DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

Kind of hoping the step mum joins mumsnet now to say her side. Not that she has anything to stand on, but might teach her a lesson. Doubtful though, she seems stupid.

Whilst I agree that calling the police is OTT, it does actually class as an assault. If you were to walk up to your SMIL for example, grab her ponytail and hack it off like a goddamn Dothraki warrior, she could, quite rightly, call the police.

And if you do decide to shave SMIL'a head in her sleep, there's a few MNers that would be happy to provide you an alibi.

I hope she does read the article and this thread so she knows what people think of her!

What an appalling woman. I’m so not precious about hair but this isn’t just about hair but a massive overstepping of boundaries, riding roughshod over your rights as parents and then the icing on the cake cheeky fuckery of keeping the lock of hair. What an absolute cunt of a woman.

Come on OP, give us a pic back of your DD's head. I want 2 see how gone is "completely gone." Before shot would be good, too.

Er... I think it's weird to almost come to blows over a lock of child's hair. Not saying MIL is right. But near-fisticuffs...?

Agree with the comments about her having the hair in a glass box. Fucking creepy considering shes not even your DH’s own mother. She sounds even more batshit crazy the more I read

So glad you got it back.
I'd have accidentally on purpose dropped the glass box.

How could she even begin to justify her actions and call YOU rude names??? Does she realise she's ruined being able to have her DSGD unsupervised?

Not a parent but another who feels she was totally out of order. Even if you'd said 'oh dd's hairs getting long, I need to get it cut' sgecwas still wrong to do it without your permission. I do understand why its up there with first word, tooth, step etc. We were clearing out my mum's house a few years back after she died, and among her belongings was a lock of my brother's hair from his first haircut. He was the oldest, the rest of us were put out by the fact she hadnt kept ours! But she also had momentos from the hospitals after our births.

Ps pleased you got the lock back

Be very careful....the next step is ear piercing!

This would give me blind rage and I'd probably go around and cut a massive chunk of her hair off, see how she likes it.

But I do have a dreadful temper.

It's not about the hair, but undermining op as a mother and totally disrespecting her.

How the heck you haven't hoot footed it round there with a pair of clippers with no guard on I dont know

Well done op on getting the lock back. My exh did this to my ds2 and his hair never curled again

I'd go no contact over this. It's not the hair it's what it represents, a total disregard of your boundaries.

Police had more pressing matters like murders, paedophiles, and assure, to worry about a haircut.

However, cutting someone's hair with no consent is an actual assault on the person.

This woman has committed a physical assault on the OP's DD, it's the truth of the matter, and people have been found guilty in courts of it too.

Police have all kinds of things they have to attend to, it's not just muder and paedophiles.

OP well done for getting the curl - hope you don't lose it. I've lost the first curls and a long blonde plait from one of mine but my DC doesn't mind as much as I do

Your partner's father clearly means a lot to your DD and you've said his wife also entertains her and she likes being there. SM clearly went out of place badly and you and your partner just need to set down the rules.

Hair grows back, as do relationships.

She had no business doing it at all. It's heinous. If you feel like doing so, I would break off all contact with her. Let your DP see his dad and the evil SM on his own, other than at unavoidable family functions.

What else is she doing to your DD?

She was totally out of order to get dds hair cut without asking first. However I think it’s weird how invested you seem in your daughters hair. From my observations this is far more common in parents whose kids have curly hair. Its only hair! Not that special really!

When my dd was 18 months old my MIL scooped her up,and announced she was just taking her to get her ears pierced.

She was gobsmacked we wouldn’t let her and didn’t understand at all it wasn’t her decision.

Ok well you got the lock back. Personally i think keeping hair is wierd and grim. Id have kept it calm and just not let gf have her on his own again for a good long while.

Well done Op - I'd have gone nuts so don't think you were unreasonable at all. No way would my child be anywhere near her without me being there too ever again!

She sounds unhinged.
I wouldn’t let her have unsupervised contact, not someone who started a tow, told you to fuck off and physically grabbed your arm .
And GF / FIL has demonstrated that he is not fit to supervise since he won’t stand up for your parental authority in tne face of his wife’s behaviour.

I wouldn’t go no contact but not 10 mins of unsupervised contact until your Dd is able to speak up for herself, and give you a clear factual report of events. About 7.

The whole hair thing, saving a lock for her but not you, refusing to give it to you, sounds beyond credible, tbh.