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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or a greedy fat cow - bit long sorry

79 replies

Ellieboolou27 · 31/01/2019 22:05

I’m so angry right now, husband not fucking so darling at the moment has made a few digs over the last few months about how much weight I’ve put on. I know I’m big, the biggest I’ve ever been (size 18 and 14st). I’ve had weight issues all my life and was bulimic in my teens / 20’s. Been a steady 12/14 but since having my second dc I’ve got very big.

Now I’m finally getting on track, eating properly, exercise and trying to set an example to our kids 3 and 6yrs.
Husband, who always buys to excess comes home yesterday with 4 Easter eggs and 12 bars chocolate (4x multipack) and says they are for our kids! I said they don’t need all this and I being greedy and a chocoholic do NOT need the temptation in the house, so I gave them to a friend to look after, the eggs only as he wanted the chocolate for lunches.

Tonight he comes home and says “oh I see you’ve eaten all the eggs” I said no I’ve given them to x to look after to which he replied “yeah like fuck” then muttered under his breath I’m a fucking greedy fat cow.

I’ve just left him a note saying how shit he has made me feel as if he genuinely cared he would try and support my weight loss and not get Easter eggs months in advance. I’ve gone to bed feeling like I never want to eat again Sad chance would be a fine thing

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 31/01/2019 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotHereForThis · 31/01/2019 22:08

He’s a foul pig, Op. there is no excuse for him to be such a nasty little shit. I really hope he’s about to come up with a grovelling apology.

Aaaahfuck · 31/01/2019 22:08

That's awful. How is he normally with you? Does he say stuff like that often?

Goodynuf · 31/01/2019 22:08

What a twat bag. Silent treatment for a week justified!!! On the serious side, time for a kitchen table intervention between the two of you before the relationship breaks down more?

LagunaBubbles · 31/01/2019 22:08

Him buying the eggs is the least of your problems, I would not be in a relationship with some who called me a greedy fat cow.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/01/2019 22:09

Please don’t be unkind about yourself.

He’s a twat for buying Easter stuff in fucking January. He’s a twat for trying to sabotage you improving your health by eating more healthily. He’s a massive twat using such nasty abusive language towards you. You deserve better. Good for you for telling him how his cruelty has hurt you.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 31/01/2019 22:10

Why is he trying to sabotage you? It doesn't seem the act of a supportive partner.

Floralhousecoat · 31/01/2019 22:10

Aww op. He was being extremely unkind. Hopefully he will apologise tomorrow.

Ignore him. You deserve to be treated with love and respect regardless of how much you weigh. Love and respect yourself and tell him his attitude is unacceptable and you never want to hear this sort of comment.

Sending you hugs and strength xx

Magicpaintbrush · 31/01/2019 22:10

How dare he speak to you like that? He sounds like a horrible, disrespectful arsehole. My DH would never dream of calling me names like that. And it's horrible being accused of doing something that you haven't even done. It doesn't sound like he has any respect for you and that is worrying to be honest.

Original poster
Ellieboolou27 · 31/01/2019 22:15

We’ve been together forever and his said a few nasty things like this in the past, not always weight related but I give it back, I’m no mouse.

But, this has really hurt me, it’s like bringing home a bottle of booze to someone who’s trying to quit.

He must’ve read the note but his still downstairs. I’m 40 odd years old but his madee feel like a bloody school girl.

OP posts:
BettyWoo · 31/01/2019 22:15

He should be ashamed of himself for being so cruel and you can't let it go, he has to know how hurtful that is. And if he says anything like that again, knowing how it's going to affect you, have a think about whether this man is the one who you want showing your children how to treat a partner. You deserve much, much better OP!

Original poster
Ellieboolou27 · 31/01/2019 22:18

Thanks all for making me feel better, I’m not a sensitive woman in general but weight has always been an issue for me,
oddsocks exactly! That’s what friend said so she offered to mind them for me as she knows I’m terrible with chocolate

OP posts:
John4703 · 31/01/2019 22:19

husband not fucking so darling at the moment has made a few digs over the last few months about how much weight I’ve put on. I know I’m big, the biggest I’ve ever been (size 18 and 14st).
He is your husband, his place is to love you and support you. If you are happy to be size 18 he should love all of you, if you want to lose weight and get to a smaller size he should support you. That is what love is all about, loving and supporting and helping.
I can't see that anywhere in my marriage vows when I promised to be a critical bastard who undermines my wife when she is a little overweight and that I promised to bring chocolate to make her feel hungry. I'll ask the minister who married us if he missed that bit.

MadeForThis · 31/01/2019 22:19

Does he want you to lose weight?

He might feel threatened by the idea of you taking control of your weight loss.
And he would lose the big stick he uses to attack you.

No one brings home that much chocolate when their partner is trying to lose weight. He has an agenda.

Original poster
Ellieboolou27 · 31/01/2019 22:20

That’s the thing betty being this big makes me feel worthless as it is, and he should be the one to support not mock.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 31/01/2019 22:23

Is he a secret feeder?

Original poster
Ellieboolou27 · 31/01/2019 22:23

I’m 10 years younger and despite never being a size 10, I have always looked after myself, after having my girls I let myself go a bit.

His gone and slept in spare room now! Good I’m still fuming

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellieboolou27 · 31/01/2019 22:25

My family always laugh at how much he buys, if I say get a loaf he gets one white, one brown, crumpets, potato cakes and breakfast muffins, I get overwhelmed with it all and eat it

OP posts:
LuckyLou7 · 31/01/2019 22:30

What an unpleasant man. Good luck with your weight loss regime. I'm in the same boat and if my DH called me a fat greedy cow, I'd curl up and die. He should be supporting you, not undermining you. Leave him to sleep in the spare room and hold your head high. You won't always be size 18. He will always be a twat.

Goodynuf · 31/01/2019 22:34

Your either a partnership or not. If he's not on your team he can leave.

AdoraBell · 31/01/2019 22:39

You are not a greedy fat cow. Good luck with your weight loss target, you will get there if you do it for yourself.

You could easily drop a good amount of weight tomorrow morning, it sounds like you are carrying a useless and toxic lump.

Baconmaker · 31/01/2019 22:40

I'm also wondering if he bought the eggs deliberately hoping you'd eat them so he could have a dig at you. Who buys so much chocolate for young kids way in advance of Easter?

Onandonandons · 31/01/2019 22:40

He's an arsehole. I have a similar back ground to you (former eating disorder now overweight). My dh listens to me when I'm fed up, supports me when I try and lose weight, doesn't judge me when I fail.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 31/01/2019 22:40

It’s odd to bring home Easter eggs at this time of year. Is there a proper reason ( special offer or is he testing you? Does he want you to fail?
I think it’s about more than your weight.

ItsMEhooray · 31/01/2019 22:42

He's tempting you and feeding you up on purpose and now that you're doing something about it he has to attack your self esteem verbally.