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Original poster

Should tickling children be illegal

88 replies

GingerSwan · 01/02/2019 11:40

Seen this on the TV today, now obviously I think this is overkill and completely ridiculous!

But... my dad used to tickle me until I was hysterical, I would beg for him to stop and really really mean it. I couldn’t breathe or speak and I’d be crying my eyes out (not with laughter). He thought it was funny but I found it horrific. Even now as an adult I’m traumatised and can’t even be tickled by my partner whilst messing about Blush

I tickle my own children as a joke and only for a couple of seconds and I would have no problem with anyone else tickling my children either in a loving, fun way.

But to me there is a point where you cross the line of consent with it. It’s just at a really extreme end of the scale. What does everyone think?

OP posts:
ButtMuncher · 01/02/2019 12:14

I've never been ticklish so it never worked for me. But I've always been uncomfortable with anybody tickling a child or adult until they're begging for it to be stopped. DH once did this to DSS and I had a very heated conversation about how it wasn't fair to do that to a child (or adult) once they've said stop. I wouldn't say it needs to be illegal, but its subject to the same body autonomy relevant in sexual contact to me - if someone says stop, you stop. DH has never done it since.

I'm the same with DS and DSS when it comes to hugging. MIL often 'forces' hugs and I've always told the boys if they don't want to hug, they don't have to (being grumpy aside) - I wouldn't hug someone if I didn't want to and I believe bringing my children up to respect body autonomy and their own desires as to whether they want that contact or not will help them to respect people in future.

PickleFish · 01/02/2019 12:15

soft caresses are some of the worst kinds of tickling for me, so you wouldn't even be able to distinguish what was OK tickling and what wasn't, as for some people that would be fine, but harder tickling wouldn't. I hated light touch more than anything.

Tootzatwhoa · 01/02/2019 12:17

You're traumatised?

NutElla5x · 01/02/2019 12:19

I'm the most ticklish person ever and can't bear it for more than a few seconds,so have never tickled my kids for longer than that either. It is on the whole a lovely playful thing though, and banning it because some idiots take it too far would be a shame and quite frankly bloody ridiculous.

ShadyLady53 · 01/02/2019 12:22

Yes, I do think it’s should be made illegal. I grew up in a household where there was next to no physical affection and found being tickled by family members I rarely saw, friends’ fathers, older children etc to be really distressing as I wasn’t used to being touched at all. I’d end up having panic attacks, crying, not being able to breathe and for some reason that only encouraged these people more. It was really, really horrible and totally overwhelming.

Worse thing of all was how when I didn’t like it and asked them to stop or begged my parents to intervene, I was made out to be some sort of freak and shamed for saying no. Needless to say it sent very confusing messages to me.

Bottom line is that it’s often non-consensual and carried out by a much older, physically stronger person. I don’t think we should be encouraging that.

Oysterbabe · 01/02/2019 12:24

My 2 love being tickled and usually shriek "again!" when I stop. I would never continue if they said stop.

Confusedbeetle · 01/02/2019 12:26

Adults frequently misread the signs and think a child is enjoying the tickling. At first, they often are enjoying a gentle tickle but then it gets out of hand, particularly the armpits and is more like pain, The laughing is more like hysteria. Many people don't get when to stop. As an adult my OH used to think it was a good game, I hated it. I see my grandchildren tickled too much and have to stop it

M3lon · 01/02/2019 12:27

I agree with the PP who mentioned hugging, and I guess kissing also fits. In fact most forms of physical contact are the same. If its fun and consensual and respects boundaries then its fine. If its done in the wrong context without respect or for the purposes of asserting control then of course its not okay.

You can't ban it, but I would certainly report it as abuse if I saw someone using it essentially as control/punishment of a child.

So sorry to those posters who experienced abuse. Flowers

Drum2018 · 01/02/2019 12:28

If anyone attempted to tickle me I'd fucking punch them. I absolutely hate it. So if there was ever a vote to make it illegal I'd vote yes. It really is not a pleasant experience and why people think they have a right to do it, especially to small children who cannot tell them to fuck off, is beyond me. I must tell my Ds that he has every right to shout fuck off if anyone ever tickles him #bantickling Grin

Last2Know · 01/02/2019 12:29

It's all about crossing lines isn't it. A parent should be able to determine if it's too much and when the fun starts turning into something unbearable.

A little tickle now and then doesn't hurt. The world has gone mad.

