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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to think they should have been supervised?

138 replies

itsallslush · 01/02/2019 15:29

Ready for the flaming... but I want to hear what other people would do.

Is it OK for a 9 yr old to slice bread for toast without an adult around - when he's not been shown how? The 11 yr old was up but DH was still dead to the world (big night out) so they were getting their own breakfast. I was at work. I know bread knives aren't sharp - but also that DC doesn't know a bread knife from a carving knife. Is the answer to teach him which is which - or to get my lazy-arsed DH to get up?

It's not a one off - though it's usually not because of a boozy night, just because he doesn't get up. But things aren't good between us at the moment, so I don't know if that's skewing my view of the whole thing.

How do/did you work out what - and when - kids should do various things on their own?

OP posts:

Original poster

itsallslush · 01/02/2019 20:49

@BitOutOfPractice I love you!!

Although obviously we've got the unicycling nailed...

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 01/02/2019 21:06

Op of course. Honestly take no notice of the competitive parenting

WhoAmIToTellYou · 01/02/2019 21:32

9 and 11 year olds should know how to make toast...

Claudia1980 · 01/02/2019 21:37

I’m extremely surprised a 9 year old doesn’t know how to cut bread, make toast etc. No I don’t think they would need to be supervised. My 5 year old can put toast in the toaster and butter her own bread. But I know all kids are different

Desmondo2016 · 01/02/2019 21:42

Admittedly I o my read pages 1 and 5 but I'm really struggling with the link between your child using a knife and your frustration with your DH.

Some 9 year olds could and some couldnt. It's hardly the point. Your dh will always be a lazy sod and neglecting the kids by the sound of it which is a far more important debate you should be having!

Or then again, your kids aren't exactly tiny. Are you just begrudging him a lie in and bigging up the child neglect angle to justify it?

Original poster

itsallslush · 01/02/2019 21:44

@badreams , you're right btw. Things aren't at all good. Thank you for asking - though going into all that would be a whole other thread.

I wanted to focus on the parenting issue - and not have it coloured by our relationship problems like it is IRL.

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Aeroflotgirl · 01/02/2019 21:50

Yabvvu, my D's now 7, was doing that at 6. He would figure out what to do, a 9 year old shoumd certainly have those skills.

Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 01/02/2019 22:03

Itsallslush - I think a 9 year old should be capable of using a knife to cut bread but I am curious as to what age you were planning to teach him this? And what age do you think they should be when they learn to cook? Would you teach them explicitly or do you want them to learn by picking things up by just watching you in the kitchen?

Original poster

itsallslush · 01/02/2019 22:06

@Desmondo2016 I do begrudge him a lie-in when he's the only adult in the house.

There isn't a particular link between the bread/knife issue and his attitude I suppose. It could have been any minor but potentially risky thing.

Like I say, I wanted to see if I was BU about the bread/knife thing - or if it was really about my problems with DH (mostly it seems).

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Tunnocks34 · 01/02/2019 22:07

At that age yes.

I sympathise though. My OH (and me but that’s a different matter) last weekend didn’t hear our 5 year old go downstairs at 5am, and make himself and his 3 year old brother Nutella and toast. We woke up when he dropped the plates back in the sink after they had enjoyed breakfast in bed!

We were horrified, and impressed in equal measures. He’s been told he’s obviously not allowed to do this again with out us there- and to wake us when he wants to go downstairs!

badreams · 01/02/2019 22:11

@itsallslush I think you should make that other thread then, OP...

But my best wishes to you, anyway. I hope it works out for you and whatever the other issues are, I hope you can resolve them in whatever way is best for you

Hugglessnuggles · 01/02/2019 22:16

Ds114 was 8, when he first walked in from the kitchen with beans on toast, with bread he had cup himself. We were a little shocked and he said he’d watched us plenty of times to know how to do it. We were in the garden at the time.
Ds18 was about 14 before he done it, as he was always afraid someone would go Wong. However both and ds14 are now excellent cooks.

But I think it’s down to the child. Most know at that age what they are capable of and what not. And if they aren’t they will ask for help. I think this is more about your dp though having a lie in and not getting up with the children (I may be totally wrong though!).

