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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How long can you put of visitors

92 replies

justmakemeacuppa · 02/02/2019 11:10

New baby born in family, how long would you leave visiting to close family before thinking they are just being odd? I couldn’t wait to show off my kids. I understand about they need time but they are known to use every opportunity to gain attention. Not desperate to see baby but find it odd? It’s been a week?

OP posts:

lazyarse123 · 02/02/2019 11:14

Seems to be a new idea to keep family away for ages "to bond". I don't get it, like you I couldn't wait to show mine off and I also like mine and dh family.

Singlenotsingle · 02/02/2019 11:16

So...someone had a baby a week ago and you're wondering why no visitors? I wouldn't have wanted visitors after a week. They're exhausted, she's in pain, sleep issues. Just ask, if you want to go and visit.

elvis86 · 02/02/2019 11:17

It's not your decision, and you have no God-given right to see the baby.

Clearly from your short post, you don't like the mum. I can't see how not inviting you to see her baby in the first week since it was born constitutes attention seeking..?

YABU.

Original poster

justmakemeacuppa · 02/02/2019 11:20

she has her mum and partner to help and no complications in birth.

OP posts:

DameSquashalot · 02/02/2019 11:21

Immediate family I was fine with, but I wanted to wait a few weeks for others. I found the first few weeks so hard. Others are different though - you can't judge them on how you felt.

Original poster

justmakemeacuppa · 02/02/2019 11:23

Like I say I’m happy to not see the baby just find it odd to not want to show baby off. Yes I like the mum. I had a shit time with my first but couldn’t wait for everyone to meet baby they even came to hospital to see me and I was over the moon to see them.

OP posts:

elvis86 · 02/02/2019 11:23

"she has her mum and partner to help and no complications in birth."

Still her decision though - not yours.

You sound like you're being a cow.

Mulberry72 · 02/02/2019 11:25

What elvis said.....

thatsmyspace · 02/02/2019 11:26

Tbh I've only heard of people doing this since I've been on mn 🙈 it's crazy! Never heard of people withholding family members from visiting in rl. All a bit "precious" and "entitled" imo

SequinsDress · 02/02/2019 11:26

Everyone is different at the end of the day, there's no right or wrong. Totally understand that you'll be keen to meet the baby, but equally that doesn't override the parents wanting space to adjust. Having a newborn is tough and overwhelming.

You don't necessarily know what's going on with them, there may be feeding issues, and even if "no complications" with birth, recovery can still be tough. Mum may be suffering with baby blues.
If they're usually the type to want to show off then there may well be something going on that you aren't aware of, or, alternatively maybe they just want space.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 02/02/2019 11:30

It's not precious or entitled. Some of us just want time to settle in and have that precious first few days without a load of people in their home.
Not your baby. Tough shit.

Original poster

justmakemeacuppa · 02/02/2019 11:31

I’ll leave her too it, I’m not pestering her or demanding to see baby. So not being a cow just trying to understand why she’s suddenly been so private about it all? All happy to have baby showers and accept gifts but then falls off face of the earth. I know how hard things can be. Just wondering if it’s too soon to ask to see the baby or just leave it and wait for an invite. I find it strange how people get all defensive about it all.

OP posts:

littlemisscynical · 02/02/2019 11:33

It has been a WEEK. You have no idea how the mother is feeling. She might be having difficulty with feeding. You sound like the type of visitor no new mother needs.

elvis86 · 02/02/2019 11:34

She hasn't "fallen off the face of the earth" though, has she? It's been a week since she gave birth, and you're miffed that you haven't been invited round.

You obviously have issues with the woman.

What relation are you, out of interest?

Original poster

justmakemeacuppa · 02/02/2019 11:35

It’s fine cos I’m not a visitor. Like people have said she may need more time. That’s fine with me.

OP posts:

SuziQ10 · 02/02/2019 11:36

If I'm lucky enough to have a second child I will not be inviting any visitors for the first few weeks.
I found it very stressful when my DD was born, having visitors. I was in pain (straightforward labour but still in pain!), getting to grips with breastfeeding, no sleep etc. It's a massive change and honestly visitors were an inconvenience I wish I'd avoided for a few weeks. Cleaning the house, trying to look presentable, going upstairs to feed.

If the couple want a bit of space, why should that be a problem.

punishmepunisher · 02/02/2019 11:36

Holy shit, not everyone feels exactly the same as you did.

I'd be the same as her.

JustDanceAddict · 02/02/2019 11:36

The more the merrier as far as I was concerned- any help welcomed esp after a Caesarian

seastargirl · 02/02/2019 11:36

If you've not already said it, tell her to let you know when she's up for a visit and you'll bring a curry/lasagna/casserole round for the fridge. Shows you want to be helpful as well as have baby cuddles!

DontTouchTheMoustache · 02/02/2019 11:37

I looked and felt like shit after giving birth, the house was a mess and I was exhausted. I just couldn't face seeing people. She may be physically fine but you dont know how she is doing mentally.
Drop her a message saying you hope she is doing well and to let you know when she is up to visitors.

Seline · 02/02/2019 11:38

Mine are nearly 15 weeks and no one other than my patents has been to the house yet. I've taken the twins to see other people, and they've held them etc but I won't have people in my house until I feel comfortable. They were in the nicu for almost three months so I want our time back.

Some people are unhappy about this but that's their prerogative.

Limensoda · 02/02/2019 11:39

It's ridiculous to say someone is being a cow to want to see a baby in the family and wonder why the parents aren't excited to show the baby to family.
It does seem to be a new thing. Of course you don't want to entertain visitors for hours but to pop in briefly to see a new born family member?
There also seems to be a lot of hostility towards in laws especially these days.
It's a different matter a year of two down the line when mums post on here moaning their parents or in laws aren't babysitting or supporting them enough.
Family isn't what it used to be

Original poster

justmakemeacuppa · 02/02/2019 11:41

No issues with her I like her and very close but not pestering her with messages as trying to respect her wishes of been left alone. If a week is too soon then won’t message just yet. I’ve been excited for her. i can only go by how I felt when I was expecting.

OP posts:

rose789 · 02/02/2019 11:42

I just had this conversation with my friend who’s baby is 6 days old. Best friends, partners mum and sister have been and she was a little upset that no one else had. I explained that sometimes people will wait for an invitation as they don’t want to disturb new parents. She’s now text a few people sending a picture of the baby in the outfits/blanket/ beside the teddy they have bought saying baby x can’t wait to meet you and give you cuddles for your beautiful gift let us know when you’re free.

Seline · 02/02/2019 11:43

I’m happy to not see the baby just find it odd to not want to show baby off. Yes I like the mum. I had a shit time with my first but couldn’t wait for everyone to meet baby

It depends what type of person you are. I'm introverted and hate this sort of thing.

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