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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss London so much I want to cry

82 replies

Polarbearflavour · 31/01/2019 12:17

I used to live and work in London. I had a great job in the City, liked the company, the people and the work.

DH is military and we are living in a city I really don’t like and I have zero friends here. Transport is poor, it takes ages to get here from anywhere else etc.

I miss London so much I want to cry! Sad I’ve temped a bit down here and not working at the moment. There aren’t really any decent jobs here and when I have temped in offices I’ve found it...quite provincial and slow. That’s of no detriment to anybody who works there but it doesn’t suit me.

We are renting out our London flat at the moment. Would I be unreasonable to live and work there during the week and come home on weekends?

OP posts:
RoboticSealpup · 31/01/2019 12:18

Would I be unreasonable to live and work there during the week and come home on weekends?

Of course not, if you could make it work!

BikeRunSki · 31/01/2019 12:19

Weekend commuting works for a lot of people. Why not try it if you are so unhappy? Could you find a new job? Go you have children - that might confuse things a bit.

UsedtobeFeckless · 31/01/2019 12:20

Go for it! Life's too short to be miserable if you don't have to be ... ( l miss London too )

JosiahJames · 31/01/2019 12:22

How long have you been based out of London?
I do feel for you. I moved from a small city to London at 22, now at nearly 30 and having a job in the city of London I couldn't imagine moving out however would it be the same without your DH there? (If you do what you are suggesting?
Do you know how long he will be based at his new post? My very good friend from childhood married into the RAF and the max she has stayed anywhere is 3 years (I know that may seem a lifetime right now!) but could you try and view this move as temporary?
You have done well to keep the option open of going back to London and you may love it just as much without your DH whilst travelling back to see him at weekends but equally London may not feel the same without him?

Wandastartup · 31/01/2019 12:23

Could he not come home to London some weekends?

Bluelady · 31/01/2019 12:24

If it makes financial sense, go for it. It makes me really angry that military wives are expected to sublimate their careers. If it was your husband, you'd just be presented with a fait accomplis.

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 31/01/2019 12:26

We are most likely leaving this place at the end of the year. Hopefully moving to Portsmouth so more south-east based. If I could possibly find a job where I work a couple of days a week from home and commute 3 days, that would be ideal. Then we should be able to be based there for the majority of his career, only 12 years to go until the end of his career commission...

I saw some stuff from London on my Facebook feed and it made me really...homesick almost I guess.

OP posts:
DannyWallace · 31/01/2019 12:26

My DH is military too, I totally understand.
A lot of people go long distance, especially due to the non-military person having a good job/not wanting to move.
We were long distance for the first 4 years or so. Now I travel with DH and (luckily) he only has around 18months still in the forces. We love where we live now though and want to stay here and raise our family here xxx

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 31/01/2019 12:26

I’ve been away from London nearly 3 years! Sad

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 31/01/2019 12:31

Not at all U. I would never want to be a “trailling spouse”.

MissCharleyP · 31/01/2019 12:33

Are you me? Not military but redundancy 2 years ago meant a move back to my home town. It’s not all bad, own our home outright and I’ve joined a martial arts club that I really enjoy. But I have to drive miles to work (was unemployed for nearly a year apart from 8 weeks temp) and public transport isn’t great. I went to see a friend last weekend in London and, yes I could’ve cried at what I was missing. I’d live/work there in the week if I was you.

CallMeVito · 31/01/2019 12:33

Would I be unreasonable to live and work there during the week and come home on weekends?

unreasonable no, but really expensive yes!

I think the place matters a lot less than the people in the end. You should explore your area in term of hobbies and various activities - basically you need to meet people.

We are lucky we have internet so we are never completely cut off the world nowadays.

Any luck in temping? Have you join your local Facebook groups? I find them very useful for local info.

badlydrawnperson · 31/01/2019 12:45

YANBU at all. I can't stand London, but if it suits you, it suits you.

Bishalisha · 31/01/2019 12:48

Would I be unreasonable to live and work there during the week and come home on weekends?

Of course not. You matter too.

JarndyceVersusJarndyce · 31/01/2019 12:53

Portsmouth to London Waterloo 1 hour 30 mins, so definitely do able. Or move back to London and visit weekends.

Lonecatwithkitten · 31/01/2019 12:53

Are you having school fees as part of your trailing spouse package? If so you need to check whether this classifies you still a trailing spouse. If you are not having fees paid, could he live in the mess and come to London at the weekends as your costs maybe less than married quarters.

Fazackerley · 31/01/2019 12:54

I remember crying one day after I had moved a long way from London. It was raining, I was looking at bleak countryside and I remembered scurrying home from the tube in the rain, with the nice orange street lights looking all warm and friendly. I howled.

Couldn't live there now I am very used to country life but it took about 10 years to get over it.

mydogisthebest · 31/01/2019 12:55

I would go for it unless DH was really against it.

Me and DH were both born in London and lived there for over 40 years. We moved out 20 years ago and both still miss it like mad.

We can't afford to move back but go back at least once a month either just for a day or an overnight stay.

We do like where we live now but both wish we could move back to London. If we ever win the lottery we will

WitchesWeb · 31/01/2019 12:56

Neither me nor DH would ever go back, but each to their own.

juneau · 31/01/2019 12:58

No YANBU at all, but obviously it's something that you'll have to discuss with your DH. If you get a job that covers the cost of your living expenses and commuting though (and hopefully a bit more besides), then I don't see why he wouldn't agree, since you've had to follow him for his job and if you hadn't done that you'd be in London anyway. I'd get job hunting, if I were you.

WeaselsRising · 31/01/2019 13:12

If you don't like Bristol you will hate Portsmouth.

namechangedforanon · 31/01/2019 13:18

I would come back to London, as much as it frustrates me sometimes here I totally get what you mean!

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 31/01/2019 14:01

WeaselsRising - I’m not in Bristol (lived in Bristol and it’s not London but I quite like it!) I’m in the dreaded Plymouth. Sad

OP posts:
peachgreen · 31/01/2019 14:04

I totally understand OP. I moved from London to have a family and I miss it every day.

Can I make a suggestion? Don't move to Portsmouth - if you can afford it, move to Winchester. It's got a direct and fast train to Waterloo, and LOADS of commuters live there so it has a "mini London" feel. It's the only other place I've felt truly happy.

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 31/01/2019 14:07

No children at boarding school so that’s not a factor Smile

Thanks peachgreen - I’ll have a look at Winchester!

OP posts:
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