DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

Not overreacting at all. This has made me so angry to read. I have never said this about a grandparent before but I'd cut contact with her and make sure when her grandad has her she is never left with her. She can't be trusted at all. Getting a hair cut isn't an accident or an oversight or someone not thinking - it's deliberately going out of her way to take control and piss everyone off. Plus she isn't even sorry or she'd have given you the hair

I wonder if she's from a different culture because my dh is. His SIL shaved his dn's head to make the hair grow faster! It's completely unacceptable. I'd never speak to the bitch again.

My
Mil did this and I can empathise. It is unacceptable interference but I felt I had to suck it up. I didn't want to fall out with mil for the sake of beloved DGC and my DH. Mil continued to feel she had done me a favour by saving my time and paying for the haircut. The baby hair had gone so it was irreversible. That was 16 years ago but I remember clearly how upset and shocked I was at the time.

Not a good thing to do I would not be impressed at all and would demand that curl. As for calling the police .......a little far fetched they dont have the time to be sorting this when the are far more serious things going on in the world.

A trim I'd be okay with but the whole. Lot! What a cheeky cow.

No - she knew you didn’t want her to do it. She knew she shouldn’t have done it so she hid it from you. And then she did it anyway. Not only this but it’s a special once in a life time occasion for you and your dd- she took this away from you. In the long scheme of things it’s orobably quite minor but it’s crossed a major trust line in my opinion. What else is she going to do wholly against your wishes?

I couldn't trust her again.
If you don't want to cut all contact, the only way she would see my DC again is supervised visits. I don't think I could speak to her after refusing to give the lock of hair.

Make sure DGF is there. He needs to see this. That's mad!

I’d be so cross!
I wonder if she tried to trim it herself and ended making a hash of it trying to get it even?
My mum did this to me once when I was young, insisted that cutting hair ‘couldn’t be that tricky’ and totally bodied it up!

I was fairly ambivalent and willing to give her benefit of the doubt until I read about her keeping the hair. What the actual fuck?!!

They can have a relationship with your DD at your house/with you present. No unsupervised contact.

I’m a step mum and I would never!!!

Don’t even know what to say, we generally leave haircuts to mum and I generally take SD to have something sparkly on her nails every few months or so or some silly glitter temporary tattoos.

A haircut especially a first one is really important and she’s dumb as a bag of rocks to not realise that, I suspect she does and just did it anyway. She’s the kind of SM that gives us normal ones a bad name ffs . .

YANBU at all!! I would be going crazy!! If you don't trust her anymore to take her out then you're absolutely justified! She can't be trusted at all.

What a complete cow!
I would DEMAND the lock of hair and shove the beanie up her arse.
If you let this go she will be bringing your dd home with her ears pierced next

I think you are dramatically under reacting. I would be livid and she would have no more contact with my child.

GET.THAT. LOCK. BACK

C’m on. The kind of SM who gives us a bad name is the one who maltreats or neglects the child. This one has offended the mother. But that should not become such a huge deal.

It's assault. I'd be considering police. Imagine someone cut your hair off against your will

Dont be so ridiculous. Its not assault. Noone cut the childs hair against her will. Ffs.

OP you're not over reacting your SM was jaw droppingly out of order. Itd be a cold day in hell before i let her near my daughter if i was you.

She took your baby's curls.

This is a declaration of war.

Bloody hell! I'd be outraged too! No, you're not being OTT or UR.

What makes it worse is that she clearly does know it's a big deal. She hid your DD's hair because she knew you would be angry. She thought a lock of her hair was special enough to want one for herself.

Cow.

You are UNDER reacting I’d be absolutely fecking furious. She doesn’t get her unsupervised again.

This is awful I’d honestly be so so upset

I'd be in floods of tears. That wasn't her call to make. And not saving you a curl just adds insult to injury. SM would be lucky not to get a thump from me TBH

Your husband needs to tell her that if she ever wants even a hope of seeing her grandchild ever again, that the lock of hair is given to you immediately. After that only you can decide whether you ever have anything to do with her again...personally I wouldn’t as she knew you did not want your DDs hair cut but she did as she pleased anyway and cannot therefore be trusted.
She is a selfish fool.

I would NEVER leave my dd alone with that awful woman EVER again. I would let your FIL know that he is welcome to visit your dd at your home but that you will never ever allow his wife near your dd- she has willfully abused your child, taking almost all her hair off without permission- knowing fine well that you DID NOT want her hair cut! I would also be demanding my daughters first curl too! What a nasty piece of work she is!

What next? Will she take your dd to get her ears pierced? This is absolutely not acceptable behaviour! She clearly does not respect your boundaries and there is no way my helpless dd would be in her care again. If you continue to allow her to look after your child then you are telling her that this kind of behaviour is ok! She will never respect you or your boundaries! Not that she does anyway! She knew fine well what she was doing. She watched every single curl being cut off!

She is trying to send you a message- that your dd is hers, not yours, that she has the final say on how your dd has her hair, that she is more important than you and that she deserves your dd’s Curl more than you do! I would send the message back that you are her Mother, you decide who gets to see your dd, you have boundaries that will be respected or she doesn’t get anything to do with your dd! I would also tell her that your dd’s Curl will be the only and last part of your dd she will get to see and have control over!

This woman is toxic, your dd needs to be respected and have her boundaries respected. If she can’t respect that now she will never respect that! You could send your dd to her with long hair as a four year old and she could send her home with a pixi cut! This is about control- she wants you to know that she is in charge! I would stop all unsupervised contact and I would be very reluctant to even allow supervised contact.