DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

However I think it’s weird how invested you seem in your daughters hair. From my observations this is far more common in parents whose kids have curly hair. Its only hair! Not that special really!

It can be pretty special, especially beautiful curls, they just are special.

And with curls, if it isn't cut right, it may never curl the same again.

However, cutting someone's hair with no consent is an actual assault on the person.

The OP’s daughter is 17 months, I very much doubt she is able to consent to having a hair cut regardless of who takes her? Or do you suggest that all parents who take their children for a hair cut are assaulting them?

The grandmother behaved appallingly, but I think if you went to the police with this they’d laugh at you.

“However I think it’s weird how invested you seem in your daughters hair. From my observations this is far more common in parents whose kids have curly hair. “

It changed the look of the child immediately. And because the length of curly hair is curled up, it takes ages longer for curly hair to look as if it has grown longer.

Best contemplate the point that it isn’t your opinion that counts but the OP / parents, before you become a MIL, Claudia .

My goodness, she is well out of order, how dare she go behind your back. I would be absolutely fuming, she has absolutely no right at all. What did hubby say ?

Of course it will curl again, its about the shape of the follicles.
It still is a dreadful thing to do without permission. Read the thread. Parents give consent, not grandads girlfriend.

Of course it will curl again, its about the shape of the follicles

Not always. Both of my dc had gorgeous curls when babies. Never grew back.

I had curls when I was a baby. They never grew back either

The OP’s daughter is 17 months, I very much doubt she is able to consent to having a hair cut regardless of who takes her? Or do you suggest that all parents who take their children for a hair cut are assaulting them? hmm

No, but when the child cannot consent it is down to the parent to, and the parent did not consent to this haircut.

It sounds to have been quite a brutal one if there are no curls left on her head.

Of course it will curl again, its about the shape of the follicles.
It still is a dreadful thing to do without permission. Read the thread. Parents give consent, not grandads girlfriend.

Not always, especially with baby hair.

But with curly hair, it matters how the hair is actually cut and with what.

I have very nice curls, which when cut right makes them come right out and are very full. I have had a couple of haircuts and the hair just looses the curl because of where the hair has been cut.

Curls are tricky.

Shape of your head changes as it grows? Sounds hereditary pattern.

Oh, and when I was little and my Aunt butchered my curls, it didn't curl the same for the longest time.

Soubriquet: but not because it was cut. Many young children have curly hair which straightens as they grow.

My Ds had a right nip of gorgeous dark curls, but at about 4 the new hair started to grow straighter. The end half of the hair was still curly, but once that was trimmed off the remaining hai was straight.

Cutting the dead end of the hair cannot possibly affect the growth in the follicle.

And the way curls fall in tne head and in each other will affect how the whole head of hair looks. Cutting will affect the look of the head of hair, but not the way it grows.

I would of been raging!! Honestly I would never allow her to have her on her own again and I would be nc for a very very long time till I calmed down. Livid

Like fuck would that woman ever set eyes on my child again. Fucking witch.

She sounds insane. Literally insane.

Can't believe the hair was in a little glass box like some weird shrine.

I would never, ever speak to her again, and she would never see the child again either.

YANBU but ffs, are there really people out there who would go NC with someone because of this?

Yes I would be absolutely livid, and tbh I think what you've said the SM is kinder than what I would've said.

Ultimately though there's nothing you can do about it now. I think telling her to stay the fuck out of your way for a while is fair enough and tell your dad too. I'm sorry OP, I can completely see why you're upset. I would be too x

It's not the overstepping of the boundaries, it's the messing up of my dd's hair that I'd find unforgivable. I'd guess it will take 9 months minimum to get to a decent length. My dd's hair was quite wild and curly at that age and MIL kept pressuring me to cut it as it was messy. I knew if it grew the curl would drop. Years later, MIL was asking what should be done about her other dgc's hair, which I guess was an admission that I had been right. I told her it was up to SIL!

Gosh, I just read the Mirror's article, it really is, word for word, the original post. The so called journalist hasn't done any work at all! Lazy sod.

Mother in law attacked son’s fringe, wasn’t first cut, wife was livid, I decided it wasn’t worth the energy but I don’t understand how anyone can think it’s their right to cut/take for a cut another person’s child.

Glad you got the lock of hair back OP.

God OP that’s awful! I would have bloody killed her.

I wouldn’t be letting her see me or my DD until she apologised. Someone like that cannot be trusted and will most likely constantly do shitty things like this to prove she knows best.

Hope the hair grows quickly

And I thought my exMIL's antics couldn't be beaten!
(Crying that I had ruined Christmas when I shouted at BIL for hitting DNeice - aged 1 - in front of me etc )

She's outrageous!

It was in a tiny glass box in front of a photo of dd on the fireplace

Well that's just weird. It's like something out of a Grimm fairy tale. Does SM have a mirror she asks questions of?

Well done OP. I would have been livid