Should tickling children be illegal

[GingerSwan]

Seen this on the TV today, now obviously I think this is overkill and completely ridiculous!

But... my dad used to tickle me until I was hysterical, I would beg for him to stop and really really mean it. I couldn’t breathe or speak and I’d be crying my eyes out (not with laughter). He thought it was funny but I found it horrific. Even now as an adult I’m traumatised and can’t even be tickled by my partner whilst messing about

I tickle my own children as a joke and only for a couple of seconds and I would have no problem with anyone else tickling my children either in a loving, fun way.

But to me there is a point where you cross the line of consent with it. It’s just at a really extreme end of the scale. What does everyone think?

Russell Brand further proving his moronic status here. He’s such a dick.

Look, smacking is still legal in the UK and that is far more damaging to a child than tickling. Let’s focus on outlawing HITTING before we try to stop something many children enjoy. Honestly, I used to ask my DF to give me ‘chin pie’, it was fun at the time. I’ve never met a person who tells me they are traumatised and have needed therapy over childhood tickling . This is so ridiculous.

Its actually got nothing to do with tickling at all.

Including tickling just makes it sound ridiculous. Its more should we respect adults and children's bodily autonomy and stop doing something when they ask you to, or you can tell they are uncomfortable with.

The answer to that is yes. However, if you are the type of person to pin a child down and tickle them even though they are saying stop, or crying or unhappy or wetting themselves then you are unlikely to stop being wankers because the law says so.

So much abuse goes unreported, because it can sound ridiculous when said. Such as 'tickling can be abusive'. but its not until you break down to its simplest form that it becomes serious. So 'Is pinning someone down someone smaller and weaker than you and doing something they cant move away from, have asked you not to and are showing unhappiness at, abusive'. Most people who don't abuse others would agree it was.

I love tickling my child, they love being tickled

BUT - it's never prolonged, I never pin them down, as soon as they say stop I do and I wait for them to ask me to do it again.

I can't believe this thread, of course tickling shouldn't be banned!

Anything done to extremes can be harmful. Banning stuff doesn't magically make it stop or furnish people with more common sense!

Illegal, no. I don’t think there’s any need. But I can think of quite a few people I know or knew when I was a child who needed to a few lessons in respecting children’s personal space. Not just tickling but all those people insisting that a child gives them a hug or a kiss and refusing to back down.

I watched a programme about Rod Hull and Emu the other night and it was just horrendous. The way he used to literally attack people and do those awful camel bites. Of course back then, it was all high japes and isn't this hilarious.

It probably influenced a lot of people from our parents generation who thought that sustained tickling was highly amusing because everyone laughed at fucking emu!

I find it really odd the a parent does something to a child that they don't like, don't want, ask them not to do, and isn't good for them.

If you do, you're probably an arsehole.

Girls and boys both need to be taught that their consent is required even for 'fun' touching. Possibly it seems joyless, but our house is full of tickling, chasing, kissing, hugging, wrestling, all sorts of stuff. It just stops the second anyone doesn't want it.

I hate tickling!

I also hate those kneecap squeezes, it feels horrible so I don't know why someone would want to do that to another.

Before I joined Mumsnet it had never ever not once even occurred to me that tickling could be considered a form of abuse.

I mean, I get it, I can see how it could be used abusively, but surely making it illegal is a bit ridiculous? Is it really such a widespread problem?

I can remember being tickled as a child and pleading for it to stop through giggles and then going back for more seconds later ad finatum. The only time I tickle my kids is briefly if they are in a sulky strop, to lighten the air.

I guess maybe I have just been lucky to have never experienced some of the tickling stuff that seems to crop up on MN quite regularly 🤷‍♀️

I’m nearly 30 and the resentment and hate I have over my dad doing this to me is actually somewhat astonishing, I didn’t realise it had affected me so much.

But he just used to go on and on, I’d be screaming and crying unable to breathe nor laughing and it hurt like really hurt badly he was so rough. He’d literally chase us round the house pin us down somewhere and just not let up.

I didn’t realise until he started doing it to my son how much it had affected me, he tried doing it to him Christmas Day and I had to loose my rag to get him to stop so we’ve now fallen out as I’m ‘unreasonable and ridiculous’ apparently. Don’t particularly care tbh I said stop so did my son, so he should of stopped immediately.

