To say fuck it all and get on a train

[LearningMySelfWorth]

I'm struggling at the moment with my mental health and I cannot cope anymore with the relationships I have with the people around me. AIBU to tell them that I'm gonna take some time for myself and then get on a train to go to a theme park and stay in a hotel overnight and bloody well enjoy myself for once? I know it won't fix the issue but if I don't get away I'm going to break.

You also need to go to the GP as soon as possible and get some support whether that's medication or therapy or both. It really is bad enough for you to need to seek help and you know this. Look after yourself.

Sorry you're feeling this way OP.

Rollercoasters are not for me, but I can empathise with a lot of what you're describing, and I have taken myself off before for inpromptu spa weekends when my mental health is suffering - I think putting a bit of physical distance between me and whatever is causing my stress to peak really helps, as does feeling safe and hidden away in a nice hotel, being pampered, and giving myself the space and the quiet to process my feelings.

I hope that once you've had a bit of a rest and a treat, which it sounds like you definitely deserve, you then feel able to put some longer term strategies in place, whether that's trying a different medication, some talking therapy, group support, whatever would work for you.

I second going to the chaplain, OP. Although the circumstances are different, the most amazing support I ever had was from the two chaplains in my DH’s hospice. I’m atheist, not even brought up in their religion and not once did they try to push their religion or preach, they just held my hand if I needed it and listened.

I think it’s important to always tell at least one person what your doing or where your going. Just in case.

Very sensible. In that case, enjoy your trip!

I also agree with the chaplain idea. Apart from the chaplains who really have SEEN IT ALL, you also get a great mix of people in the chapel as well, from other areas of the university that you wouldn't otherwise meet. It's a nice place to each lunch, too!!!

Are there other mature age students as well? Some unis have a mature students association/group. It might be novel being the younger one at a uni group! At the uni I went to as a mature age student they put all of the mature age students together in one tutorial group (mostly foreign students as well) and it was great to make friends with people who were more like minded. If there isn't a group, you could always put a flyer up and see if other mature age students are interested in catching up for a drink or lunch occasionally.

I went through similar at uni and it continued for all three years. It was over 20 years ago but the issues were very similar. Does your uni have a nightline? Perhaps you could call and speak to them.

I was told the same thing with the issues I had with flat/housemates relying on me for everything.

My age gap wasn't a large as yours but it doesn't need to be large at that age gaps in maturity in top of years can be big.

Have a day off sick by all means, theme park if it will make you feel better but isn't that part of your mania? Sounds like you have been here before and know you need some urgent care for your mental health. Winding down, rest away from too much stimulation may be better. Have you got cpn or mh professional to call? Take care.

I think you could try to contact your student counselling service.
They will prioritise more urgent people. It is the relationships that are causing you the problem, so that's why the counselling relationship can help fix this. You said you tried it before but could only stick a couple of sessions. The therapy relationship teaches us how to 'stay' and not seek escape when the feelings start to bubble up. It's a safe place where it's safe to allow yourself little by little to feel unsafe...if you get me.
It's likely that your emotions are scary for you at the minute, for whatever reasons you most likely know why yourself. At some point in your life you had to suppress your own emotions in order to be a static object for someone else who was all over the place. I suspect as a child you had to 'step up' and were forced into a situation where you had become a grown up prematurely. Now the child part of you needs to revisit that bit and acknowledge how difficult that was, and how much pressure that put on you, and has continued to put on you.
Likely you sometimes find it difficult to be with other people because they evoke emotions in you that you haven't asked for.
You are happy to create emotion in yourself from a rollercoaster etc because you can 'control' that. Sometimes those impulsive or risky behaviours (ok a rollercoaster isn't risky) is a way to try to get a 'high' from our emotions that we can choose and control.
Talking to others about their problems is a good distraction from our own feelings, that's why we can end up feeling emeshed with other people. That's fine when we were seeking that, but when others then come back for more and we aren't in the mood that day it feels like a burden.
I hope that today is an OK day for you.
You sound like a lovely person who has a kind approach and looks out for others.

Can i come op.i feel the same.

In haste but can I suggest you look at the 'victim, perpetrator, rescuer' model? Hopefully someone with more time than I have right now might be able to explain it better than my headline and maybe link to it - it was literally the first thing that came into my head reading your various posts, really chimed. Good luck

111. Call 111.

101 is the non emergency police line.

