To think this isn’t normal 2 year old behaviour?

[Purplepricklesalloverhisback]

DS was 2 in October. Since then he has hit terrible twos big time.

• he will only wear one pair of wellies. I had to source them in the next size up. If I wrestle any other shoes on to him he screams and pulls them off instantly.

-he hates being dressed. It’s tantrums, screams, tears, snot every morning. He always wants to rewear his pj top that he slept in. -he hates the bath. Screams the whole time, won’t sit in the water. No issues with it before turning 2 and he loves his swimming lesson!

• he has become very clingy with me. I have to be in the same room all the time and if I leave him anywhere he screams until I am back.

I’m 33 weeks pregnant and it’s killing me. I just want to cry all the time.

DH signed him up for a toddler football trial session this morning. It took two of us to wrestle him into some clothes and as soon as we got the trainers on him (he can’t do football in wellies) he pulled them off and threw them at us.

DS has gone out screaming and sobbing and I’m crying because I’m exhausted and I know DH will be back home with him soon because he has refused to put the shoes on when he gets there and so he can’t join in.

I’m at my wits end! Please someone tell me this is a phase and he will snap out of it. It’s been going on since October with no improvements!

Look up ‘beyond the final leap’ on Facebook. My Dc was a pain around that time and has chilled out a lot since then, I think it’s just a phase.
Let him have a choice of 2 options for clothing and don’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do

Oh and your dh should def take him out once a week but it can be the park, the local city farm, soft play, whatever. Get him to perserve w the swimming too.

Would you say your ds really struggles w transitions?

Leave him in the wellies until you get inside nursery,
honestly just buy a second pj top - one to wash one to wear,
if he doesnt like the bath then flannel wash and waterless shampoo is the way to go

He genuinely does just sound like a typical two year old, they're stroppy, stubborn, and get angry over the daftest things

2 year olds are tiny savages, quite normal behaviour epecially given that you’re pregnant and tired. My son was very like your son at that age, he’s now 5 and much easier and fun to be with than he was at age 2. Weirdly my daughter was not like this at all, depends on the child.

Anyway - my advice is pick your battles wisely. If he wants to wear certain shoes/tops etc let him. If it’s not a big deal then go for it.
Decide what is non negotiable and stick to it though!
For example - he wants to wear his wellies to football. That’s fine ‘you can wear these to football but if you want to join in when we get there you must put your trainers on.’ Then when he’s there he sees how fun it is and if he still won’t change his shoes he can’t participate. He misses out (he may not care but he gets the idea IYSWIM)
Clothes are non-negotiable. Explain he must wear them. Let him pick if that helps. Make it a game if you can. But bottom line is he needs to learn that even if he tantrums he has to wear clothing.
Give him choices where possible ‘do you want a bath or shall we wash you at the sink with this cloth’ - both outcomes are acceptable to you (child gets washed) but he feels in control, there’s less bathtime drama etc.
As for the separation anxiety that’s quite normal for many children of this age. I’d keep it matter of fact ‘I am going to the kitchen, you stay here with daddy’ and get DH to engage him in something fun. Your son won’t like it, he will still tantrum but he will learn that you come back and he’s safe with other trusted grown ups.
Also do you speak to him about the new baby?

Yup, 2 year olds can be right little buggers wait until they're 3!

Could your husband not just take him out somewhere he'll enjoy on a weekend morning for an hour or so rather than trying to force the football?

How about using visuals if his language development is delayed? That worked with my ds.

So pictures of getting dressed then on of the iPad.

It's the carrot and stick method! He he's what he wants when x is done. But disengage with this. So "when you ate dressed you can have the iPad/CBeebies". Screams? Walk away and get dressed yourself.

It's hard to tell what's normal and what isn't as all 2yo can go through a difficult stage. Some are extreme and fine and others do have some Sen.

What's he like at childminders? Could you have a chat with her/him? Maybe some speech therapy assessments are required to see if it's a result of language?

