Is it normal to feel this tired ....

[highheelsandheadheldhigh]

Am I overdoing it or is it normal to feel this shattered.
Work 40/45 hours per week. Full on.
Commute 1-2 hours daily traffic dependent.
Exercise high intensity/endurance 6-7 times a week.
Currently in the throws of IVF.
Undergoing a stressful time with DSS.
I get up at 6am daily and I could cry...... god only knows how I'd cope with a child. I literally get to lunch time at work and feel completely shattered. I say dream about pulling a sickie. All I want to do when I get home is sleep, but I can't - life doesn't work that way, there is a house that needs cleaning, food to prepare - oh and spend quality time with DH! How do people cope, or I am just weak!

I also speak from my own experience when my career was everything. Now I look back and say what a waste.Even my dh says he wishes he could just pack it all in and move abroad. You have to stop to see clearly. Obviously you can’t just walk out of your job but you can make smaller changes.
I hope you listen to pp on here op there’s a lot of sound advice.

I felt that I’d made it so far in my career it’s all I had. Indeed when I walked out one day having had enough it took me months and months to stop crying about what a failure I was, how I had no friends and nothing left, I realise now the reason I had no life outside of work is because I worked too long hours to have a life!

Now I haven’t worked much at all in the last two years and my life infinitely better. And I also realise how much money went on work clothes and gym fees and other work related stuff that I could actually get by without my income (with dh of course who I always offer to go pt and I go pt but he’s still in his work bubble). I hope you get a break soon. Perhaps your work might offer you a sabbatical. Don’t forget if you’re planning to stay in the company signing off two weeks with stress isn’t such a bad idea just to recuperate as well.

Something's got to give. What are your work plans if you do have a child?

I've just had an extended break, which was reduced exercise, good food and lots of down time. But even during than I was exhausted, even when all I was doing was a quick 5km then a day in the sun drinking beer. I was naive to think that maybe that would help and we'd fall pregnant naturally. It didn't work and we're back on the IVF train. Before that I went to see my GP, about something non related and I just broke down. He signed me off, I made a lame excuse to my boss via text then showed up the next day and ignored the medical advice.
I feel like such a failure on a daily basis that the thought of failing in other areas of my life is just heartbreaking.

Just read your last post OP, so you're trying to cover all angles? As pp said you're unlikely to conceive at the rate you're going, but possible of course. My advice is to calm your thoughts down, if nothing else. All sounds very frantic. At the same time have a sensible chat with yourself about it all. Not sure of your age. Also with the trying to cover all angles - that's easier if you haven't children, but if your tendency is to do this, having children is going to throw all that out the window. Unexpected things happen. Surely it'll be near high impossible if you want to have a child AND carry on doing what you're doing. Hope things improve for you OP.

Not last post the one before that!

I'd listen to your body, take a week off activities see how you feel. Maybe swap a few days for something else, local walk, yoga ect

Work wise plans are balance with a nanny and DH he works from home so can be flex to drop off etc.
I'm 38 for whoever asked that recently, so no spring chicken ......

But to be honest, try not too think too far in advance as that seems to tempt fate tbh

Honestly OP you aren't eating masses, it's healthy but you say your hungry. You don't eat enough carbs, your always exercising, working a lot. That takes it's toll on your body.

What was the point of this post if you won't change anything about your lifestyle? Because nothing will change if you don't change something. If you don't want to make any changes then you'll have to accept your going to be exhausted all the time.

Your body needs rest, no one's saying give up exercise but cut back. Have a couple of rest days a week! Go for a walk or some yoga instead if you must but try to give your body a rest from intense exercise, ven a short 5km run will take its toll if your bidy is never resting. How will you miss networking opportunities?

Honestly if I were you I'd take a week off, don't exercise, eat plenty and get plenty of sleep and see how you feel. If you can't take a week of exercise I would be worried.

Why did you ignore medical advice? There's nothing wrong with taking time off if you need.