As a rule I don’t tickle my kids, they absolutely hate it and I would never want to upset them.

My child loves being tickled. The second she says no or stop or anything else indicating we should cease, we stop instantly. It’s actualy a great way to teach respecting personal boundaries.

If she did not like tickling, we would never tickle her.

I don't tickle my children and it irritates me when their gran does. I hated being tickled. I don't think it should be illegal as people but I do think people should let you say no to it and stop straight away.

It shouldn't be illegal- that's overkill. But, like other pp's my dad thought it was hilarious to pin me down and tickle my feet. I had nightmares for years after and I now have issues with being touched ( an abuse exh found out about my dad and used tickling as a form of control).

It's abusive and shouldn't be normalised, but not enough to be made illegal

I think the real issue is people learning that "Stop!" means stop doing it now!

Different people have different pleasure thresholds for tickling and they need respecting. I loathe being tickled to the extent that wriggling fingers across the room can get me shivering. Actually tickling me runs a high risk of being kicked or walloped, and still people seem oblivious to what "no!" or "stop!" mean. I'm not even laughing or giving any sign of pleasure. Some of the people that have done it to me have been very surprising that I wouldn't have expected it from.

I do tickle my DCs, but stop immediately when they say so, and watch them carefully, has laughter changed from pleasure to panic/ distress. I think it is a useful lesson in consent. When their consent is withdrawn either with words or body language, it's game over.

DS2 is a tricky one to read and I'm trying to train him to use basic words as it's hard to read when he's had enough, particularly to DS1 when they play physically with eachother.

Tickling itself is not a problem. With consent and respect it can be a fun game.

I don't think tickling should be banned but as a rule of thumb for me, ask oneself if an adult would likely punch you in the face if you tickled them to certain level. If the answer is yes, don't inflict it on a child.

I was tickled by all and sundry when I was a child, right up into my bloody teens purely because I had a weird laugh that made everybody else laugh their tits off, except it wasn't really a laugh it was fucking hysterical laughter with a large amount of panic thrown in.

I also got the painful knee squeezes and one uncle (who I actually adored so couldn't pull away) used to love to pinch my chubby little cheeks. Only thing was, he would do it so hard it felt like my jaw was going to explode and shatter into a million pieces. I have never felt a singular more painful moment, pure agony. It was so bad, I've used his technique in self defence a few times. I did it to my DH once because he said no way could it be that painful and he wanted proof. He didn't ask me to prove it again, let's put it that way.

It makes me feel sick when I think about being tickled when I was younger. It's an awful feeling and adults would just do it for their own fun.

I’ve never met a person who tells me they are traumatised and have needed therapy over childhood tickling

Well now that you have read this thread, you know that there are quite a few such people.

Read my link above, it's seriously been used as a form of torture. It's really unpleasant and panic making.

I hate being tickled. I do tickle DD though so I guess I’m a hypocrite.

It’s not tickling that needs to be banned, it’s that people need to respect the boundaries with a child.

Very often adults feel that their boundaries are where the line should be. Whereas in certain circumstances like tickling the boundary should be where the child wants, or needs, it to be.

Adults are very disrespectful generally to children - tickling them, talking over them, not thanking them when they hold a door open etc. That’s what needs to change. Thankfully it slowly is changing in many areas, especially with bodily autonomy,

If someone says stop, you stop.

I dunno about illegal..

But on the other hand, doing something to the point where someone has to tell you to stop means you HAVE done that thing BEYOND the point they were happy with... by the time they ask you to stop, you've taken it further than they wanted already.

It's quite hard if you are being tickled, and you can't breathe properly, to ask someone to stop.

So yeah, maybe if people simply cannot get their heads around asking for consent and constantly checking by stopping until invited to continue, that they still have consent..., maybe thats necessary.

I'd like to think it isn't, but the ridicule with which just the concept of asking kids for consent and mindfulness around it is treated suggests it probably is.

TheCowboy Fri 01-Feb-19 15:17:43
@icannotremember of course not, no-one enjoys a camel bite.

Why on earth do you do it, then?

I only do it once when they're not expecting it, it's hardly a prolonged, vicious attack.

It's something you know they don't like. There is something vicious about that.