Jamhandprints · 01/02/2019 22:18

Well I think it's sad OP that your OH couldn't be bothered to get them breakfast. Hopefully they didn't mind. My 7 year old likes to get his own cereal or make his own sandwich but I leave everything ready for him. Also it's a planned thing that we talk about the night before, not just an "I'm hungry and there's nobody to help me" kind of thing!

NellyandKelly · 01/02/2019 22:19

Well, how ridiculous that they can’t use sharp knives yet!

My baby had a knife put in his hands as soon as he exited my womb, so that he could learn how to saw through his own umbilical cord.

By the time he was two, he’d mastered six different martial arts - many involving knives. He could slice a loaf of bread by throwing a shuriken from the other side of the room.

He’s just turned 9 and he’s built our entire third home from scratch, with his bare hands.

So yes, YABU that your child can’t cut bread... almost as U as half of these comments are 🙄

SpoonBlender · 02/02/2019 01:00

Aprilshowers Bread knives are often bevelled on only one side of the blade, in which case they do behave differently when pushed from the left or the right - so if that's what you have, it's perfectly reasonable for your leftie DS to have trouble with one that works fine for a rightie.

I bought a breadknife for the camping kit some years ago, and always had trouble with it - both DP and I managed to gash ourselves at least once. Turns out the bevels were really deep and on the opposite side to our home breadknife. We gave it to a leftie friend who was astonished about how much better it worked for him than his existing knife!

BitOutOfPractice · 02/02/2019 06:23

I'm really struggling with the link between your child using a knife and your frustration with your DH.

The link is obvious. It's been stated many times. Op thinks her DH should've been up supervising the kids. Instead of lying in bed while they did stuff the op considers dangerous. Exactly as the title says. And it seems that this is just one example of him being lazy / uninvolved / a bit shit.

The op has been castigated for not having kids who run Companies / go down mines : ski off piste / use knives by the age of 6. Built the real point of the thread isn't to boast about what a cool parent you are that. It's about the lazy arsed husband. Who doesn't pull his weight with the kids.

Does that make it clearer?

Coyoacan · 02/02/2019 06:29

Aren't parents supposed to teach children life skills anymore? If using a knife was a school subject, your child would have learnt it at least a year ago.

JenniferJareau · 02/02/2019 07:04

What a load of pompous arses you all are.

I don’t see any 'pompous arses', just people with different expectations. All things being equal I'd expect kids of 9 and 11 to make their own breakfast unsupervised including being able to slice a loaf of bread to make toast.

Some of the comments on here show that clearly a nerve has been hit as their kids can't / never been shown how to prepare their own breakfast which a lot of people would find unreasonable.

Nacreous · 02/02/2019 07:16

I was really bad at slicing bread not wonky for years due to my left handedness. However, I would have known my limits and either a) had cereal or b) woken up the relevant parent. I definitely used to make my own breakfast and packed lunch from the age of 7, as that was when my little brother was born.

It sounds like there are other problems thigh, and without any other info I would usually expect adults to be up by 8am on a weekday.

Shockers · 02/02/2019 07:27

At 9 I was slicing bread for toast, scrambling eggs and making cups of tea.

I could also bake cakes unsupervised, and make a great corned beef hash over a campfire.

All the benefits of being a Brownie!

Just show them how to do it properly and let them get on with it.

Shockers · 02/02/2019 07:28

But yes, your husband should have been up.

EyesUnderARock · 02/02/2019 07:37

I found it easier to set rules before letting mine free-range in the kitchen was a better approach, along with direct teaching of skills and then scaffolding support until they were ready to be completely independent.
So your 9 year old should have known he wasn’t allowed to use the bread knife.

EyesUnderARock · 02/02/2019 07:41

And for those who worry about cuts, or wonky bread, have you not come across bread cutting guides? Very useful for the crack-handed or very precise, and very safe.

Happyandshiney · 02/02/2019 08:33

Leaving aside the issue of the drunken husband (which I would have been annoyed with too) my question OP is what are you planning to do about the kids’ kitchen skills now?

They have shown they are confident and competent to make food for themselves, are you thinking of teaching them other things?

Original poster

itsallslush · 02/02/2019 08:48

Yes I will teach them. Older DC did manage it. The younger one didn't. And they didn't feel able to wake up DH. And yes I know that's a bigger issue.

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