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Original poster

Should tickling children be illegal

88 replies

GingerSwan · 01/02/2019 11:40

Seen this on the TV today, now obviously I think this is overkill and completely ridiculous!

But... my dad used to tickle me until I was hysterical, I would beg for him to stop and really really mean it. I couldn’t breathe or speak and I’d be crying my eyes out (not with laughter). He thought it was funny but I found it horrific. Even now as an adult I’m traumatised and can’t even be tickled by my partner whilst messing about Blush

I tickle my own children as a joke and only for a couple of seconds and I would have no problem with anyone else tickling my children either in a loving, fun way.

But to me there is a point where you cross the line of consent with it. It’s just at a really extreme end of the scale. What does everyone think?

OP posts:
Ribbonsonabox · 01/02/2019 11:43

Well theres a point with everything where a line is crossed.. I mean you wouldn't call to ban hugging but obviously hugging can be very inappropriate... it all depends on the context. Tickling in itself isnt wrong... but what your dad did to you was wrong.

TinselTimes · 01/02/2019 11:43

There’s definitely a point you need to stop - DH had the same experience of his dad just keeping on tickling and not stopping, and found it upsetting. We’re careful not to tickle our DCs for too long - DS1 in particular is very ticklish but can get overwhelmed with it.

whatsthepointthen · 01/02/2019 11:44

In a word NO.

SandunesAndRainclouds · 01/02/2019 11:45

I don’t think it should be illegal, no.

But I do think a conversation around body autonomy and children is a good thing to have. My parents never stopped the ‘normal’ tickling / sibling play fighting that my brother inflicted on me, but I hated it. He didn’t know when to stop (or was just unkind and enjoyed making me suffer) and I wish someone had been more aware of my right as a child to own my body and have my No! respected.

I have tickled my DC’s as little ones, but as soon as they say no / stop or even before if it looks uncomfortable I stop.

Stormwhale · 01/02/2019 11:45

I think there is a middle ground here. It is absolutely possible to tickle children in a respectful way that doesn't affect their bodily autonomy.

With dd I will tickle her just for a second, then stop. I then do not start again unless she asks me to. If she says stop at any point, I stop immediately. She enjoys this, I am not using my physical strength against her, and she knows it is up to her if we are playing a tickling game or not.

Wolfiefan · 01/02/2019 11:46

My dad was the same. He was an abusive arsehole who used it as a way of controlling children and it felt like torture. I hated it.
Would tickle my kids when they were younger but never without warning. Made sure they were happy to be tickled and stopped after a moment to check again. Easy to do this in a playful way.
I certainly didn’t pin them down.

R3b3kah · 01/02/2019 11:46

I’m exactly the same, I’m nearly 30 and still remember my dad tickling me to the point I couldn’t breathe, talk or shout to stop and would end up crying... But he was only messing and don’t think he realised it could be so distressing

I hate being tickled, so does my 11 year old he kicks out and screams

Sparklesocks · 01/02/2019 11:46

I think ‘illegal’ is too heavy handed but I do think if a child is asking you to stop and is ignored there is a point where it goes too far. You can see when a child is distressed and uncomfortable even if they’re laughing (as an impulse rather than enjoying it). Children should have their boundaries respected in this context.

Youshallnotpass · 01/02/2019 11:47

We tickle our little one until he says "Stop it Daddy or Mummy". We do then immediately.

They laugh a lot while we do it

Hoppinggreen · 01/02/2019 11:48

Not illegal as such but touching anyone who doesn’t want you to is unacceptable
I hate being ticked and people have refused to stop unless I’ve been quite aggressive with them - sometimes it hurts!
Dd has always hated it too and I’ve had to tell people to stop before, DS loves it though and asks me to do it.
So basically it should be treated the same as any other form of touching - ok with consent

EhlanaOfElenia · 01/02/2019 11:54

Not illegal, but there needs to be a recognition that tickling is very easy to take overboard. I also think children need to be made aware that they can kick or hit out if they are tickled beyond what they are comfortable with in self defence, just as much as they can defend against a hit.

