ClarabellaCTL Navy wives do have a life 'outside the wire', as you don't live on a Naval base and Naval families tend to own their own homes. as we can't go to sea with them, so we put down roots and stay in one place. The wife of one of dh's earliest COs was a doctor and out earned him; many are teachers, some do finance etc. My friendships haven't been forced on me as I had friends from work, as opposed to the other wives.
Military spouses have choices, they just don't tend to exercise them, because it can be too difficult to do so. I chose not to move to Brussels when dh was posted there, as ds was in a good school, I enjoyed my teaching career and we have our own home, so for the sake three years, I decided to follow my career and keep ds and I where we were happy.
When dh was offered another Brussels job, and we discussed weekending for another 4 years plus (except it was 6 weeking), I made a decision to move, not for his career, but for my family life and marriage. That is no different to people in civvy street making the same decisions.
Dealing with all of that in a place you don’t want to be, miles from your own friends and family – why should that just be accepted as the way it is? You don't have to be miles from your own family and friends though do you? You can choose to stay put and weekend the whole time. If you marry someone who you know will have to move, and let's face it, it's becoming more common to move for work in other careers now, then them's the breaks. It's no different to the Toyota wives whose husbands get posted to Japan or Brussels or wherever, or FCO wives. You work out what the parameters of being married to someone in the Forces will be, and then you decide if you can live with that. If it's predicated on who earns the most, then that career path will normally win out over the other persons.
I don't understand the 'dispersed families' bit. My parents (Dad was RN) were weekending when I was 13 in 1979. It's not a new thing, for the RN at least, and the 'Married Unaccompanied' category has been in use for decades, so it must have been a 'recognised living situation' for at least 30 years plus. It isn't new, so don't pretend that it is.
The lady I knew who was so unremittingly negative actually made an appearance in her dh's report as adversely affecting his career prospects. Not what the OP wants to achieve I imagine.
The OP didn't seem like she would melt by being given some advice. I was not belittling her concerns, but addressing them head on. I could have patted her on the head and said 'there, there', but what does that achieve?
I don't see why telling her to get a grip is bad advice. We have all spent time wallowing in self pity, or not liking the outcome of the choices we have willingly made. You can either reverse those decisions, or make the best of what you've got. I don't like being in Belgium particularly, but it has achieved certain aims for us, so it has served a purpose. I could go and snivel under the duvet all the time, but I have better things to do.
However you want to gussy it up, the Forces are not always family friendly, because they can't afford to be. If you want a spouse who is home every night at 1800 and is about every weekend, then don't fall for someone in the Forces, because it doesn't, and can't, work like that.
The Forces are haemorrhaging well trained personnel and are struggling to recruit because the lifestyle isn't 9-5; because the benefits aren't what they were; and because you can get better pay outside. Defence cuts haven't helped either, and the last round of redundancies made no sense in terms of who got chopped either.