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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss London so much I want to cry

82 replies

Polarbearflavour · 31/01/2019 12:17

I used to live and work in London. I had a great job in the City, liked the company, the people and the work.

DH is military and we are living in a city I really don’t like and I have zero friends here. Transport is poor, it takes ages to get here from anywhere else etc.

I miss London so much I want to cry! Sad I’ve temped a bit down here and not working at the moment. There aren’t really any decent jobs here and when I have temped in offices I’ve found it...quite provincial and slow. That’s of no detriment to anybody who works there but it doesn’t suit me.

We are renting out our London flat at the moment. Would I be unreasonable to live and work there during the week and come home on weekends?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 31/01/2019 14:12

It's still a bit... Shire-y, for wont of a better word, but there's a theatre and a good arts scene, and it's beautiful and historical but feels very connected to London (under an hour to Waterloo). I miss it!

LaurieFairyCake · 31/01/2019 14:18

Do it. I will never leave London, it's so bloody brilliant.

PopCakes · 31/01/2019 14:20

YADNBU. Why is it assumed your career and choice of location comes second to DH's. If he's in the military he might have to move again? YOu're better off in London.

TawnyPippit · 31/01/2019 14:21

Hmmm. Winchester is the reason I'm in (and love) London.

Also, its not exactly what you could call diverse...

Devendra · 31/01/2019 14:23

Yes Plymouth is definately more of a giant village than a city. I'm kind of fond of it though. I moved here 20 years ago with my ex marine husband. The city itself is pretty rubbish but I've made lots of friends and it's home now. Do you have much of a social life?

TadaTralala · 31/01/2019 14:28

Ah I get it. Worked in London for years, moved to Bournemouth.......lovely and all that, but man it was dull dull dull. Moved back to London and spent next 10 years living the City dream. totally get it.

SuziQ10 · 31/01/2019 14:32

You can't put your life on the shelf for DH's career. You enjoyed working and if the job you want is in London that's where you should be. And you can take it in turns to visit. My good friend is a military wife. She opened her own business in London and her partner is elsewhere, she can't leave the business and they make it work somehow with visits etc

WitchesWeb · 31/01/2019 14:35

Hmmm. Winchester is the reason I'm in (and love) London.

Also, its not exactly what you could call diverse

I agree about Winchester and diversity, or lack of.

christmaschristmaschristmas · 31/01/2019 14:36

Do it.

I love London with every inch of my being and will never ever leave !

CountessVonBoobs · 31/01/2019 14:40

I totally understand. I fucking love London, as does DH, and there's no way I could live in the sticks. DH spent his teen years miserable and isolated in the Home Counties and would rather eat his own toenails than move out.

Do it. You have a life and needs too. If it works for you financially, go back to the big smoke.

multiplemum3 · 31/01/2019 14:42

Just to say I live in portsmouth and love it here, hope things work out for you.

LovesHisMummyReally · 31/01/2019 14:45

Go for it. Long distance can sometimes be a good thing for a relationship, too. You make the most of the time you have together and are excited when you finally see each other after a long week apart (IME).

1ndig0 · 31/01/2019 14:48

Summer is coming OP. Try and think of this coming year as a long Cornish holiday - visit all the beaches etc - and then move to Portsmouth ASAP which is only an hour by train back to London.

TotHappy · 31/01/2019 14:52

Plymouth ain't Cornwall though... It's a shit hole.

BoomBoomsCousin · 31/01/2019 14:59

If your DH is moving around every few years surely it makes most sense to have your home be where ever you can forge a stable career (i.e. London, from the sounds of it) and have him work away and come home during time off?

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 31/01/2019 15:00

I have no social life here whatsoever. We occasionally go out to dinner with DH’s couple friends - also military. I really did try to be friends with the wives but they ignored my Facebook friend requests and coffee invites. Maybe they just don’t like me?! Blush

I went to a navy wives coffee morning twice. They were quite friendly and nice but they all have small children and the conversation just revolves around them.

I did a college course last year one evening a week. The other students were nice enough but not my type of people.

In London, my director would take the team out for drinks often. My boss would take me out to lunch. I was friends with other girls at work and had coffee and lunches with them. I had friends to go out with on a weekend. Here I only really have DH.

OP posts:
LadyandGent · 31/01/2019 15:03

London has a certain draw to it. I find it hard to live away too. If you could manage to work back in the city again and just go down on weekends, go for it!

Miljah · 31/01/2019 15:03

TawnyPippit Winchester must be among the most mono-cultured cities in Britain!

It's white, middle class and smug.

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 31/01/2019 15:04

I also love loving with DH and I don’t know if I could live for years only seeing each other on a weekend, not sure that’s any good for family life either.

I’m really beginning to resent the Royal Navy! All the weekend duties and overnights away and other assorted nonsense. I’m very fortunate in that his branch doesn’t really get sea drafts. I think there are a couple on the new aircraft carriers but he doesn’t have to do them.

OP posts:
bigKiteFlying · 31/01/2019 15:11

We thought we could live anywhere - had lived in several places always found something to like. Then we ended up in last place to this - and found we couldn't the relief when we left was huge.

We could never quite figure out what the issues was - the people weren't very friendly or forthcoming with information transport links got more difficult with time reduce services and increased prices and more of us to pay for but even so it shouldn't have felt that bad.

I wouldn't like to live in London - but as your clearly unhappy where you are I'd consider if you could get back there.

bigKiteFlying · 31/01/2019 15:12

I also love loving with DH and I don’t know if I could live for years only seeing each other on a weekend, not sure that’s any good for family life either.

We did it for just under 4 years - way longer than we intended. It is hard work but it was doable for us.

peachgreen · 31/01/2019 15:14

@WitchesWeb @TawnyPippit Oh God don't get me wrong, I also left Winchester for London and it doesn't compare - and yes it is extremely un-diverse! But it's better than Portsmouth imo.

HazelBite · 31/01/2019 15:15

I grew up in London and now live just over the Hertfordshire Greater London border, (20 minutes on a fast train in) its just about as far away as I can manage.

musicposy · 31/01/2019 15:17

I much prefer Portsmouth to Winchester. Ok, so it's not as "nice" but a lot of parts of it are buzzy, the shopping is way better, and there's loads goes on there. You're also near to lots of other interesting (and more upmarket) places, should you feel the lack of them. You'll be able to pop to London so much more easily than you can now.

In the meantime, I'd be tempted to go with your original suggestion of staying in London in the week, if you can afford it and can take the long commute.

Nameisthegame · 31/01/2019 15:22

I used to live in Plymouth it used to get me really down! I live next to the sewage works,incinerator and nuclear dockyard...yuck! The hoe is nice and the barbican but it’s pretty easy to do everything. Have you joined Plymouth gossip girls on FB?

Might be worth looking for work in Exeter? Tbh I moved to Spain so my only advice is to get out.