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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

619 replies

Foxandthehound · 02/02/2019 10:29

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

OP posts:
AtlanticaBlue · 02/02/2019 13:17

Sorry if my post sounded harsh, not my intention! This woman clearly should not be around your daughter was really my point.

timetoriseandshine · 02/02/2019 13:18

What is SM?
If people have time on their hands to write a post/comment then surely they have time to write what they actually mean, one second longer and us that don't know the mumsnet slang can understand

Gigglebrain · 02/02/2019 13:19

Echo other posters, yanbu, what next, earrings, then a tattoo?

Jingledalltheway · 02/02/2019 13:20

Ive only read the first page. What's your husband said about this? I'd go fucking mental. I'm pretty laid back but this would be unforgivable.

WinkysTeatowel · 02/02/2019 13:20

@timetoriseandshine SM is Step Mother.
You can look most up here

Wallywobbles · 02/02/2019 13:20

SM is Step-mother. But generally as a forum newbie it's up to you to look up the abbreviations not the millions of posters to write long hand.

MorningRichie · 02/02/2019 13:21

Time - you seriously cant work out who SM is?

Gigglebrain · 02/02/2019 13:21

@timetoriseandshine@
Step mum, any anacromyms you don't understand, google!

ChristmasFlary · 02/02/2019 13:21

timetoriseandshine - did you mean to be so rude?

MN has a list of acronyms.

user1467718508 · 02/02/2019 13:22

@timetoriseandshine stepmother
Likewise, as you have time to comment (on a site that's known for using acronyms), you could have done a 3 second Google for the Mumsnet acronym page Wink

PotteryLady · 02/02/2019 13:22

She is out of order and I think you are being quite calm. She would never me of my child again. To keep a curl for herself I can't get my breath she is unbelievable- good luck in getting it off her .

AnotherEmma · 02/02/2019 13:22

"She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me."

Cheeky fucking bitch. The VERY LEAST she could do it give you the lock of hair. If I was you I would send DP over there to get it and tell him not to come home without it.

No more leaving DD with her (or FIL) without you or DP being there. That would be the absolute last time they get unsupervised contact. And I would take a break from seeing them full stop for a while.

Angry
DishingOutDone · 02/02/2019 13:23

MorningRichie what's the three do's? Did I miss something?

ChasedByBees · 02/02/2019 13:23

Reading that she wants to keep the lock has made me so angry for you. It would be all she had as I wouldn’t see her again full stop.

SusanneLinder · 02/02/2019 13:23

OMG, I would have been fuming! First hair cuts are special. I have grandchildren and would never even dream of taking them for their first haircut. That's a parents job!
I went with DD to get DGS's first haircut, so we could get pics ( she had to hold him..lol).
I wouldn't even take them now they are bigger, as it's still the parents job to decide how they want their hair ( until old enough to decide themselves obviously)

Bigonesmallone3 · 02/02/2019 13:25

YANU
I'd would hit the roof and be demanding that lock of hair

BookwormMe2 · 02/02/2019 13:26

Blimey, entitled much, Time?! Hmm You've been posting on MN since the first week of Jan, plenty of time to look up the acronyms.

Sorry, OP, didn't mean to derail! I'm curious: how did SM react when you told her to stay out of your way, or did you put the phone down before she could answer?

MorningRichie · 02/02/2019 13:26

Dishing, IIRC

Do you love your grandchild?
Do you want a relationshìp with them?
Do as you're fucking told then.

As I say, a healthy relationship with the GPs means this should never be required, but when boundaries are overstepped to this degree, I think it's certainly reasonable to go to GF and SM to just blatantly make that statement and then silently wait for them to respond.

shuthefrontdoor · 02/02/2019 13:28

I'm with you op. My daughter has lovely curly hair and I can't bring myself to even take her for a trim. I just tie it up where I can now. And for her keeping a lock of her curly hair.... no way! Go round and get it!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/02/2019 13:32

My ex mil did this with dd. Only she didnt take her to the hairdressers, she did it herself and really hacked at dd's curly hair.

I was fuming so i told my ex. He was fumed even more and told his mum where to go.

Her didnt even need cutting at the time as we have a regular hairdresser who does it every 3 months to make make the curls look neat.

OhThatsASnazzyBouquet · 02/02/2019 13:33
Shock
Soubriquet · 02/02/2019 13:38

My Nan once cut the the fringe of my dd when she was 4.

I was furious and so was dh. I had told her I taking dd to the hairdressers that week to get it cut, and my Nan cut it herself. It was terribly wonky and took ages to grow back.

Even my nans hairdresser berated her for it.

She hasn’t done anything like it since

BumbleeBeeMe · 02/02/2019 13:39

I think you need to be more angry if anything. And I suppose you've changed your mind about her needing to see them now?
Stand your ground, tell her in no uncertain terms if she doesn't give you the lock of hair it'll be all she has to remember your DD as she won't be seeing her again.

DwayneDibbly · 02/02/2019 13:41

I'd go fucking ballistic. My friend had this happen with her ex-partner & his current GF - took their daughter and had her waist-length hair cut into a bob. Angry I don't even blowdry my DSDs hair unless I have permission from her Mum. Oh OP, I'm utterly gutted on your behalf.

ScreamingValenta · 02/02/2019 13:42

You're right to be annoyed, OP, but some of the responses here are ridiculous. Her hair will grow back and I'm sure it will be as lovely as it was before. Don't make yourself unhappy by holding a lifelong grudge about the incident.

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