Hosting always, never the guest!

[anmh]

I just wanted to say again HOW annoying it is to always be the one hosting and organizing meet ups/ play dates .
When I host I sometimes get the: “ must have you over” but then nothing. Happy to be fed and watered and mess up someone’s house but not reciprocate, I find it self absorbed and rude, AIBU?

also really dislike when people enthusiastically say let’s meet up every@&$&&& time you meet with them but when trying to arrange something they basically flake out. But surprise surprise when you run into them again, its the same enthusiastic “let’s meet up”. I’m pretty sure the last time this happened I stared in disbelief at the person and said nothing; no words came out!
So how do you end up getting your turn as guest and how do you reply to people who carry on about meeting up yet do nothing about it?

I will say too, most of our regular get together tend to be takeaway with the costs split. It's only when hosting a special occasion, new years or a birthday etc that the hosts would put a buffet or meal on.

hosting means providing the food, cooking something special, and doing all the work to put it on the table, and committing to all the clearing up after. I am happy to do this, but it would be nice to have a reciprocal invitation occasionally. A nice bottle of wine is lovely as is a bouquet, but a dinner for 8 to 12 people costs about £25 a head, minimum, and if you are always the host, it mounts up. If people don't reciprocate and push outside their cosy nest of anxiety, it all stops. I got peeved and stopped inviting the people who took the mick. We have a much smaller social circle as a result.

YANBU.

When I host, I do so primarily because I enjoy others' company. It's so much nicer having a catch up with friends or family in the home rather than a restaurant or pub.

However, hosting does take time and money. I don't expect a reciprocal invitation every single time I host, but I do feel annoyed when my invitations are never ever returned. I don't care if someone can't cook or if their house is not pristine - even an invite for coffee/wine/biscuits/nibbles is appreciated as sometimes I feel that it would be nice to have a break from hosting. After years of hosting I have cut back, and no longer invite them to my place. Sadly sometimes the friendships drift or other times we are just as happy to meet in a coffee-shop/restaurant or pub.

I have also noticed that certain cultures/countries have different attitudes to hosting too - so this can have lead to differences in expectations too.

We used to be in a couple of groups of 6-8 who regularly used to have dinner at each other's houses. Originally it was meant to be every 2-3 months which meant you only had to host once or twice a year, but then two of the couples seemed to be trying to make it more frequent, so one would host, then the next couple would host the next one just a few weeks later and start pressing for dates for the one after that!

I dislike both hosting and visiting. Unless it's one of a very few people. And on the whole, right now, I'd rather people came to me. Anxiety is so bad I struggle to leave the house at the mo. Come visit me 😂

I don't think I would bother Sniping.

I dislike hosting play dates because of the cleaning beforehand then again afterwards. Sticky fingers all over walls/cushions. Crumbs everywhere. The kids squabbling and throwing/bashing my kid's toys and not being able to tell them off because they're guests! Or the mum whose baby left little pools of sick all over my child's playroom (I don't think she noticed but it was grim stepping in it barefoot!)

Then the over staying when you want to get yours down for a nap.
The noise of several preschoolers in a confined space, when you can't escape as it's your home, is awful.

OP it may be because you have 3, they feel it's too much chaos/too noisy to have all yours at once?

They might live in a flat with grumpy neighbours who complain about noise, or a husband who works shifts or nights.

I work full time and can't face hosting weekend play dates any more. There's just no time to clean, prepare, clean afterwards. But I like going to other people's houses and always bring cake!

@OneStepSideways . That is exactly the point. It's hard work hosting. That is precisely why Everyone needs to take turns.
As you have pointed out, bringing a cake goes no where near a reciprocal effort contribution.

That is precisely why Everyone needs to take turns

Depends how invested you are in the friendship. And if you have the time/energy to spend on hosting. You can't force people to host you or invite yourself and your little ones to their house. But you can withdraw invitations to yours and see if they offer.

I rarely host these days, I'm just too tired from working full time, the weekends are my days to relax. If friends invite us to theirs for a Saturday play date we usually go, but only stay a couple of hours. Or we meet out somewhere child friendly.

I've always been the host, despite a tiny house, mental health issues, poverty, and all the other excuses given here. I enjoy it to a point, but not when it's taken for granted and I start to feel that people are using me for a free lunch and a dumping ground for their problems. Also can't stand it when people don't bother to control their children too. So since I've had my baby, ive severely pulled back from inviting certain people round. They are not pleased, but oh well