Completely lost my shit this morning

[pepperjack]

Just going out the door to defrost the car and Ds tells me it's games kit today. He's suitably apologetic.
One games kit is in the wash, wet, the other one who knows.
Finally find it in the car.
Telling him to hurry up, get his trainers, on, teeth brushed.
Get back in, he's on the toilet.
Back out with the dog, turn car around,
Get back in, he is sitting in the couch on Nintendo and watching the iPad.
Wtf.
I'm banning all screens in the house
I've told him it's for my sanity, he thinks I hate him

Cross post - well done... he might whinge for a while but he’ll get used to it!....and be keen to earn it back for the W/e, win/win!!

Each minute late means one day without screens. How's that?

If he isnt in the car by x time, then he looses half an hour of electronics time (whenever he is next allowed it) and every 1 min late beyond that is another 15 mins of electronics he looses. Then together write a list of everything he has to do, if its different each morning, write a lost for each morning. Stick the lists somewhere obvious for him. Then put all screens and controllers everynight before bed so they arent tempting him in the morning. Phones can go into the car to br used once he is in there. Then encourage but dont own the process.

and I have a real issue with my 11 year old going on screens when she knows she isn't allowed, so turning on the TV straight after school, if I am upstairs.

So the consequence is no screens at all for 24 hours. She has finally learnt that the consequence is not worth it, and stopped trying to turn them on. I just didn't se why I should have to remove the remote and turn eveyrthing off because she couldn't do as she was told, when I was in the house!

I used to be like this, but now I protect my own sanity;

Two teenage boys who lose their PE kit, forget to get food-tech ingredients... it happens

when they realise and panic, I pretend to be calm and just say "oh dear, that's a shame, you'll have to go without and deal with it at school", then I go back to drinking tea

Then they'd get into trouble at school, or borrow some else's stinky kit from the lost and found (see, they got resourceful) and they are now responsible for their own stuff to sort out.

DS has just left for school without his school jumper (one is lost, and the other one got muddy yesterday and he threw it in the laundry basket before going to bed...the laundry fairies had not had time to wash it, so he has gone to school without his jumper and will be told off. Tough)

My advice would be: stop making HIS problems YOUR problems

What is the worst that could happen? He might not be chosen for the next match, he might get a detention (or at least a kit mark), he may feel bad for letting the team down...that's all part of learning IMO

they have to experience this kind of shit

the reason I stopped shouting is that it just made ME feel stressed and rubbish, pretend to be calm and you won't feel so crap

I thought all boys were like this. DS1(aged 12) is an absolute disgrace in the morning, despite the fact that he has never been allowed to go on screens before school. DS2 (aged 5!) gets himself dressed, ready, breakfasted and shod and coated every morning with about half an hour to spare!

let him be late a few times that should do it.
I never had this because they either missed their bus or if they walked were responsible for themselves.
Far better than you crying.

Oh God I remember those days. My boys were a nightmare. If it wasn't PE kit, they'd remember they were doing Food Tech or whatever it's bloody called now and I'd have to call at the shop on the way to school for bloody vanilla pods or something else equally obscure that we didn't have in at home.

I'd hide all the screens away at night so he can't find them in the morning.

I banned all gaming from Sunday evening to Friday morning. My teenage DS was then allowed to game until his eyeballs bled on Friday nights and Saturdays. The sky did not fall in for him.

I found limiting screen time within any one day a waste of time - either he "forgot" or I forgot, and it just led to more stress.

Well they're hidden now

Nicely done!

Honestly at 11 he should be able to keep track of time. Why don't you do a morning when he has to get everything ready himself for a certain time. You can chivvy along from the couch. Own breakfast, own bags. Otherwise he will be a nightmare at secondary school

I had the exact same problem a couple of weeks ago, and turned into a horrible, shouty monster and possibly terrified my children. I felt awful for the rest of the day. We now get everything ready the night before. Uniform, bag, shoes, gloves, EVERYTHING. It saves a tiny bit of my sanity.

If it helps I lost my shit with ds14. He got up, without me calling him (yay), I go into his room and he says ‘my uniforms all by here’ so I mention clean trousers and shirt and he goes ‘oh yes but they need ironing.

So whilst I’m ironing I ask him to look for his hat and gloves. Tells me I had them last. I said i didn’t he did. No he swears I have them. I know he had them!

Give him his uniform and I start hunting for them in amongst all the crap in his room which he was asked to tidy yesterday. I find his gloves. I ask him to look for his hat. I’m looking elsewhere for a different hat, when he comes in holding his coat. His coat he told me he couldn’t find so we assumed lost and have just spent £80 on a new one.

I was the bad, shouting mum, I swore I’d never be when he was a cute cuddly newborn.

I did tell him I loved him and have a good day as he was leaving.

"Well they're hidden now"

@pepperjack - I'd suggest they stay hidden until he demonstrates he can be more organised in the mornings.

So - when he can sort out his bag, get his PE kit ready if necessary, and be showered, teeth brushed and dressed, ready to go out of the door at the right time - and when he can do this for more than one day consecutively, he can get his screens back - BUT the first sign of them coming out in the morning before school, and away they go, for a week!

