DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

Sorry all, but I still think (a) this is a first world problem and (b) the SGM is probably trying to carve out (a bit too literally) a place for herself in the child’s life. The child’s interests have to prevail. If the child is upset by the haircut, there needs to be a conversation about that. If adults are upset, there needs to be a more muted conversation, with big girl pants on, given that fundamentally this child is not anyone’s property and therefore it’s not entirely about what one or other adult feels.

YANBU. Totally, totally out of order. She owes you that curl she kept at the very least.

Bloody hell, the audacity to do this!!

Don't make yourself unhappy by holding a lifelong grudge about the incident.

But it is not just the "incident" is it. It is the attitude behind it that she can do what she likes regardless of what you want or think.

Actually I did think that this particular incident is pretty bad. As other PP have said, the first haircut is very special and is for the child's Mum to enjoy not anyone else who just fancies muscling in.

You do NOT need a grandparent who not only over rides your wishes but ignores them.

I think she cut it herself. Ask her which hairdresser she used, and call them and ask why they cut a baby's hair when the parents weren't present, and she didn't have their permission.

I'd make it clear that DP's father was welcome at yours but she is not.

She'd have nothing to do with me or my children ever again.

To not even give you the lock of hair is despicable.

She is a nutter.

I feel so robbed! I wasn't there for it, I didn't consent to it, and she's not allowing me to have a curl. Who does she think she is?

She's a nasty, vindictive bitch OP. You've been tolerating her passive aggressive nastiness and continuing to give her access to your dd, this is what happens when you enable batshit people.

This was a calculated move on her part OP - don't forget that.
She deliberately and maliciously also chose not to save a lock of hair for you - and is now taunting you.
You need to stand up to her properly YOURSELF, look the bitch in her eyes and put her in her place.

Your dd doesn't need to have a relationship with SMIL.....your dd only needs to have a relationship with people who put her best interests first and treat her and her parents with respect and consideration.

Think I would take a pair of scissors with me to cut sm hair with

YADefinitelyNBU.

Not her place to take DD for first hair cut - it's yours & DP's.

Not her place to keep the first lock for herself - it's yours & DP's.

Sounds like she's jealous of you having DD and has put herself in your place, acting like your DD's mum. I would worry what else she will go against in the future, either to please herself or to spite you.

Yes we are in the first world and there are proper ways to behave
Parents have responsibility for children, not grandparents, not stepparent, and not stepgrandparents. There is no space for her without parental consent, she has cooked her goose.
As pp said this is recognised even when children are looked after by local authority. They ask if foster carer can cut hair. It's assault really to cut someone's hair without consent which a young child can't give.

I normally think a thread about a haircut is a bit OTT.
But omg.
This woman needs to be told. I would be stopping her from seeing DD and definitely not alone, this is just awful.

Check her bin as well - or get her husband to. I think she did cut the hair herself.

Are you taking DP with you later I think you need a united front. Get that lock back!

Is DD ok?

I give up. Let’s see if it still matters in 5 years.

She's very controlling. She went against your wishes, took away a first and is keeping your dds hair as a 'fuck you' to you and your husband. Get the hair and cut her off. She will do it again.

I'd be furious! She understood how important it was because she chose to keep a lock for herself. If it was just a haircut, she wouldn't need that memento.

I'd be going round there, demanding it back and once it was in my hand letting rip. She needs to know she has overstepped and there will be consequences in the future for other selfish fuckwittery, because if she thinks she can get away with it she will. What other firsts will she steal from you otherwise?

YANBU. This is unforgivable in my eyes. I'd honestly be cutting her off and never allowing her to be alone with your DD again. She has shown she doesn't give a shit about your wants when caring for YOUR child. She crossed so many boundaries here.

Not giving you the lock is disgusting behaviour and your DP needs to get it for you.

I wouldn’t worry too much about getting ‘the’ lock back fromher. Just snip a tiny bit now and keep it for yourself.

As for ever letting that unboundaried bitch near your daughter again - that’s another story.

meercat23

But it's done now, and can't be undone. Posters who are encouraging the OP to be furious, cut all contact forever with the step-gran, berate the step-gran on every meeting for the next 20 years, call 111 etc. aren't really being helpful - that sort of thing will only drag it out and keep the upsetting event uppermost in the OP's mind.

I'd have steam coming out of my ears. Her behaviour, so wrong, start to finish. Hiding what she'd done under a hat! Is she an actual fucking idiot? Was she hoping you'd be so grateful for her hat 'gift', so in love with that hat, that you would leave it on the child's head until such time her hair had grown back. The mind boggles.

I'd be eating my cheesecake while harbouring revenge fantasies about sitting on her and giving her a grade 1 with blunt hair clippers.

Hugely over stepping the mark.
i'd get her told and the unsupervised access would never happen again. The woman has problems with boundaries, obviously.
Nobody in their right minds would do this, she's not even a relative.

Awful woman. I would have nothing more to do with her.

I would never forgive her for this.

She is also worrying stupid if she thinks cutting hair makes it grow faster.

If you want to be nasty borrow something of hers and ruin it.
Best go no contact though, that will be only way of making sure

But it's done now, and can't be undone. Posters who are encouraging the OP to be furious, cut all contact forever with the step-gran, berate the step-gran on every meeting for the next 20 years, call 111 etc. aren't really being helpful - that sort of thing will only drag it out and keep the upsetting event uppermost in the OP's mind

Till the next time and then the time after that.

Somethings you can’t just brush under the carpet especially when you know the person has no boundaries and has proven they can’t be trusted

You’re right to be furious OP! I suggest you tell her, the only way to earn your forgiveness would be to allow you to cut her hair - and do a horrendous job of it, of course I think that would make you feel better