My DD refused from 18 months to wear anything I chose. I had to choose my battles, still do with her 🙄. My last DD had a pair of yellow jelly shoes that she wore everyday till they fell off her feet, refused anything else!

I would let him wear pj top. Ds did this a lot. Mostly they were fireman Sam or whatever so could pass as t shirts and I figured it was better that way. Ds has a sensory processing disorder so a lot of these things were tricky. He still will only wear one pair of shoes but at least they are trainers. I suspect the wellies are because they are comfortable on some level. Can you look into boots - possibly half a size up and not too snug - that he might be willing to try.

Bathing is trickier. Have you tried reducing temp? He is ok in pool so it's probably not water bu5t I was pretty shocked when I realised quite how cold ds was happiest with. If I recall, he liked it about 31 when recommended temp was 37. Otherwise sponge bath key bits and reduce bath to very occasionally.

How does he do at soft Play? That was always a good way to get him out with dh, especially as dh was much more willing to climb all over with him than I was. We also had to try a few groups before he settled. We found a music group that was brilliant and also a sports group. But we went to quite a few that were a disaster. Rhyme time at our local library was also surprisingly successful.

I’d say it’s totally normal for a two year old. My October born is very similar. Socks and tights are our biggest battle at the moment; similarly she will pretty only much wear wellies as well! She left nursery in wellies without socks, in the snow the other day (only going as far as the car in the carpark though!). My 5 year old was also similar, though slightly less publicly vocal about it... At this age they’ve learned there is a ‘choice’ over certain things and what they wear, eat etc is an easy thing for them to try and control. Conversely, they’re at an age where they can’t properly communicate what they want and why (and half the time I don’t think they actually know either!). Try giving two options for things to wear etc so they have made the decision. But ultimately, pick your battles, try and avoid situations that will start the battle (eg trying to offer choice), and just keep reminding yourself it’s just a (frustrating for everyone) phase!

Could your husband not just take him out somewhere he'll enjoy on a weekend morning for an hour or so rather than trying to force the football?

I was also thinking this. My son would never have been able to go to football at age 2/3/4 he was SO stubborn and, to be frank, didn’t give a fuck about organised activities/fun he just wanted to go to the park or run around a field.
My DD is waaaaay more compliant than my son was and at age 2 she’d have been OK with an activity like that but I didn’t even try with my son as he was just so stubborn/defiant and didn’t give a shit 😂

Poor you - it will pass though. Maybe give him a couple of hours in the bed playing on the ipad and watching cbeebies - he's probably tired from nursery/childminder. He'll eventually get bored as two year old boys tend to have lots of restless energy and then maybe have a family trip to the nearest park and maybe you could sit on a bench with a warm drink whilst your husband kicks a ball with him. Wellies are ideal in this weather! Fighting with them is exhausting. My son at two years old wouldn't let me strap him into his car seat when I collected him from nursery. It could take up to half an hour and I have to have rests in between attempts as he was so strong. It was in the days of car seats when you had to get three pieces of seatbelt held together like a jigsaw puzzle for it to click together and every time I'd nearly achieved it he would buck and writhe again and it would all come apart. I'd be shaking with exhaustion/exertion by the time I actually eventually got him strapped in.

Not speaking until 2 is a significant issue that needs further exploration.

What is the health visitor saying? Has he been referred to SALT?

Having a change in childminder will be unsettling for him and at that age awkward behaviour is his way of communicating this especially if he has a speech delay.

Sounds typical tbh. I’d let him wear the wellies unless it’s somerhing like football in which case you could offer him a choice of 2 appropriate pairs of shoes which might go down better than ‘you have to wear these’.
If he enjoys the football you can then tell him he needs to wear his football shoes if he wants to go.
A choice of 2 clean tops might also work.
Other than that I’d just talk them through dressing and sympathise that they don’t like it. Try and get them to help ‘can you put your arm in or shall I put your arm in etc’ then a big exaggerated well done if they do it?
Showers are also a good idea. But I certainly remember a lot of getting dressed and baths at that age were just a case of getting it done as quickly as possible.
I’d take him with you wherever practical and maybe try and nip to the loo when he’s doing something he won’t want to break off from to get him used to it. I get that it must be frustrating but Od try and enjoy the 1-1 because it is such a rarity when you’ve got 2.

