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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or a greedy fat cow - bit long sorry

79 replies

Ellieboolou27 · 31/01/2019 22:05

I’m so angry right now, husband not fucking so darling at the moment has made a few digs over the last few months about how much weight I’ve put on. I know I’m big, the biggest I’ve ever been (size 18 and 14st). I’ve had weight issues all my life and was bulimic in my teens / 20’s. Been a steady 12/14 but since having my second dc I’ve got very big.

Now I’m finally getting on track, eating properly, exercise and trying to set an example to our kids 3 and 6yrs.
Husband, who always buys to excess comes home yesterday with 4 Easter eggs and 12 bars chocolate (4x multipack) and says they are for our kids! I said they don’t need all this and I being greedy and a chocoholic do NOT need the temptation in the house, so I gave them to a friend to look after, the eggs only as he wanted the chocolate for lunches.

Tonight he comes home and says “oh I see you’ve eaten all the eggs” I said no I’ve given them to x to look after to which he replied “yeah like fuck” then muttered under his breath I’m a fucking greedy fat cow.

I’ve just left him a note saying how shit he has made me feel as if he genuinely cared he would try and support my weight loss and not get Easter eggs months in advance. I’ve gone to bed feeling like I never want to eat again Sad chance would be a fine thing

OP posts:
Magenta46 · 31/01/2019 23:30

I think there is more to this than meets the eye. It's obvious he's trying to sabotage your efforts to lose weight, but the question is why?
Is he resentful of you wanting to be slimmer, healthier and dare I say, more attractive? Is he jealous of other men looking at you or, is he actually unhappy in the marriage ( for whatever reason) and looking for ways to put the blame on you?

dadshere · 31/01/2019 23:31

Winterberriesonatree ,
I agree it is hard, but when DH put on weight, selfishly I no longer found him attractive. He drank, without thinking about his family. (for background his dad is HUGE). I put up with it for a little while and then spoke my mind.

showmeshoyu · 31/01/2019 23:33

It's obvious he's trying to sabotage your efforts to lose weight

Buying chocolate when children are in the picture is not obviously sabotaging anything. Occam's razor, simplest solution, he bought them for the children.

showmeshoyu · 31/01/2019 23:34

selfishly I no longer found him attractive
An autonomic response isn't selfish.

DocusDiplo · 31/01/2019 23:34

Your partner is being a prick. But also you cannot have all that food in your house to maintain a healthy weight long term - and your kids should not have access to it either. He sounds poisonous.

julensaor · 31/01/2019 23:37

Forget about the weight; the whole point of making a partnership with someone is that you have a person who you support, who supports you, through the good times and the bad; calling you a 'fucking greedy fat cow' should have him out out on the driveway with all his shite so quick he wouldn't even know what hit him. That is not someone who is on your side OP.

ReanimatedSGB · 31/01/2019 23:43

This man doesn't want you to lose weight. Either he enjoys being able to bully you for being 'greedy' or he prefers you fat because (in his mind) this means other men will not want to fuck you. There may also be an element of preferring you fat because that means you feel bad about yourself - if you lost weight and gained confidence, you would stand up to him rather than being hurt and upset and that would spoil his fun.

showmeshoyu · 31/01/2019 23:45

calling you a 'fucking greedy fat cow' should have him out out on the driveway with all his shite so quick he wouldn't even know what hit him

Amen... once you stop treating people with basic human dignity, it's over.

Winterberriesonatree · 31/01/2019 23:49

dadshere

Speaking your mind might help you, but it doesn't actually help a person with problems to change their habits. Eating too much is often an emotional issue. My DH lost his mother at the age of three, so it is not hard to work out why he might have suffered maternal deprivation at an early age. I didn't care what size he was, but cared deeply about him having a long term health condition which was reversible.

Having chocolate eggs around is really not helpful for OP. Having beer and sugary drinks, bread etc. in the house was not helpful for my DH, so we have all changed our habits to help him.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/02/2019 13:12

I hope you got an apology at the very least today OP.

MirriVan · 01/02/2019 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Liz38 · 01/02/2019 13:24

I have no weight or eating issues and if my DH did that to me I'd be in bits. You don't treat someone you love like that. I think you need to get past the immediate hurt and disappointment in how he's behaved and talk to him. Ask him why he behaves like that, explain (even though it's obvious) what the effect is on you and ask him to stop. Would he? If not, I'd be thinking hard about the future.

