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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think guests don't dictate where we eat?

91 replies

Endofrelationship · 29/01/2019 20:10

Fuck off daily mail and other crappy publications (they've published my stuff before).

Baby is 11 days old. We've had the usual request for visits, all fine, I'm feeling very well (despite c section) visitors coming today, we asked they come for a set time as we wanted to take DC1 out to a group. Was told no, that didn't work for them, they'd be arriving at X time. Fine DH took DC to the class I stayed in and awaited their arrival.

We said we'd take them out for lunch (we'd pay), no that wouldn't work, they wanted to eat at home. No offer of bringing something with them or getting a take away. When take away was suggested, that was also refused. They'll be here over 2 meal times, so just not feeding them isn't an option.

Close family so didn't want to be too pushy with them but they have form for coming round and expecting to be waited on. We've told them previously to help themselves (drinks, snacks etc) but they never do, just huff and grumble until they get offered something or leave. They are helpful in other ways though so can't put them down too much.

But AIBU to think that if you ask to visit someone (this isn't first visit to see new baby) that they get to decide the terms? And you don't demand a home cooked meal?

OP posts:
Bunbunbunny · 29/01/2019 20:11

How close is close?

Huggingslothsallday · 29/01/2019 20:12

You have an 11 day old baby- they should be offering to bring or make you something!

You should have just told them the well known phrase ‘sorry, that doesn’t work for us’

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 29/01/2019 20:13

Was told no, that didn't work for them
Damn your relatives, stealing the best MN line!

ihatethecold · 29/01/2019 20:13

Fuck that!!

TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 29/01/2019 20:13

No. It is cheeky fuckery at it's finest.

I have a family member a bit like this though. Our living arrangements are not suitable for entertaining currently and yet.....

Polkapjs · 29/01/2019 20:13

I can’t offer meals sorry. It’s take out or a shorter visit. Cfs

DoctorDread · 29/01/2019 20:14

My ex mil was like this! Total cheeky fuckery!!!

BarbarianMum · 29/01/2019 20:15

YANBU Eat before they arrive and hide sone food in your bedroom. Then ignore any hints. If they won't budge then make some noise about seeing to the baby, go upstairs with him/her and enjoy a leisurely lunch. They can stay hungry til a restaurant sounds good.

Purpleartichoke · 29/01/2019 20:15

You want to eat at home? How considerate that you are bringing a meal over to share since we just had a baby.

Alpacanorange · 29/01/2019 20:16

Don’t enter conversation where you ask their opinion. You need to plan, now you know they will try to override your plans, what you want and don’t be a walk over. Toughen up and say sorry that time doesn’t work. We are out from x to x and will be back at x. Look forward to see you then.

Singlenotsingle · 29/01/2019 20:16

Just order the takeaway anyway. Either they eat it or they go hungry

mummyhaschangedhername · 29/01/2019 20:16

Honestly I think you just need to be blunt. You say, we will get a take away and they will say no, and you will say, quite honestly, I've had a baby and major surgery 11 days ago, it's a take away. If you do not want that you can sort yourselves.

gamerchick · 29/01/2019 20:16

I can’t offer meals sorry. It’s take out or a shorter visit

This but add on they're welcome to bring stuff with them.

Comeon OP, set the ground rules now. Get the fuckers told and if it's your blokes family tell him to get them told.

explodingkitten · 29/01/2019 20:16

Do the same back.
Eating at home? Sorry, that doesn't work for us.
Want me to cook? Sorry that doesn't work for us

Guineapiglet345 · 29/01/2019 20:16

when they couldn’t come at the time you suggested you should have told them you had a group so they’d have to come another day. Show them that your in charge!

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 29/01/2019 20:17

No they don’t get to decide, the can have what’s on offer or nothing.

Irrelevant of what relationships or how close they are to you.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/01/2019 20:17

Your mistake was waiting in, instead of going to your baby class. You need to set the tone and so far you are allowing them to do it.

AlwaysSunnyInLiverpool · 29/01/2019 20:18

Why are you bending over backwards to accommodate them?!

Just say "that's a Shame (that you're hungry / arrived with only 30 minutes left before we head to a class / want to do X… but we did warn you, and since we HAVE A 11 DAY OLD BABY, your wants don't trump our needs right now".

Just keep repeating it and stop working around them: their wants don't trump your and baby's needs right now.

Evidencebased · 29/01/2019 20:18

Yep, what Single said.
Order that takeaway.
They can take it or leave it.
Just tell them nothing in, and no one free to go shopping.

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 20:19

Is this your in laws? How old are they? How long is their journey? I don't personally have an issue with older guests with a longer journey maybe not wishing to eat out.

So I think you need to give more info.

TulipsInbloom1 · 29/01/2019 20:19

This is when you use the MN adage, "sorry, that doesn't work for us"

Consolidatedyourloins · 29/01/2019 20:19

@Bunbunbunny

How close is close?

Irrelevant. She has a 11 day old baby.

YANBU, OP. I would tell them it's not convenient. You've been too accommodating.

BarbarianMum · 29/01/2019 20:19

Oh Im sorry, didnt realise that this had already happened. I hope you gave them nothing but toast.

AlwaysSunnyInLiverpool · 29/01/2019 20:19

Wait, you're 11 days post surgery with a newborn and they expectedyou to cook?! Wtf?!

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 29/01/2019 20:20

My PIL are like this. For them it is the Natural Order of Things.