CookYourOwnDinner · 01/02/2019 11:55

I don’t think it should be illegal, but it can be defined as abuse if it happens against someone’s will/for prolonged periods.

I too was tickled until I couldn’t breathe, cried, screamed and sometimes I wet myself. It’s not at all funny, and even felt painful at times.

Considering the theory is that it’s an evolutionary reflex to protect vulnerable parts of the body by making you try to get away or stop someone reaching the ticklish place, it’s not essentially a very pleasant experience after a short while.

CookYourOwnDinner · 01/02/2019 11:57

I also think children need to be made aware that they can kick or hit out if they are tickled beyond what they are comfortable with in self defence, just as much as they can defend against a hit.

Agreed. In fact my arms and legs used to fly everywhere without me having to think much about it, once it got really bad. Unfortunately then I’d get shouted at. Hmm

RomanyRoots · 01/02/2019 11:58

Your Dad was wrong he should have stopped long before you got to the state you did.
But we'd have to ban everything that could be taken too far.
Sex, because some people are rapists?
Food, because some people are obese?
Smoking outside because some people are rude and anti social?

Lemoneeza · 01/02/2019 12:00

I posted a thread a couple of years ago saying similar, and majority of replies said I was ridiculous and unreasonable. really glad this has been brought into the spotlight by Russel brand.
children are entitled to respect and bodily autonomy.

anxiousbundle · 01/02/2019 12:03

Not illegal but I hate being tickled- it would be a bit ridiculous to have a 'no tickling' law!

Whoever invented tickling is a sadist.

Lemoneeza · 01/02/2019 12:03

also children might not enjoy it as much as they say. they like parental attention and pleasing adults, so sometimes just go along with something that achieves that.

megletthesecond · 01/02/2019 12:05

Not illegal. But parents need to lay off it the moment a kid says stop.
I hate it and have rarely done it to my dcs.

user1457017537 · 01/02/2019 12:05

I hated it as a child and think adults who tickle a child until the child can’t breathe are abusive c*nts!

user1493413286 · 01/02/2019 12:06

Obviously not make it illegal but I think some people need to rethink how they view it as if someone was hugging your child holding onto them when they were struggling and saying no you’d think it odd and out of order that they didn’t stop whereas with tickling that seems to be ok.
There’s also an unfortunate theory around tickling breaking the touching barrier for children and making the progression to abuse; obviously rare but happens.

Sirzy · 01/02/2019 12:07

I hate being tickled. I wouldn’t expect anyone to do it after being told “no” and be same should go for a child.

It’s acrually a good way to teach young children about body autonomy in that you ask someone to stop or say no they need to respect that.

Sirzy · 01/02/2019 12:09

Same goes for things like kissing relatives. Ds has always hated it and we have pissed off relatives in the past when he has said no and I haven’t pushed him.

I remember my nephew hated it so my uncle taught him to shake hands instead as that was what he felt comfy with

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 01/02/2019 12:11

I don't think it should be made illegal because it would be hard to determine where a line had been crossed when it became inappropriate. There's different types of tickling, there's the soft caresses which is one thing, playful tickling where it's not taken too far and the extreme tickling which goes too far, is unpleasant and can be abusive. Some people may see it as a sexual thing whereas others don't. So certain types are ok, some are wrong but it would be hard to decipher exactly what had taken place.

BeanTownNancy · 01/02/2019 12:12

I think that it should be recognised to be potentially abusive or traumatising so I'm glad there is some knowledge around that now.
My 2yo asks to be tickled, but I would never "restrain" him while tickling - I make sure he can easily get away and I won't chase him with the tickles, so if he dropped to the floor I would stop. I remember not being able to get away when my parents tickled me and it was genuinely scary at times, though I know they would be mortified to realise that now.

PickleFish · 01/02/2019 12:14

not illegal, but it should be recognised that people should stop as soon as the child says so.

i'm another who got tickled by siblings and really disliked it, but the more I protested it (because I was laughing from reflex at the same time), the more they did it as they thought it was funny to see me like that and didn't really believe I hated it.

Awful feeling ( for some people ).