KarmaStar · 01/02/2019 13:24

Flowers for you,your not dh was really unkind and spiteful.
Easy to say,try not to allow his idiotic comments to hurt you and turn the emotion into determination to eat healthily and be as curvy or not as YOU want to be.
I have no idea why he purchased Easter eggs in January,whether he is trying to undermine you or is thoughtless,either way,he has no right to undermine your efforts.
Good luck,you're a strong person,you will come out on top.Star

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 01/02/2019 13:30

If dp ever dared say "fucking greedy fat cow "in any way shape or form to me (or anyone else in my hearing ) his bags would be packed and on the door step within the hour and he bloody well knows it

I understand the theory of the points about attraction but I do think relationships or long term relationships are about more

I've put on 5 stone since a stroke a year ago and I do recognise I look very very different but honestly if my partner did not still love me and want to be with me I'd feel I'd had a lucky escape...im trying to lose the weight and he knows it and I suspect it is useful he knows I am trying

However I could not be with someone so vapid as to rate physical appearance so highly...i would consider them somewhat unintelligent and think so much less of them...i presume those who feel that sitting down and negatively commenting on your partners appearance because you feel it affects you would also be ok for them to sit you down and explain that as you had shown a change and exhibited ignorance, vapid perspective of other human beings they had lost respect for your intellect ? Of course it's not their fault they can't help but not be attracted to someone who is less aware and intelligent ?

MulticolourMophead · 01/02/2019 13:45

dadshere OP is already trying to do something about her weight. So bringing the food into the house was a mean thing for her OH to do. It's unsupportive and there was no need to the chocolate eggs just yet, if they were for the DCs.

So no amount of "plain speaking" from you is needed, OP already wants to make the necessary changes, she just needs support.

OP, I think you may want to consider getting rid of your OH. I've been there and done that, as my ex was always negging me, on the one hand I'd get vile comments about my weight, and then when I'd try to do something about it, I get food bought into the house, treats, etc, and he'd make nasty comments about any exercise I did. Basically he enjoyed having someone around to be nasty to, even though you'd never get him to admit that, even to himself.

He's an ex now, my self esteem is rising, and surprise, surprise, I can lose weight because I'm addressing those final emotional issues and I don't have a twat trying to sabotage things. Slow, steady, but it's going.

Original poster
Ellieboolou27 · 01/02/2019 13:46

Update, so this morning I cane down to a note saying sarcastically, bet you and friend ate all the chocolate ha ha, I’m only kidding, love you see you tonight. He leaves for work at 6am and I was still in bed.

I’m going to have a talk with him tonight as after reading all the responses I feel I’m justified to be angry and hurt.
Thank you for all your kind, positive words of encouragement. By summer I will be looking and feeling like my old slimmer self.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellieboolou27 · 01/02/2019 13:47

These were what he brought home Shock

Or a greedy fat cow - bit long sorry
OP posts:
OopsInamechangedagain · 01/02/2019 13:53

"I'm only kidding" Angry

Fucking arsehole.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/02/2019 13:54

That is lots of chocolate, totally unfair but looks delicious.
By his response on the letter, he knows he was a dick and is trying to make light of It, have a long chat later.

OopsInamechangedagain · 01/02/2019 13:54

If he genuinely wanted to buy these things he could have hidden them somewhere without telling you. Blatant sabatage.

Original poster
Ellieboolou27 · 01/02/2019 13:59

Exactly Oopsi I get they were probably on offer but just bloody hide the things, out of site out of mind.
it’s bad enough seeing the things in the shop, let alone having them sitting there goading me on the table!

OP posts:
recklessruby · 01/02/2019 14:07

But he's still bringing it up and joking about it. Yes you need to have a serious talk that it's upsetting you.
And go for it. I m aiming to lose my last 9 pounds and be stunning for summer too! Smile

LadyVox · 01/02/2019 14:12

Honestly, it reads as if he’s trying to sabotage you! You say you’ve been together forever, could it be that now you’re losing weight he’s panicking at you potentially thinking you can do better and leaving? Sounds like he’s filling the house with chocolate in an attempt to derail your diet- his ‘I see you ate the eggs’ comment to me stinks off ‘...just like I knew you would’. I also wonder if he’s making nasty comments to try and lower your self esteem?

Could be way off base but something to think about maybe.

Fabaunt · 01/02/2019 14:16

I’d murder him where he stood if my DP spoke to me like that. Why would you want to look better when you feel like something he trod in? Whether you ate them or not, he had absolutely no business speaking to you in that manner and the fact he came home to check if the eggs were there or not seems like he was tempting you or goading you

Highonthehill · 01/02/2019 14:18

He is the greedy one buying that much chocolate.

It's only just been Christmas and I bet your kids had loads?

If he wanted to treat the kids he only needed to buy one pack of bars.

This volume is unnecessary tell him next time to bring back a bag of oranges and strawberries if he wants something sweet to eat.

Is your dh overweight?