Confusedbeetle · 01/02/2019 12:29

Children should be allowed to decline to hug a relative if they want. They learn autonomy over their own body that way. Most of my generation grew up with being told to hug or kiss a relative. When toddlers choose to launch at you with a hug it is the real deal and very precious

Original poster
GingerSwan · 01/02/2019 12:32

Tootzatwhoa unfortunately yes, I can’t even bear to be tickled even slightly by my partner, it sends me into “fight or flight” mode and I start kicking and lashing out Blush

But I was physically restrained to be tickled beyond far more than I could bear as a “joke”. Even thinking about it upsets me

He would also do this thing called a horse bite? Where he stuck his fingers under my kneecaps and squeezed

I don’t think any of it was in malice but there was zero respect for me saying (begging) no

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerSwan · 01/02/2019 12:33

This has been so reassuring because I’ve always been too embarrassed to say anything in real life thinking no one understood

I don’t think it should be illegal but we should definitely respect a child saying “stop”

OP posts:
icannotremember · 01/02/2019 12:35

I tickle my dc but I make sure we're both positioned in such a way that they can move away from the tickling with barely any effort, if that makes sense, and I pause every few seconds and only tickle some more if/ when they say "more tickles", because I also find tickling unbearable and hate the thought of forcing it on people. My eldest is weird, he has hardly any tickle reflex (if that's the right phrasing?).

Senac32 · 01/02/2019 12:40

When my eldest daughter was about 7 she had a little 'gang' who caught their enemies and tortured them by tickling. In the cemetery too. They had to walk through there on the way home from school.
Or so she told me.

TheCowboy · 01/02/2019 12:45

@GingerSwan that's a camel bite, where you quickly pinch the lower thigh around the quads. I love administering them, I'm a bad dad.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 01/02/2019 12:46

I used to hate being tickled as a child. Luckily I’m not actually ticklish now so it isn’t something I need to worry about!

Because I hated it so much, right from the start I also did as a PP did. My children love being tickled but when they stop, we stop immediately. We’ve always told DC ‘your body, your choice’. DS did once try to use that as an excuse to not go for a walk, but it works for the most part Grin.

MirriVan · 01/02/2019 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GivemeGinandTonic · 01/02/2019 12:51

This is a really interesting debate. I’ve always found it odd that some people think tickling is something that all children are somehow fond of. Babies and toddlers in particular should not be tickled - it’s not like they can say no! Sometimes it’s like we are programmed to laugh a little at something like being tickled, because the person doing it thinks they are doing it for your fun / enjoyment iyswim ? The reality is as many people really dislike being tickled as those who like it. However - a vast majority of those who dislike it almost feel like they can’t say it.
I do have several friends who were often tickled to a point of tears when they were younger and say they see it as a form of torture. Often when someone is saying no or stop, when they are being tickled - they are laughing at the same time, the tickler then wrongly thinks it’s ok to carry on. Absolutely a worthwhile discussion to have been brought in the spotlight.

Musereader · 01/02/2019 12:59

I have been in an abusive relationship where ex tickled me until I couldn't breath and it was painful and pinned me to the floor unable to escape several times, including once in front of friends in a nearly empty tram station. Now I always try to make sure that 2yo DD can always get away because of how scary it was when my ex did it

icannotremember · 01/02/2019 13:08

I love administering them, I'm a bad dad.

Do your dc love receiving them?

PossiblyPFB · 01/02/2019 13:23

On the subject of tickling / body autonomy-

Dd was tickled, only briefly, as some sort of “friendly gesture” by a random waiter abroad on holiday once- it startled her and made us and her very uncomfortable.

It came out of absolutely nowhere so wasn’t exactly preventable - thankful we had already drummed into her the concept of her body autonomy. We all took that moment to discuss it again and reassure her.

Dd loves to be tickled by us (and obviously we stop if she asks) but every time she’s soon saying “again! Again!” - however a serious line was crossed by a random stranger touching her in that way!!

PS I don’t understand why anyone in this day and age would think that that’s ok.... I didn’t take it forward but the waiter immediately knew from her and our reaction it wasn’t welcome. It didn’t happen again.

Stompythedinosaur · 01/02/2019 13:27

Obviously it shouldn't, but we do have a rule that stop means stop (with tickling or anything else).

TheCowboy · 01/02/2019 15:17

@icannotremember of course not, no-one enjoys a camel bite.

I only do it once when they're not expecting it, it's hardly a prolonged, vicious attack.

Hoppinggreen · 01/02/2019 15:30

So why do you do it thecowboy?