As a university supervisor, I'd say take a step back from these "friends" who are stressing you out. I really like the saying "You can't pour from an empty cup" - it's so true.
You are probably also not doing them any favours, they need to learn to deal with their own problems at some point. As a supervisor, we're told that our role isn't to fix all the student problems, it's to "signpost" to other providers, like student services, counselling etc. - you could try this?

I’m a 26 year old FT mature student (third year) who works full time

How does that work then?
Do both your course and your job allow a great deal of flexibility?

100% do it! I've often been tempted to book a hotel with a spa just for myself but with 2 kids that nobody would look after it's not an option xx

Stop doing things for these 'child' adults, who are stressing you out, is the answer to your problem. Let them take their problems to the university team, who are paid to help them.

Different things work for different people but it's well documented that exercise is great for mental health.

I know when I don't exercise I do feel rubbish. It could really help you.

For some people putting a physical distance between themselves and the stress they are under can help them see things a little more clearly and feel more able to start tackling them.

Your only responsibility right now at uni is to yourself. You are not there to help other students tackle their difficulties. There’s no doubt an in-house support system that will help them. You are not obligated in any way to be a listening ear/a tower of strength/a wise woman etc.

I think an assertiveness course could help you to feel better about saying no more. You have either put yourself or been put into a position of ‘support’ at an earlier time in your life. This is not something you have to carry on fulfilling.

It’s absolutely ok to put yourself first but you may need some help in learning how to do that without feeling guilty or that you are failing those around you.

So yep, go away but try hard to tell yourself this is something that you are doing for yourself and make a promise to yourself that you will work on changing your strategies regarding your status as ‘the one people go to with all problems ‘.

No advice OP, but I feel the same. Unfortunately, circumstances mean I can't go anywhere and i'd probably end up not returning.

Hope it improves for you!

Although, I must say, I wouldn't go to a theme park - they frighten the life out of me!

If you like theme park rides then do it! Look up vestibular input - rides are really good for stimulating positive brain activity.

"get on a train to go to a theme park and stay in a hotel overnight and bloody well enjoy myself for once? "

I did the equivalent, once at your age, and once again with my fiancee when our parents were arguing with each other about our wedding.

I also ran away to Russia but there was a coup so I got stuck in a forest hiding out for a few days. It did wonders for me. Do it (the train, Russia, whatever works for you)

Do whatever you need to get centred again.

It’s not how I was raised and if someone is struggling I’m going to help them if they ask me.

You seem to identify with this, yet it is the root cause of your stress. Until you let go of this image of yourself and learn how to say no, you will find yourself back in the same place.

You must help yourself first and foremost, before you can help others. It is like in a depressurised cabin, you have to put your gas mask on first before assisting others. I hope you are able to access some therapy.

Hey there, I too am a mature student in my final year. I get you in the just need time out so go ahead and do it. However, I know from experience as I am a single parent with 2 kids and so many issues is that you need to understand that this is your time. Your time for studying, this means that you need to distance yourself from anything that’s going to hinder it.

Take time out but plan ahead now for how you’ll manage in the next week or weeks. You can make an appointment with any GP to get help so you don’t have to be with a practice. Contact student services for the counselling. But first and foremost you have to look after yourself, you are paying a lot of money to do this degree. All those you are helping won’t be around if you buckle and drop out.

I actually have taken the big leap of saying no to anything and everyone, I’m almost at the end you are almost at the end of your first year think about it in a few months you’ll have finished your first year at uni and you should be proud of it. Btw it doesn’t matter how old you are your first year at uni is bloody hard.

But please look after yourself first, I know it’s hard but you need to so you can move on.

MrDarcyWillBeMine - you should be deeply ashamed of yourself for your thoughtless and crass post.

@OP - if you want to get away for a few days, go for it. Why not? But when you come back you really need to speak to your student welfare team in conjunction with a visit to your GP. Mental health is a BIG focus with universities now and there will be help there for you. It could be practical, in that they can move your accommodation so you're in with post-grads (who'll be closer to you in age) or counselling to help you with some coping strategies.

You absolutely don't have to carry others, it's perfectly alright to say "I'm sorry, I can't." You need to put yourself first

You can't run away from your problems, they will follow you. You need structure in your life, perhaps a regular part time job that doesn't over tax you? Are you getting CBT ?

Perhaps you could politely but firmly tell those who are draining you to stop.