DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

As for the cutting hair to make it grow faster.

My mother cut all my hair off the week before I started school.

From having long waist length hair I loved she cut it all off then proceeded to take me to the hairdressers every 6 weeks for a trim.

Except it hadn’t really grown, (I have really slow growing hair and nails) so it got shorter and shorter till it was a short back and sides.

Nor did it help with making my hair stronger as it remains to this day whispy and fine.

Ok I'll get flamed for this but I've a low tolerance for this type of behaviour. It's assault. I'd be considering police

I think the only positive to come out of this is that she obviously holds your daughter in incredibly high regard to want to keep the lock of her.

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, I would be furious too. I wouldn’t ‘never talk to her again’ as I think it will cause problems in your relationship with your father in law, but if I were you I would explain very calmly that you are incredibly disappointed her her disrespectful and selfish behaviour, that you are amazed that (especially given the circumstances) she feels she should keep the only lock of hair and that from now on she will not be allowed unsupervised access to your daughter as she clearly can’t be trusted with her.

I came on to say 'its only a trim' yes, If be pissed but not majorly!
Then I read further!
I would text her saying 'Enjoy MY baby's lock of hair because you won't be around to see MY baby's hair grow back! Not only did you go against my wishes, you had the audacity to keep a lock of hair, the thing that a mother would usually keep, not a step nan! How dare you! Anyway, as I say enjoy that hair, that is all you have left of her! I am her mother, you will not go against me again regarding MY child!'

I'm not suggesting she brushes it under the carpet, Oliversmumsarmy, just that some of the suggested responses are OTT and counter-productive to long-term peace of mind on the OP's part.

I'm gutted for you. I'd be furious!

It's assault. I'd be considering police

'Is that the police? I'd like to report a haircut.'

Utterly gobsmacked

Not only she did it but is keeping the hair for herself what a fucking crazy ass thing to do

Not the police! Don't be so silly!

Yanbu! I'd be apoplectic

You not gonna believe it but almost the same thing happened to me but it was my MIL who cut my DD2’s hair. Same as in your case, she has used a beanie hat to cover it up and after a 2 1/2hr drive to drop her off at home, didn’t even stay for a cup of tea. I was fuming when I realised what she’s done. DH was annoyed but for a quiet life he would never have confronted MIL. So I sent a photo of DD2 to SIL (who was horrified) and told her to sort MIL out or she will never have the DDs again to stay. Took me a few days to calm down enough to speak to MIL and be able to be civil to her. Until this day I haven’t figured out what went through her mind when she’s done it as she knows me well enough to know not to piss me off.

I would be climbing the walls with rage if I was in your shoes 😡

Omg reading this has made me so angry for you! The way I see it she got off very lightly!

You are not over-reacting.

I would be very very upset.

First haircut is special

Ed.

“And can I add that a further charge of ‘not returning a last lock of hair’ to be taken into consideration.”

Seriously though OP, yanbu to be upset. I’m not sure how I’d deal with it, but I wouldn’t be contacting SM for a good few weeks till I calmed down a bit.

I give up. Let’s see if it still matters in 5 years

In 5 years time god knows what she would have gotten up to.

This woman has been telling the op who she is and op has tried to keep the piece and this is where it ends up.

All those calling the woman a Grsndmother or step grandmother or SMIL she is not any of those things.

This woman isn’t even married to the FIL she is just his gf or live in gf.

There is no relationship between the op and this woman.

I seem to remember something about someone being charged with assault for cutting a child’s hair.

I would definitely be looking into calling the police and seeing where you stand.

Your relationship with her is over anyway and I would also be looking to bring in the hairdresser (if she used one) for doing this.

I'm not suggesting she brushes it under the carpet, Oliversmumsarmy, just that some of the suggested responses are OTT and counter-productive to long-term peace of mind on the OP's part

Doing nothing would eat you up and be worse long term

OP I think you have 'underacted' to what this woman has done to your Child.

Anyone did this to either of my daughters, I'd hold her down and shave her head bald. NO fucking way is this acceptable on any level.

I would have verbally ripped her head off, and I agree with the NC option too.

you're a better person than me OP.

I would be livid and her attitude made it even worse. I would not let her have dd again,she obviously does not respect you or your family. This is not one of those things which could have been a genuine mistake (with the best intentions). She massively overstepped!

I am not sentimental about things generally, but I do have locks of my DC's hair among the very few 'special' things I possess (lock of hair, a baby tooth, hospital wristband). It's bad enough her having taken your DD to have her hair cut without your permission - but far worse refusing to hand over the curl.

(As an aside, I think your SM and my DS are related. DS gave DD her first haircut when they were toddlers. She went from having waist-length auburn hair to looking like a plucked chicken. I did get my lock of hair from the landing carpet, though).

I also think she cut it herself, made a mistake and then tried to even it up. I'd ask which hairdressers it was and then ask the hairdresser to confirm they cut the hair. I'm not blaming the hairdresser, but I do think this woman is a bit unhinged.

It'll be priced ears, a baptism next.

So sorry for the late reply. Right I've been round there and I've nicked my own daughters hair 

It was in a tiny glass box in front of a photo of dd on the fireplace. After a very heated conversation (and her telling me to fuck off) I swiped the box and left. She saw me do it, she tried to grab my arm and say ' put that back'. I snatched my arm away and said 'she's MY daughter'. She asked for the glass box back at least, because the box it self belongs to her. I didn't object to this, I took the lock of hair out and handed her the box. Me and DP stormed out. Although I felt very annoyed by the conversation, I did feel a sense of triumph as I clutched onto my daughters lock of hair.

The conversation did start out as very calm, I tried my best to contain myself. She was the one that started to make it heated by throwing in nasty comments and having a harsh tone. It escalated quickly. Dd was at mine with a friend, so she wasn't there to see all this btw.

@SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Dd is only 17 months old, she wouldn't be able to tell me. I have wondered if it was her that cut it though.

To those of you who have asked about gf opinion, he said he's staying out of it. I suspect he knows his wife is in the wrong, but he follows her blindly and wouldn't say a bad word against or to her.

Someone asked what Sm means, it means step mum.

Sorry if I haven't answered anyone's questions, I'm trying to manage dd who's climbing the walls practically haha

Good for you, OP.

Does she always handle confrontation by getting nasty and personal? She’s continuing to fail to cover herself in glory. I hope your DP continues to back you up over this.

Christ, what a bitch. And the fact she’s so entirely unapologetic baffles me. I would be very unlikely to leave DD with her again and certainly wouldn’t be associating with her until she apologised, both for doing it, and for her actions and manner thereafter.

Your SM told you to fuck off??! Unfuckingbelieveable behaviour on her part. I agree with other posters - this episode was her sending you a message about the pecking order in your family. I bet this theme has been present in her other behaviours. At least you’ve got the lock of hair!

"She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me."

Glad you at least got the lock of hair back. What a horrible, horrible woman she is.