Sorry this is no help but it all sounds normal to me. Pick your battles. Choose activities you know he enjoys.

ps try to keep a sense of humour about it too and maybe make a couple of videos to show him when he's older - you'll laugh about it together one day!

It’s a phase. Dd was the same but a little older than this with clothes. One dress, wash / wear. Let him wear his pjs and wellies. I agree toddler football is really young and soft play and trips to the park would be better. Think things, where the rules are limited. Dd also had big food issues. She had lots of phases of foods she would eat. Very restrictive diet. She definitely has some sensory issues with food texture and clothes, labels etc. Imo 2 really isn’t the time to start expanding things and pushing against your ds’s boundaries. You have years to do this when he’s more reasonable and less defiant / rebellious.

I feel for you OP. This sounds much like my older DS when I was pregnant with DS2. Less than two years gap between them as well. He was completely exhausting. He wouldn’t do haircuts either so we used to sit him on a chair outside, bribe him with a treat and I would hold him still while DH whizzed clippers over his head. He looked like a convict for his first few years .

He also refused to go anywhere for about a year without wearing a particular superhero mask. I was so terrified we’d lose this flipping mask that I bought a duplicate and had our phone number written on it in case we ever left it anywhere!

This sounds normal to me too. My DD at 2 was much the same. She's just turned 3 and there have been improvements but she still has her moments. I picked my battles. I let her wear what she wanted where possible and tried to expand what she'd wear by getting stuff with her favourite characters on. She's now a walking PJ Masks advert but there's less screaming.

Some two year olds are easy going and yours obviously isn't one of them but he doesn't sound outside the range of normal.

I would try to make your life as easy as possible. For lots if not most two year olds organised activities e.g. football just isn't developmentally appropriate. They should be basically exploring and playing freely almost all of the time (within certainly boundaries obviously and as long as you're not eating in a restaurant etc). I wouldn't even bother with this. Take him to something that will be less hassle (e.g. playgroup at the soft play centre or forest school where they just run around and explore).

Give him as much choice as possible e.g. this top or that top. He doesn't have to wear trainers but if he does he gets a treat (something immediate - sticker on a chart, or whatever). Try and avoid battles of will wherever possible. Breath this too shall pass.

Make a chart and let him put a sticker on it each time he achieves something new and let him know x amount of stickers means an outing or treat.
See if you can find kids books to read to him about clothes and make a point to tell him what colour top you’re wearing while pointing at said top/shoes/clothing.
Dress up a teddy in his clothes too and make it seem fun.

We did sign language when he was younger and he did pick up bits but he has stopped using it now that he is talking.

@BarbarianMum yes definitely struggles with transitions.

@Sarahandduck18 At his 2 year check the HV said it was very normal not to be talking at just turned 2 and to ring her in 6 months if he hasn't made progress. He has made huge amounts of progress, is now putting 3/4 words together but his speech can be unclear and he can't pronounce most speech sounds like b, d, f. I will ring and ask about a SALT referral.

At the childminders he is a delight who cooperates, lies down nicely to have his nappy changed and holds her hand or the pushchair while walking.

I kept saying to my husband that we need to choose our battles, until one day he suggested that we actually choose one! Toddlers are savages!

Does he have to go to pre school and a childminder? Is it every day? He's probably tired on top of being two.
Food faddiness definitely gets worse at two. Many a smug parent of an broccolli eating baby finds their two year old suddenly refuses everything.
I was hoping would allow me an hours respite while DH takes him out once a week. Dh can still take him out for an hour (or four) but just go to the park when he's ready then there is no battle to be on time. lus he can go in PJs and wellies.

I have no advice, but sending sympathy! The terrible twos are called that for a reason. My two year old also refuses baths after previously loving them. There is no rhyme or reason for their behaviour.