Tell him that, whilst the Junior school don't make a big deal out of lateness and forgotten stuff, he will be in the Senior School in September, and if he hasn't learned good habits by then, he will start amassing detentions - so it is in his best interests to learn crack this now.

I have three sons, and I wasn't as clued up about this as I should have been, so when ds1 started at senior school, he was forever forgetting stuff - so he'd ring me and ask me to nip up to school with it, and hand it over at break time - which I did, at least twice. The last time I did it, I met him outside the school office, and the receptionist came out and told him that I was not allowed to be in school during the school day, so he couldn't go on asking me to bring in stuff he'd forgotten.

He left, crestfallen, and she turned to me and told me that, actually, I was allowed to come into the school if I had reason to be there - but that she was sure I had far better things to do with my time than run up and down to school with things my son had forgotten, so she was giving me the perfect excuse to refuse to do it any more!! He soon learned to be more organised.

Ds2 had some initial problems with organisation when he started at senior school too, but I took no nonsense this time - I made him unpack and repack his school bag, checking his timetable and his homework diary, in front of me, daily for a week or so, until he got the message.

I think part of the problem was that, at junior school, they kept their PE kit at school all term (it was lovely when it came home at the start of the holidays ), and everything else was in their book bags which were kept in the hall, so there wasn't much to organise - and neither they nor I realised how much they needed to learn the habits of organisation.

I will say that they are now all adults, and all seem capable of getting themselves organised without any input from me. Two of them are in paid employment - in fact, one is a teacher, so he is now the one giving school kids a hard time for forgetting their homework - talk about poacher turned gamekeeper!! So it does get better.

Haha! Sounds so familiar. We have a screen ban until after breakfast/teeth/everything is done - it inspires them to get moving! Then if they don't put the screens away at the time they need to put shoes on then they lose screen time later. Kits and stuff I do myself the night before to make sure they have everything but sometimes even putting shoes on can take an age with my youngest who loves talking non stop and cannot talk while putting shoes on for some reason!

I used to do stuff like this a lot.

Poor time management, too easily distracted and not really caring about lates, detentions and merits.

I was diagnosed with ADHD-PI (the new name for ADD) nearly a couple of years ago.

Same. We have the same with glasses, wallet, bus pass, jackets. He is 18. He had a day off college yesterday. I asked him if he could (while I was at work) bring his plates and cups, glasses and general stuff downstairs, put his clothes away (from his room and his bathroom), walk the dog... Explaining I have visitors arriving Friday, more on Saturday and hosting a Baby Shower (DO NOT get me started) on Sunday and I'm up against it, cause I am working from now til then. Asked him last night if he had done all that. "Yeah" was the answer. Went into his bathroom this morning, then to his bedroom. I seriously lost my shit too. NOTHING had been done. He was indignant, shrugged and said there was plenty time! After explaining there is no bloody time, I said quietly "you know, S** I really don't deserve to be treated like this". He replied "I know Mum. I am really sorry". He immediately got to work on the debris, had a shave (usually have to nag him to death) and generally astounded me with compliance . He has aspergers, so I cut him a bit of slack, but it is a fact, I have a man child

NutElla5X
"Does it get better?

I bloody hope so Ragwort because I'm afraid I'll end up having a fucking stroke with the angst and effort it takes to get my 18yr old up and out the door in time for college in the mornings!"

Why are you doing that for an adult child who is in college, NutElla? If they miss college then they'll have to deal with it, yes?

oh my word, I feel your pain. Dd1 has just turned 11 and honestly getting her out of the house in the morning is such a nightmare. I so often lose my temper because she seems totally deaf to phrases like 'go and get your shoes on' 'you need to be in the car'. We'll all be dressed and finishing breakfast and she'll be found walking round in just pants and socks reading the 'bumper book of jokes' or 'how to test your dog's IQ'. She's in for a hell of a shock when she starts secondary later this year.

SDTG that receptionist sounds awesome.

Because Tighnabruaich I seem to care more about his future than he does at the moment.

No punishment if they're late- still juniors.

Really?

One of my abiding memories is the stress of waiting for my DS to leave the house on time every morning catch his train to college. Any later than 8.18, and he'd miss it.

Sooo many times he'd leave at 8.17 - hurrah! - and I'd sigh with relief. And then I'd hear the door open again, and footsteps come back in the hall. I'd tense up. I'd hear some scrabbling about or feet on the stairs. I'd fight with myself not to get involved.

8.18 would tick onto the kitchen clock. I could feel my blood pressure rising. More footsteps. Slam of the front door. Tense silence. He'd gone to college. I was a mental wreck and yet nothing had happened.

If my primary school aged son is late he can't get into the school! The gates are locked until lunchtime... It's radical, but it works!
Ds1 is 11 and is great in the mornings... Ds2 has me tearing my hair out! He's such a daydreamer and is irresistibly attracted by all and any screens.
They are BANNED in the mornings in my house-its the only way we can get out of the door on time...

Not sure why we're all surprised that these kids are lazy/entitled /spoilt : we're enabling them to be! What more do you expect?