My only practical thought was a cleaner. And ease off housework the rest of the time. Yes DH is having a tricky time with his DS but the result could be housework slides a bit not that you pick up the slack.

Exercise - could you at least swap to something a bit more east going like yoga as others have suggested.

It's great to have a good diet but can you make easier meals?

You do sound terrified of everything being less than perfect OP.

I would cut out at least one exercise session a week, do you have the option to get a cleaner/ironing assistance or similar so it takes the edge off the home stuff?

Ok, so that's great. If you do have a child you're career can still progress, so good idea to keep the career going. Of course you're still a spring chicken! Loosen up and what will be will be!

I say this from a place of kindness, but I think you need some talking therapy.

You sound like a total control freak - you control your body obsessively, you control your mind, you control your career. There is no give in your system. You are mentally and physically exhausted. You were signed off work as a HCP recognised that you needed a break but you disregarded it and went back in the next day because you couldn’t bear to not be there, to lose control of your tightly controlled life.

The brain is a powerful organ and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a factor in not getting pregnant - there is no “give” in your system for pregnancy or a baby.

I bet you haven’t told your fertility team just how intense your exercise programme is - they hear daily exercise and probably underestimate just how driven you are. Add in the mental load of work, home, relationships, etc then no wonder you’re at breaking point.

Step back my lovely. Arrange some counselling and relax slightly. Get a cleaner. Instead of doing HIT go for a swim, or a walk. Look at the trees, look at the ocean, smell the flowers.

OP hopefully you have been offered counseling with your IVF, if you haven't engaged with it then start to do so.
You could consider issues such as your desire for control, your sense of failure, unpick the impact of the issues with your step son and consider the impact of IVF.
I will say personally I was so tired during IVF I actually fell asleep at my desk. I found it emotionally and physically very grueling.
The idea of a more reflective exercise being added to the mix sounds a good one. Good luck.

Has the needing IVF come as a shock?

You can normally get free counselling.

I only found out needed it last year and it really does throw you off. I threw myself into work the first few months of finding out!

It’s easy to do - you end up concentrating on things can control when find out something you can’t do as planned.

How far in the process are you?

You are not useless btw it’s a medical condition that needs to be treated with medical treatment. There’s no shame in it if your feeling that!

I hope you feel better- take a rest bite, have a date night with DH one eve rather exercise.

On a side note- your work should not have let you work if signed off as could affect their insurance. If you didn’t tell them they probably wouldn’t thank you for ignoring it if something happened they would be liable.

I would cut one evening of exercise out and use that time to completely rest. I know you already have Sunday as a rest day but it sounds like you need another evening to completely chill once you get home from work. You could always make the 5 days a little bit tougher with the exercise if you are concerned about cutting it down.

You are doing too much.
I'd cut back on the exercise if I were you...

Also we have a cleaner! It’s the best thing ever did!

Who cares about networking opportunities when your health is at risk

DH is struggling with DSS, so I'm trying to carry as much of the day to day stuff. (Housework, cooking, meal prep)

But you're struggling now. Why do your DH's needs trump yours when your body is so clearly crying out for a break? You don't owe your husband your health.

Slow down and change the exercise.If you get pregnant you will have to anyway so change to yoga,swimming,spinning.
IVF is exhausting mentally but unless this is what you want to stop it will have to be exercise.
Your DH needs to step up too or the whole lot will fall on you during maternity leave and never change.

Have you had your iron and vitamin b levels checked?

I agree with everyone else on getting a cleaner, as well as a dishwasher, and tumble dryer if you don't have them but can afford to.

I agree with Sidge. Your mind needs attention to be healthy too, have you thought about meditation.

I have an hour commute and a full-on, walking/on my feet job. Out of the house 12 hours a day. I meditate for 5 minutes at least every morning. I do quick HIIT workouts about 4 times a week plus some yoga/Pilates. I wouldn't have the strength to do any of it without some carbs!

Something's got to give and I fear that it is you