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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should tickling children be illegal

88 replies

GingerSwan · 01/02/2019 11:40

Seen this on the TV today, now obviously I think this is overkill and completely ridiculous!

But... my dad used to tickle me until I was hysterical, I would beg for him to stop and really really mean it. I couldn’t breathe or speak and I’d be crying my eyes out (not with laughter). He thought it was funny but I found it horrific. Even now as an adult I’m traumatised and can’t even be tickled by my partner whilst messing about

I tickle my own children as a joke and only for a couple of seconds and I would have no problem with anyone else tickling my children either in a loving, fun way.

But to me there is a point where you cross the line of consent with it. It’s just at a really extreme end of the scale. What does everyone think?

OP posts:

ashtrayheart · 01/02/2019 17:29

This thread has made me remember that horrible feeling of being tickled and not being able to make it stop.

grenadezombie · 01/02/2019 17:36

No but being an arsehole to your child should be. That's what it boils down to. Control.

Bumblebee39 · 01/02/2019 17:48

I remember being tickled by a neighbour once as a child
I didn't know him particularly well but he had lots of kids of his own
I'm not sure if my parents were there

I begged him to stop, his finger nails were quite sharp, I was crying and had a stitch from heaving with laughter which was uncontrollable and painful not pleasant at all

That said I do tickle my kids sometimes. Gently, being careful due to having long sharp nails myself, and so that they giggle but not uncontrollably. I have never once so much as scratched them. They have never cried or been in pain, only giggled. They have never pushed my hand away or asked me to stop but if they did I of course would.

That's the line. Consent ends when they end consent.

My ex used to tickle me knowing I hated it and that I giggled but found it very uncomfortable. He was abusive and it was one of the many smaller subtler ways he chipped away at me. If I complained he'd say to older DC

"You're mums a weirdo, she doesn't like being tickled."

So yeah, I won't be trusting him with the DCs either due to crap like that. Basically he thought consent was boring and irrelevant and that everything was just "banter" (aka bullying). There were big issues, but I think that a general attitude of "my amusement is more important than your self autonomy and comfort" is always low level abuse. If they say no or stop, listen.

TheCowboy · 01/02/2019 18:26

@icannotremember oh bore of you sadsack. You saying you never do anything to tease people for a jape? It's an affectionate bit of silliness that at worst gets an exasperated 'daddy!!'. If you think this is some sort of psychological torment you need to get a grip of yourself.

M3lon · 01/02/2019 18:29

hmmm...yes I also don't do things that I know people dislike for 'fun'. Its because I'm not a sadist. I don't enjoy other people's pain or humiliation.

MrsTerryPratcett · 01/02/2019 18:49

@TheCowboy do you want your female children to be able to say "no" and be heard when they're older? Do you want your male children to understand that "no" means "no" and that doing something they enjoy when they know the other person doesn't is wrong?

Because who's teaching them that? You aren't.

Rach000 · 01/02/2019 22:12

I would probably say it should be illegal but know that's a bit extreme. My FIL tickles my daughter a lot sometimes and she asks him to stop but he doesn't as he thinks she likes it. If I have been there I try get him to stop and make her come sit with me but he doesn't realise. It's really fucking annoying, wish he wouldn't do it. He think rough play and fighting is normal and toughens you up. He used to.do it with his 2 sons when they were young but I don't like it with my girl who isn't into that sort of play.

Lemoneeza · 01/02/2019 22:18

@Rach000 please speak up louder for your dd and put a stop to it. I know it's hard.

Hoppinggreen · 02/02/2019 09:24

Another parent here who doesn’t do things to my children that hurt and they don’t like “ because it’s fun”
thecowboy you are the sadsack and the aggressive way you respond to people challenging you sums up what a nasty individual you are.
What if a boyfriend did that to your chiid when they are older - are you ok with that? You are teaching them that it’s acceptable for someone to hurt them “ for a laugh”

icannotremember · 02/02/2019 09:35

@TheCowboy awww bless, sensitive little snowflake aren't you?

HoraceCope · 02/02/2019 09:40

i dont think i was ever tickled as a child, as a teen, by a boyfriend, yes. but no childhood memories.

TheMoistvonlipwig · 02/02/2019 09:53

I hate tickling. My brother and dad used to tickle me roughly and refuse to stop because I was laughing so I "must be enjoying it". I have nightmare about being aggressively tickled regularly.

I hate it when my DH tickles my DDs. He isn't rough with it and they do seem to enjoy it but I can't relax when he does it and I snap at him to stop and end up feeling like a boring nag

I hate that it gets them over excited and then they get carried away and act up/don't know when to stop and calm down. This thread has made me realise why I hate it so much. I don't think it should be illegal but the thread has inspired me to explain properly to my DH why it bothers me so much.

Rach000 · 02/02/2019 18:27

I think I will say more next time, reading some of these messages has made me realise it isn't nice. It's hard as they look after her 1 day a week while I work. She does stand up for herself fairly well but suppose is hard when been tickled. I don't think tickling is really appropriate or needed.

I do it my younger daughter who is 1 but don't actually tickle a lot or do it not touching all the time and still makes her laugh.

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