To say fuck it all and get on a train

[LearningMySelfWorth]

I'm struggling at the moment with my mental health and I cannot cope anymore with the relationships I have with the people around me. AIBU to tell them that I'm gonna take some time for myself and then get on a train to go to a theme park and stay in a hotel overnight and bloody well enjoy myself for once? I know it won't fix the issue but if I don't get away I'm going to break.

You’d have been ok, maybe arrested lol. Jk they would have put you through, my error, it’s too late to be awake!

Very true @Justagirl, I may go have a shower then

I think you should try and see a GP OP.

Incidentally, just in case you are looking to disappear for a few days, UK theme parks will mostly be closed this time of year. Unless you were thinking of getting a Eurostar.

I hope things improve for you soon.

@Doyoumind tbh from where I am it would only take me a couple of hours to get to Paris. I will see my GP, it's hard but I'm coming to realise what I see as normal in mental health is in actual fact genetic mental illness that just seems normal because it's so prevalent in my family.

Christ! I can't think of anything worse than being in the middle of a MH crisis surrounded by screaming happy crowds. (your theme park suggestion)

Personally I'd head to the coast and get some miles done stomping up and down the beach. Physical exhaustion combined with good nutritious food (not 3 packets of hobnobs and a dusty kit-kat found at the bottom of your handbag!) and a novel or 6.

It'll be deserted. OP will be wandering round in the freezing cold on her own. Good idea to get away though.

You’re not that much older than the others, I’m guessing that it’s your willingness to play Rescuer rather than being three years older that’s the reason here.

when they come to me crying or panicked for whatever reason I can't turn them away

What do you do? You don’t need to rescue them or fix things.

If you find yourself just listening that can be draining- there’s a reason counsellors have supervision! Putting your own needs first is important. Also, have you just had exams?

I remember that feeling from being at Uni and I wasn't even a 'mature' student!
When I need the headspace, either from work or from people - the Lake District comes up trumps for me every single time. Nothing as refreshing and restorative as time out in nature. Failing that, a trip to the Coast.

You need to seek help and also take a break if you need one.

(((((((Madd Soft Hugs))))) @LearningMySelfWorth🌺🌼🌸

@ZigZagZombie, the speed and ferocity of the rollercoasters will blow the bad thoughts away if only for a moment , the still and calm to be left alone with my thoughts sound like hell.

@Pickled0nion, it's the role that I naturally fill. I've been doing it since I was 11. It's not one I enjoy particularly but I suppose it's just ingrained in me that I have a duty to support those around me when they need it. After a family tragedy my immediate family went to hell, they needed someone with their wits about them to keep things moving. I could cope, they couldn't. And yup just had exams and now revising and working on assignments due this term and exams in summer, because it never fucking ends.

@jasmine1971, I love nature when I'm calm. When I'm stressed and alone in nature theres nothing to distract me and I start spiralling and suddenly I'm alone in nature with poor signal having a crisis/panic attack. When I'm spiralling I NEED to be alone in a crowd, I NEED a way to get the anxiety and nervous energy out. So rollercoasters, they go fast boost adrenaline and serotonin levels rise and I can scream my frustrations away without looking like I'm actually going insane. Plus I'm less likely to do something stupid in a crowd.

Yes go away and have some fun!!!

But when you come back things need to change for the sake of your mental health. Can you try to come up with some lines to say when others ask you for help. I use “well what do you think!?” On my kids to make them come up with a solution.

Can you find an assertiveness course? Or a counsellor who can help you learn to say no and get out of that rescuer role.

I’d also make it a practice to make sure you do something nice for yourself each and every day. Make a list of things that make you happy. Then do one of them each day.

Have a great time away

I’m not sure theme parks are open at this time of year are they?

Definitely do what makes you happy

@Rainbowqueeen, hadn’t thought of an assertiveness course. But despite the fact I can be a bolshy cow I probably need one. I think I use my large I can do anything and I don’t need help personality to mask the fact that I am not ok and drowning in my own problems. I am working on fixing this. I’ve spent sometime looking at mindfulness and I’ve a list of reasons why I’m blessed on a small whiteboard in my room which can be helpful to look at although it’s nice and generic so my housemates don’t know what goes on in my head.

@Flashinggreen, not a clue. Usually when I go to a theme park it’s abroad but I need to do more of what makes me happy.

I’ve just taken up archery last week, I enjoy horse riding but can’t reallg afford it at the moment. I’m getting back into weightlifting and mild resistance training. I think I’m going to start doing the couch to 5K. I’m quite good with endurance so I think it’ll help. If nothing else it’ll get me outside more.

I’m heavily into self care at the moment, not that I always listen to myself!

In an effort to do more self care I bought myself a lot of lovely stuff from list to use it doesn’t help much but it makes showering and taking care of myself so much more relaxing and indulgent which I need sometimes. Although my first point of self care should be remembering to drink water.

Go for it! Escaping just for a couple of days can reset us, it can make situations seem manageable again. Struggling with your mental health isn't easy but be assured many people are similar - dd decided not to move away to university because she didn't want to deal with living with other people, even now she's fed up with their trivial problems.

