Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think guests don't dictate where we eat?

91 replies

Endofrelationship · 29/01/2019 20:10

Fuck off daily mail and other crappy publications (they've published my stuff before).

Baby is 11 days old. We've had the usual request for visits, all fine, I'm feeling very well (despite c section) visitors coming today, we asked they come for a set time as we wanted to take DC1 out to a group. Was told no, that didn't work for them, they'd be arriving at X time. Fine DH took DC to the class I stayed in and awaited their arrival.

We said we'd take them out for lunch (we'd pay), no that wouldn't work, they wanted to eat at home. No offer of bringing something with them or getting a take away. When take away was suggested, that was also refused. They'll be here over 2 meal times, so just not feeding them isn't an option.

Close family so didn't want to be too pushy with them but they have form for coming round and expecting to be waited on. We've told them previously to help themselves (drinks, snacks etc) but they never do, just huff and grumble until they get offered something or leave. They are helpful in other ways though so can't put them down too much.

But AIBU to think that if you ask to visit someone (this isn't first visit to see new baby) that they get to decide the terms? And you don't demand a home cooked meal?

OP posts:
IAmWonderWoman · 29/01/2019 20:20

Order a take away. If they still object then tough, we have an 11 day old baby and we’re tired. Point them in the direction of the oven otherwise.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/01/2019 20:22

They’re taking the piss. Decide what you’re happy with and don’t be swayed. You also get to say how long the visit is, two mealtimes is too much.

Congratulations on your baby!

MolyHolyGuacamole · 29/01/2019 20:23

You: I'll take you out for lunch today! My treat!
Relative: no thanks, we're happy to just eat at yours

You: thats fine, but I won't be cooking as I've just had a baby, so if you want to stay in we'll order in!

End of discussion Grin

Sweetandawfulsour · 29/01/2019 20:23

Sounds like you’ve made your bed here. Stop being a pushover, close relative, royalty or whoever.
Go about your daily business and they can work around you. I’d be inclined to tell them to F.O. if I heard a grumble about my hosting skills.
You’re recovering, you have a newborn. You, your husband and the little babe come first.

LadyandGent · 29/01/2019 20:24

This is where I'd be saying, well 'let's leave it for a later date then where it suits everyone?' 'I don't want to put you out'. Purr......

StoneofDestiny · 29/01/2019 20:29

Class 1 CF award to them. Tell them to bring their own sandwiches.

Sunshinewithshowers123 · 29/01/2019 20:32

Absolutely not, you, the mother of the newly born baby gets to set the terms. However speaking from experience sadly that rarely happens.

AdoraBell · 29/01/2019 20:33

Definitely order a takeaway. When they protest tell them both you and DH are knackered, they can cook for you if they want to.

category12 · 29/01/2019 20:33

Why would you even give them an option? If they want to eat at your house, then it's takeaway. The end.

category12 · 29/01/2019 20:34

Or just give them pot noodles.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 29/01/2019 20:38

Say clearly: "No, that doesn't work for US. We'll be getting a takeaway. You're welcome to share,, but if you don't want to do that, we presume you'll sort your own meals out."

Expecting someone who's just had a baby and C section to whip up a home cooked meal for guests is cheeky fuckery. Don't enable it.

AllTheGoodUsernamesTaken · 29/01/2019 20:39

They are being cheeky fuckers, I would tell them to f* off and go and get their own food

Wonkypalmtree · 29/01/2019 20:39

Make a plate of sandwiches before they arrive and cover in cling film until it’s tome to eat. Offer nothing else.

trulybadlydeeply · 29/01/2019 20:41

You have just had surgery, you have a newborn ( no doubt with the associated sleepless nights), you have another DC as well and yet you are supposed to cool for them?? Definitely CFs, and I hope you haven't gone to any effort or fed them. They should be bringing food round for you.

Iloveacurry · 29/01/2019 20:41

Tell them to fuck off.

Congrats on your new arrival 💐

TulipsInbloom1 · 29/01/2019 20:42

Make a plate of sandwiches before they arrive and cover in cling film until it’s tome to eat. Offer nothing else

She is 11 days post c section.

GreatWesternValkyrie · 29/01/2019 20:43

We said we'd take them out for lunch (we'd pay), no that wouldn't work, they wanted to eat at home. No offer of bringing something with them or getting a take away. When take away was suggested, that was also refused

I’d text on the day of the visit and ask them if they’d be kind enough to pick up whilst they’re getting lunch to bring over with them. Just to drive the point home. Be obtuse, be unapologetic, develop your own sense of entitlement 😉

What ignorant twits!

AWishForWingsThatWork · 29/01/2019 20:45

Hell would freeze before I'd even make them a cup of tea under the circumstances.

Have your own sandwich/snacks ready to go, and tell them that since they declined to go out or eat take away, they'll have to cut their visit short and sort themselves out elsewhere. You have an 11 day old baby and have just had major surgery; you're not waiting on anybody except the baby itself.

OneStepMoreFun · 29/01/2019 20:45

Be blunt. Just say: I had a C-section a few days ago and I'm nursing. I'm not in a fit state to cook or wait on anyone. It's a take out, eat out or you can shop and cook if you prefer to eat here. That can be said nicely - it's just the truth!

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 29/01/2019 20:46

It’s not the baby ( I was back at work with the baby at 11 days, first baby single mum). It’s the surgery..
I’d be reminding them of septic stitches, weeping sores and bloody bandages...every time they took a mouthful.

It’s just rude to assume they visit you but the onus is on you to provide for them

MulticolourMophead · 29/01/2019 20:46

If they want a meal at home, it's take away or nothing. 11 day post CS? I couldn't even stand up completely straight at that point.

I'd been lucky enough to have time to plan ahead and had meals prepped in the freezer (it was my first, after all) which turned out to be a godsend because I could just pop them into the oven. No way would I have been able to stand up long enough to cook a meal.

BMW6 · 29/01/2019 20:48

Who ARE these asshats!
FFS just tell them you are not up to entertaining yet and won't be for the foreseeable future.
Christ on a bicycle if any of our family acted like these pricks they would simply be told to FUCK OFF!

CallMeVito · 29/01/2019 20:50

that wouldn't work, they wanted to eat at home

well, too bad. Don't say anything, when it's time to go, just announce you are going to xxx restaurant for lunch/diner. No one is asking them, you are telling them.

Actually, if YOU prefer a take-away, order one, but if people come to see a new mother, they should respect her wishes!

TheBhagwan · 29/01/2019 20:51

People on MN seriously have the most antisocial friends and relatives ever. I know people in real life who can be selfish or take advantage but I’ve never heard of anything like I hear on here. Your relatives literally said no going out and no takeaway? And you just said OK?? There has to be more details that make either their or your behavior seem slightly more appropriate and rational. As presented this is just way out there.

Floralhousecoat · 29/01/2019 20:52

They want to food you have cooked in your house? Fine. Boil big pot of pasta. Dump huge jar of tomato sauce over it. Job done.