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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say fuck it all and get on a train

110 replies

LearningMySelfWorth · 01/02/2019 01:42

I'm struggling at the moment with my mental health and I cannot cope anymore with the relationships I have with the people around me. AIBU to tell them that I'm gonna take some time for myself and then get on a train to go to a theme park and stay in a hotel overnight and bloody well enjoy myself for once? I know it won't fix the issue but if I don't get away I'm going to break.

OP posts:
WhatIsTheMeaningOfThis · 01/02/2019 08:47

Learning You don't need to explain yourself. Everyone else was able to read between the lines to see that all of that is exactly what the problem is.

Lovemusic33 · 01/02/2019 08:47

I often take myself away from everyone even if it’s just for a day, I have found it has really improved my mental health. I have a hobby which involves no one else and takes me on adventures to various places where I’m close to nature and away from life. Everyone should take themselves away from everything from time to time.

Original poster
LearningMySelfWorth · 01/02/2019 08:48

@WhatIsTheMeaningOfThis, thanks. I still think I should go to a theme park of some sort but the snows putting me off going outside. I don’t care for the cold 😂

OP posts:
supersop60 · 01/02/2019 08:49

I see nothing wrong in taking a break. Personally, I'd climb a big hill and take in a lovely view, or go and stand on a wild and windy coastal cliff. Sometimes, you just need something else to look at and think about, and come back refreshed.
So YANBU if that's what you really want.
If what you really NEED is professional help - then get some.
Flowers

Original poster
LearningMySelfWorth · 01/02/2019 08:50

@Lovemusic33, I totally agree with that. I enjoy my own company and just doing what I want when I want without answering to others or making sure that anyone else is ok first.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 01/02/2019 08:51

Learning I even switch my phone off for the day so no one from real life can contact me. It’s a great way to ground yourself and clear your head.

Original poster
LearningMySelfWorth · 01/02/2019 08:52

@supersop60, I’ll be contacting my uni mental health services when they open and if that fails contacting MIND. But I do think getting away in some form. Even if it’s getting 20mins away by train would help. Even if it’s just so I can see something different and work out exactly what I need and how to get it.

OP posts:
JamPasty · 01/02/2019 08:53

Take the break! At about you age and sick of work stress I fucked off to a youth hostel in the countryside for 2 nights. Not only was it just what I needed, but it was a lovely mini-holiday that I remember fondly many many years later. Take care of yourself!

Original poster
LearningMySelfWorth · 01/02/2019 08:53

@Lovemusic33, turning my phone off isn’t a great idea. My auntie and grandad are seriously ill and I need to be able to be reached at all times. I do often mute notifications (other than family phone numbers) though to get the same effect.

OP posts:
Original poster
LearningMySelfWorth · 01/02/2019 08:55

@JamPasty, think I’m going to, it’ll have to be next weekend though. I’ve mertings and other commitments this weekend I can’t back out of at short notice but if nothing else I’ll have something to look forward to for next.

OP posts:
WhatIsTheMeaningOfThis · 01/02/2019 08:56

Learning If a theme park is what you need to do, then do it!

Just a change of scenery can help so much. I personally love the cold and spent a recent weekend getting blown around the Wild Atlantic Way in Ireland. I can't tell you how much better I felt when I came home!

It doesn't really matter what you do, what matters is that you give yourself the headspace to 'recalibrate' and restore and then you can look at changes you can make. When you're in the middle of it, it can be difficult to see the wood for the trees. It's easy to find yourself fulfilling a role you hadn't planned to - especially if you are someone who feels the need to help and support others. But you need to look after yourself first and that does involve turning away people who are struggling and upset sometimes.

Take care x

WhatIsTheMeaningOfThis · 01/02/2019 08:59

Oh can also second 'fucking off to a youth hostel in the countryside' - excellent for the soul!

I find surrounding myself with nature to be hugely beneficial!

Original poster
LearningMySelfWorth · 01/02/2019 09:00

@WhatIsTheMeaningOfThis, thanks I’m going to do it. I’m going to have to start turning people away when I can’t mentally deal with their problems because my own are just as valid. I forget that sometimes.

Thank you all for the support and advice I needed to hear and and know that I’m not going insane and justified in wanting to escape.

OP posts:
allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 01/02/2019 09:02

MrDarcy how about some compassion and sympathy for someone who is struggling? No need to be competitive about it

OP have you had counselling to help you process the family tragedy when you were a child? It sounds as though you had a lot of responsibility at a young age, and I can see that it's hard to shake off those learned behaviours

However, if you feel guilty about not helping the students around you, remember that you need to be strong yourself before you can help others. Remembering this may make it a little easier for you to take a step back

Original poster
LearningMySelfWorth · 01/02/2019 09:06

I’ve seen several counsellors, therapists and psychologists. Never had the same one for more than a couple of sessions so I didn’t engage particularly well with them. I have previously been on fluoxetine but that caused horrible side effects and health issues so I stopped taking it.

