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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just ran away

76 replies

ScurfnNerf · 02/02/2019 18:07

I’m autistic. My family went out to eat. I didn’t realise the restaurant was in a busy shopping centre, up high, overlooking everything. It was too noisy, bright, and everything was swaying. So I ran.
Unfamiliar town, and I’m back in the hotel. DH is in the restaurant with the children so they are ok.
I feel so awful. How could I just run and leave them all? I haven’t panicked like this in years, never since I had kids.
DH is not being understanding. He’s not been unkind, but just said ‘up to you’ when I texted to say I’m going back to the hotel.
I don’t know why I’m posting here. Probably just a release.

OP posts:
BifsWif · 02/02/2019 18:09

It must have been incredibly overwhelming for you. How are you now?

Go back to the hotel and put your feet up for a while, will your family be long?

starabara · 02/02/2019 18:10

I’m sorry you have felt overwhelmed. It’s awful feeling out of control, but your children are safe and so are you. You haven’t abandoned them with strangers. They are safe and sound with family.

What response would you have liked from DH?

Is there something else going on at the moment that has made you feel close to the edge, as it were?

LovingLola · 02/02/2019 18:10

I would think your dh is focussed on the children at the moment.
It’s good that they are ok.
Take your time to get your self grounded in the hotel room.
Did you manage to eat anything before you left the restaurant?

BarbaraRoyale · 02/02/2019 18:11

Don't be hard on yourself , you are safe now
Your husband is probably a bit shocked as it hasn't happened since you've had children

whatsthepointthen · 02/02/2019 18:11

Just stay put now.

Would you have liked them all to leave aswell?

Original poster
ScurfnNerf · 02/02/2019 18:12

I think I just wanted DH to say it’s ok, do what you have to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScurfnNerf · 02/02/2019 18:13

We hadn’t even got a table when I left. It’s was all too much and I just had to run. I NEVER go to shopping centres for this exact reason. We didn’t realise it was in a shopping centre before we went.

OP posts:
starabara · 02/02/2019 18:14

I think that is what he’s said, essentially. “It’s up to you” to me would mean “whatever you need to do for you”.

Rachelle3211 · 02/02/2019 18:17

I think he's probably shocked you ran off and is handling the kids. He's told you to do what you feel is right.

Rubusfruticosus · 02/02/2019 18:18

Why couldn't he leave with you and find somewhere else to eat?

Original poster
ScurfnNerf · 02/02/2019 18:22

I’m ok that he didn’t leave. Kids wanted to eat there, and they’re fussy. I wouldn’t expect them to change their plans because I had a panic attack.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 02/02/2019 18:22

Your kids and dh are fine. Your husband's text sounds supportive to me. He is telling you that you need to to do what is right for you. Often we reading meaning and tones into text that the sender does not mean so maybe you are reading something into his.

Order some room service and try to relax

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2019 18:25

I think I just wanted DH to say it’s ok, do what you have to do.

Well 'Up to you' isn't a million miles from that. As PP's have said, he's probably a bit shocked.

How many DC and how old are they?

Iloveautumnleaves · 02/02/2019 18:26

I’m sorry you felt like that and DH has been a bit abrupt 💐

As someone who doesn’t have autism or suffer from anxiety it’s really difficult to understand how it’s impossible to just say ‘DH, I can’t cope, let’s go elsewhere’ however knowing you don’t go to malls because of this, I’d be more worried that you were ok than cross that you’d just run off. I might be a little bit short initially if the kids were upset and I was trying to reassure them, but after that I’d text/call to see if you were ok and if you’d like to meet elsewhere for dinner or if you wanted me to give the kids their dinner and get you something on the way back or whatever.

Iloveautumnleaves · 02/02/2019 18:28

There IS a big difference between *It’s OK. Do what you need to do’ and ‘Up to you’

starabara · 02/02/2019 18:29

A big difference? I don’t agree. Especially when you consider he is probably trying to reassure the kids, get orders sorted and food on the way in a busy Saturday night restaurant.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2019 18:29

It depends on how he said it really and only the OP knows that

InsomniacAnonymous · 02/02/2019 18:30

I agree with the posters who said that "Up to you" is very close to "it’s ok, do what you have to do." He hasn't said anything wrong. How old are your children?

starabara · 02/02/2019 18:30

It was a text @Worraliberty ?

Iloveautumnleaves · 02/02/2019 18:32

Cross posted with you about the kids specifically wanting to eat there. I wouldn’t then have suggested elsewhere, but I’d have said that I couldn’t stay, but would see them back at the hotel. I don’t understand not being able to say that, but I FULLY accept that you couldn’t.

MirriVan · 02/02/2019 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2019 18:34

Oh sorry, I missed that it was a text.

grenadezombie · 02/02/2019 18:37

I
Sure it will be alright OP. I have had to run before too, my DH usually follows with the 'I don't know what to do' face Grin

Iloveautumnleaves · 02/02/2019 18:38

When your wife has a panic attack and sends you a text to say she’s going back to the hotel, ‘Up to you’ is huffy. It’s displaying a lack of understanding that’s it’s not actually a choice for her and a lack of care. ‘It’s ok, do what you need to’ shows he understands this is about NEED not choice and reassuring telling her ‘it’s ok’

Big difference. One is reassuring, the other guilt inducing.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2019 18:41

Meh! The OP's DH is a human being too.

I still don't think it's necessarily huffy to be honest.