Jump on the Eurostar and visit Micky, have an amazing time escaping from this boring real world and come back afresh - I'm fancying doing it myself now [off to google prices for Disney trips]

Speaking from personal experience running off and doing your own thing makes you feel more shit. Because you can’t escape yourself and you will be the only one in the hotel room, on the rides etc.

You need to find fun things to do with non needy people. I’m sure there are other older first years you could meet. You don’t need to be doing anything for the first years otherwise they won’t learn.

Speaking from personal experience running off and doing your own thing makes you feel more shit. Because you can’t escape yourself and you will be the only one in the hotel room, on the rides etc

With respect, that is only your experience and not fact. If the OP is feeling overwhelmed by the people around her then it's quite likely that spending a few days on her own is exactly what she needs to 'recalibrate' and then, I totally agree, she needs to find some non needy people to be with!

Learning I'm in my 40s but I've always taken time - from a day to a weekend - away from 'life' for myself whenever I've needed to.

I was also a mature student (26) when I was at university and I know exactly what you mean! I found a couple of mature students and non needy younger students to hang round with and kept away from the 'needy' people - you need firmer boundaries where they are concerned - you're not there mum or their older sibling and you're not there to help them with their work or life stuff. Some of them will have been used to their parents doing everything for them; they will take advantage if you let them.

I wouldn't go to a theme park for the weekend but then I've always hated them! But there is something quite comforting and reassuring about being surrounded by people enjoying themselves and not having to be part of any of it!

The restorative nature of the quiet headspace and time away from it all means that, when you return, you'll be better placed to take on other people's advice about making longer term changes.

I'm going away next weekend for a 'self care' weekend - I've booked myself into an inexpensive hotel and I'm just going to spend the weekend relaxing, reading, eating, drinking, walking, watching and being 'mindful'. I can't wait!

argh!! Not their mum. FFS...

Also a lot of women associate 'self care' with 'pampering' and beauty treatments etc. but there are other things you can do that are 'grounding' and will help that don't involve expensive 'stuff' and will enrich your soul rather than just making you feel like you look better x

Oh god! I’m sorry but I read your thread and rolled my eyes!

I’m a 26 year old FT mature student (third year) who works full time, runs a house and cares for an elderly relative!

You sound like you have the least possible amount of stress (first year is a walk in the park) and are just completely unable to cope with it! So you’re blaming the younger kids around you! 🤔 I wonder why I don’t struggle having to be everyone’s ‘mum’- the other mature students I know who do suffer with this have a bit of a ‘I’m better than you at X because I’m X years older’ and frankly I think that’s their own fault!

I’ve suffered with an eating disorder and crippling anxiety, years ago when I dropped from a 22 to an 18 I certainly didn’t consider it a ‘problem’- I’m now a consistent size 10 and despite all of the stress I carry around I don’t blame my own mental health issues on the things around me ‘being too much’

It sounds like you have some issues you need to sort out OP but stop assigning them to the people/situation around you.

It’s one that lots of people deal with everyday just fine!

I don’t usually go in for pampering but I never take extra time to pamper myself because I’m always an afterthought. So I figured I’m going to do something that makes me enjoy/look forward to caring for myself and make me want to shower even when I don’t want to get out bed or face the day. Usually getting the first foot on the floor is a good way to get on with things @WhatIsTheMeaningOfThis it’s more about making time for me and my needs, rather than my looks. But I’ve also started archery so hopefully that’ll help with giving me some me time and enabling me to meet none needy people.

@anniehm, I have a long weekend coming up and the only thing that’s stopping me going alone right now is that my best friend from home will be devastated if I don’t at least invite her. Spending some time with her may be what I need.

@SheWoreBlueVelvet, I’m not trying to escape myself, I’m trying to find myself. I need time to be on my own and enjoy myself and decide what I need and how to do that. I can’t do that when I’m constantly being bombarded by flat mates friends and family who all need or want something from me.

@WhatIsTheMeaningOfThis, yes I couldn’t have worded it better myself. I want to be surrounded by people who are just getting on and enjoying life and who don’t need me. It confuses the life out of my mother and other friends and family that I have history crippling social anxiety yet love being in central London. Sometimes I need the buzz of my surroundings to be truly alone and happy.

@MrDarcyWillBeMine, that’s nice but you have no idea what I’m going through on a day to day basis with personal disabilities and illnesses and family difficulties. Your life sounds difficult yes but that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling it’s not a competition. I’m not prepared to put everything I’m dealing with on the internet.

Yes 1st year is easier than 3rd, there’s no denying that, but considering what I’m dealing with excluding uni work and housemates it feels like I’m going to suffocate. The work itself isn’t an issue, I’ve not scored lower than 82% on any of my coursework or exams so far.

I don’t seek out or have the attitude that I’m better at whatever because I’m older but when someone has asked me for help im not going to turn them away. It’s not how I was raised and if someone is struggling I’m going to help them if they ask me.

I consider the weight loss a problem because of how it was lost. Losing weight rapidly through stress and mental illness isn’t healthy. Two of my sisters have had eating disorders triggered in this way and I want to avoid that. I know I need to lose weight but I’ll do it in a healthy manner and not worry when it happens like this I think it’s justified.

I hope that your enjoying our degree and that your own mental health issues are at least healing now because it’s not pleasant to live with in the slightest.

Well aren't you a charmer, MrDarcy...

You certainly can't claim compassion amongst your many superior qualities...