OP posts:
Yabbers · 01/02/2019 09:09

Is there someone who will worry where you are? If so I’d consider letting someone know where you’re going.

Hope it helps you decompress.

Original poster
LearningMySelfWorth · 01/02/2019 09:13

@Yabbers, just my housemates. My mum would if I told her I was going away but if I don’t tell her she’d not know. I’d definitely tell my housemates at least. I think it’s important to always tell at least one person what your doing or where your going. Just in case.

OP posts:
pickingdaisies · 01/02/2019 09:16

Well Mrdarcy, good for you and your point is?
OP, c25k is great. There's a really supportive online forum on the NHS website for people doing it. But you may find a local group that you can sign up to, and that can be really helpful. Because you are less likely to give up if you've arranged to do runs with others. (They also seem to be people with a positive attitude, so won't drag you down).

cooldarkroom · 01/02/2019 09:17

Could you change your house share, move to another, or find a small place alone ? at least these peripheral youths wouldn't be sucking all that extra energy from you that you can't afford.

aintnothinbutagstring · 01/02/2019 09:22

I'd say, your 24 OP, a baby, whether you're depressed or not, if you wanna get away for the weekend, go right ahead! Read some books on detaching from OPP's (other people's problems)!

cleanhousewastedlife · 01/02/2019 09:28

I'm a uni lecturer and know all too well how over subscribed the counselling teams are at my uni. However, the Chaplaincy is usually accessible, because the students think (wrongly) they will be god- bothered. So if you're older and wiser and need a chat, don't discount your uni chaplains if you have them - lots are trained (ours is a trained grief counsellor) and also they have events which some of the younger students would find so uncool that you might get some peace! I say this all as an atheist but knowing a bit about universities. Also, I'd suggest you look at some of the social events for Masters or PhD students (coffee mornings etc) that you can gatecrash) for meeting new friends who won't expect you to look after them. Wishing you all the best.

ireallydunno · 01/02/2019 09:29

Op get your self on the waiting list for talking therapies. Ask your doctor for an alternative medicine. I'm on sertraline. Start a diary on how you feel. It will help organise your thoughts and feelings. Having a plan of action will make yourself feel 10 times better

Babdoc · 01/02/2019 09:30

OP, depending on where you live, there may be a 24/7 open access psych unit where you don’t need a referral, you can just turn up and be seen by the crisis team.
You seem to be carrying a heavy load of stress at present, but there are signs of underlying mental ill health as well.
I think you need a proper assessment and probably medication. There are many different types of antidepressants, and it should be possible to find one that has fewer side effects than the one you tried before.
Please seek proper psychiatric help, rather than trying to get to a (probably closed) theme park in thick snow. I’d be concerned about your well being if you were roaming around alone and depressed in sub zero temperatures. Best wishes, OP. I hope you find the help you need.
And remember you are allowed to say “No”, or back off, if the demands of others are overwhelming you!

Namechangedforthis79 · 01/02/2019 09:38

i could cope, they couldn't. And yup just had exams and now revising and working on assignments due this term and exams in summer, because it never fucking ends.

I hope this won't upset you but I think that you probably didn't cope with all that as well as you think you did because it's taught you that you must put everyone else's needs before yours. In an emergency on a plane you put your own mask on before anyone else but you're running around trying to help everyone else and youre the one in danger. You were very young and the way you describe it is like you were responsible for holding your family together. Whatever the situation was it wasn't your responsibility to do that and the adults around you should have protected you from it. You were a child. I imagine you're like me and you should ask for help but it's hard but everyone else has no problem in placing responsibility onto you. Now you've gone away to uni and your natural responses to try and fix people's problems and be there for them but nobody is there for you. It sounds like you're running on empty because everybody else has taken your emotional resources and left none for you.

It's absolutely fine to be selfish and to do whatever your body is telling you to do. If you want to go to a theme park and rides and rollercoasters then do it. Listen to yourself. You know that your body is telling you to do this for a reason and it won't solve the problems that are there when you come back but it might give you a fresh perspective and help you to be stronger in saying no to people.

If you find it difficult maybe practice saying out loud imagine someone is coming to you crying and wants emotional support from you point them towards the Samaritans or mind or whatever resources your uni offers and say that you cannot give them the support they looking for at the moment. Their mental health is not your responsibility. You don't always need to be the one to rescue other people.

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2019 09:39

What about joining some kind of martial arts class, you get them free at Uni, you can scream your lungs out..
Go swimming , as you can be alone and exercise, there is something about cutting through the water that makes you feel good.
There are lots of places where you can scream out loud, the trampoline parks, water parks, find something new you want to do...
Embrass the plus side of your weight loss...