Is it normal to feel this tired ....

[highheelsandheadheldhigh]

Am I overdoing it or is it normal to feel this shattered.
Work 40/45 hours per week. Full on.
Commute 1-2 hours daily traffic dependent.
Exercise high intensity/endurance 6-7 times a week.
Currently in the throws of IVF.
Undergoing a stressful time with DSS.
I get up at 6am daily and I could cry...... god only knows how I'd cope with a child. I literally get to lunch time at work and feel completely shattered. I say dream about pulling a sickie. All I want to do when I get home is sleep, but I can't - life doesn't work that way, there is a house that needs cleaning, food to prepare - oh and spend quality time with DH! How do people cope, or I am just weak!

That sounds like a lot of high-intensity excercise.

Also, I have awful high- maintenance, adult step-children, and sometimes I am just exhausted with all the drama.

Do you need to exercise that much? It’s the IVF and the commute, combined with that much exercise - it just sounds like too much.
Your body is telling you it needs you to rest - listen to it! It’s telling you loud and clear that something has to give. That’s what I’d say...

I’d cut the exercise right down, simplify your meals so you’re not making anything complicated and make sure you’re getting enough sleep - read “why we sleep” by Matthew Walker .... stressful stuff can take a toll on us physically ... maybe with the stuff going on with the stepchildren you need to have some time where you’re just resting.

I’m surprised you haven’t keeled over tbh. You need to downsize. Could you exercise 5 days? Every other day?

I'm exhausted just reading your OP! It sounds to me like you've got far to much going on, long work hours, long commute, IVF, high intensity exercise every day of the week its not surprising your shattered, your body has no down time to recover from everything you're demanding of it. I think you need to give yourself a break before you have a breakdown.

I've asked the medical team a few times should I cut back my exercise and the answer was no. Your body is used to it. I get real pleasure from it and it a good focal point for all the emotion. Often seen having a cry 1km into parkrun, mixture of pace and endorphins. I can't slow down at work, it's a mans world and I don't want to be thought of as the girl who took lots of time out during IVF. So I guess all the lies and the secrecy take its toll too. DH is struggling with DSS, so I'm trying to carry as much of the day to day stuff. (Housework, cooking, meal prep) I know something's going to give, I just hope it's not me.

Sometimes, you have to pick one thing an then chuck it in the mental fuck it bucket...it can make all the difference that one small thought...

@Satonsofasad what type of thing can you chuck in the bucket ?! Never doing laundry again perhaps .... feel like I drown in the stuff!

I think you should cut down the exercise. High intensity exercise 6/7 times a week is crazy! You're not getting any chance to rest and recover. This time of year, when it's cold and dark, it's natural to feel more tired, your body's telling you to rest, so listen to it.

I would say it's far too much exercise. You can get un-used to it. As pp said your body in the evening is wanting to slow things down, especially in the winter, and you're doing the opposite. Something has got to give.

No, that isn't normal tired and it doesn't sound only physical, i would guess at mental exhaustion too.

People can cope with short periods of stress and pressure, but does yours have an end point? Or is this your life for the foreseeable?

Assuming you agree that this isn't sustainable what would you like to change/drop to make it work?

We can all make suggestions but you have to want to, you have to see that this isn't sustainable and decide what isn't worth your time/effort etc

More practically:

• could you work from home occasionally to cut back on commute time
• do you enjoy your full on and pressured job? Time for a career change?
• could you go part time?
• less HIT, perhaps switch out for something more relaxing like yoga?
• get a cleaner?
• online shopping?
• have someone do your ironing?
• simple meals and meal planning?
• one night a week where you are in bed by 9pm, no excuses?

If you don’t choose something soon to give, your body will choose something for you. Simple as that.

Of course you don’t have to cut down on your exercise but it’s this along with the high pressures of your job along with IVF and worrying over your DH and DSS that is making you feel like this.
Logically, exercise is the only real thing you can cut down on. 5 days a week exercise is more than enough

Could you afford a cleaner to take on some of the housework to give you more time to yourself?

It's high summer for me so no excuse of dark nights/mornings but the heat might be exhausting.
IVF, on the hamster wheel now so can't really get off. Waiting for transfer next month, if that fails back to stims.
Commute, can't/won't move house so need to find a way to make that work that's not spending time on Mumsnet
DSS, I try to distance myself as much as I can, but get so frustrated by the situation. His mother is a difficult woman, with lots of issues. So once one gets resolved another will crop up.
Work, like earning the money and enjoy my job.
Exercise, Sunday is rest day. I like how it makes me feel and ultimately how it makes me look.
Housework, I think DH could do more. But I'm over fighting him on it. Tempted to get a cleaner, but then I think I'd begrudge spending the money and would prefer to spend it on myself and ivf
I think that maybe this is just my lot in life and I need to find better ways to manage it!

At that rate you'll eventually wear yourself down. Something has to change. Exercise is great but do you really need to do that much?

By getting a cleaner, you would in effect be spending the money on yourself - you'd be buying precious time for yourself to mentally and physically unwind.

You sound like you are nearly at breaking point which cannot be a healthy place to be in when going through IVF.

Could you maybe change some of your exercise to something a bit gentler but still good for you like Pilates or yoga - something that forces you to slow down and be mindful for a while? I know that running etc is great for the mind and body but sometimes you need to do something a bit slower too. If the IVF works then you will ultimately need to slow down anyway.

Wow OP! Are you me?? (except for the IVF!)
I too work long hours, full on. And I exercise very much nearly every day high intensity. It makes me feel energised, helps me to clear my head and I disagree with people that are minimising the positive effects of it.

Yes, you absolutely need to cut back on something, but if I were you, it wouldn't be exercise.

I get exhausted BUT I am also studying a lot and work is particularly stressful. The exercise actually helps me cope a lot better.

Do you work in construction by any chance?

I am in a similar position, if doing IVF you are taking lots of hormones and drugs that will affect you- fatigue being a side affect.

With regards work if a ‘Mans world’ you might be surprised how understanding those worlds can be with IVF etc.

I work in a ‘Mans world’ had nothing but support!

With the best will in the world no-one can do it all, indefinitely, without a break. I'd second (or third) getting a cleaner - even if you see it as a short term measure to save your sanity & your relationship, while you go through IVF & all the other stress. Also see what else you could streamline - bulk cook for the freezer, online shopping.. that type of thing. You are not weak, you have a lot on your plate. Do what you can & outsource as much as you can afford.

If you're knackered I don't see why you're doing high intensity exercise seven times a week when that time could be spent recharging your batteries /resting and relaxing. You'll burn yourself out if you carry on.

Get a cleaner. Your health and well being is worth paying a cleaner for.
You need enough spare time in your life to fit a baby in. What would give? Can you cut back on it now.
IVF is very stressful, particularly if you are someone who likes to be in control.
Just be sure you aren't overcompensating for a lack of control in one area of your life by over doing in the other areas of your life.

Something will give eventually. And it'll be you.
Can you drop a half day at work and one exercise session a week?