Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very, very, very scared by this...

84 replies

MrsEddieEdwards · 29/01/2019 15:08

Ever heard the saying, you’re only one pay slip away from poverty?

It’s something I have never given a great deal of thought to because, although I’m not exactly rich, I’m comfortable. Maybe been a bit too comfortable.

My marriage broke up and is towards the end of the divorce process. I’m trying desperately to make ends meet on a part time wage, but the more I search for longer hours the further away that dream seems.

We haven’t reached a settlement yet, that should be in a few months, but I could lose my home, I’m fast losing savings because of legal fees and each time I shop, I find myself dropping another item off the bill as I need to save all I can (no bath soak, I can do without, no meat, I can do without, etc).

I wanted a quick and fair divorce - He wants to leave me with nothing (he’s been hateful all the way through).

I just need a hand hold I think. I’m slowly sinking into despair and the worry is eating away at me.

There are people worse off than I am, please don’t think I’m blind to that. But I just can’t see any light at the end of this tunnel.

I have no friends, no family.

Each day is a battle. A battle I fear I’m losing.

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 29/01/2019 15:11

You say you have enough, do you have any dependents?

What I would say is that this is temporary until the settlement comes in, you have savings, you have income, you need to cut your cloth in the meantime.

You sou d resourceful and resiliant and you can totally take care of this.

Have you done a budget with all your income and outgoings for the next few months?

MarthaHanson · 29/01/2019 15:12

Oh OP, that sounds so shit. There’ll be other posters along shortly who have experience & can offer advice, but have a handhold from me til then.Flowers

Confusedbeetle · 29/01/2019 15:12

Sorry, this is terrible. I can say nothing to help. Hope someone with knowledge will come forward

BagofTeeth · 29/01/2019 15:16

I'm afraid I can't offer any advice/experience but I couldn't read and run so I'm offering another handhold and some Thanks for you OP.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/01/2019 15:18

I didn't think leaving you with nothing was an option. Providing you've not cheated on him that is.
Also don't be apologetic by saying. You know there are people worse that you. Yes there are but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to wallow in and worry about your own woes.
Flowers

araiwa · 29/01/2019 15:19

Why are only working pt?
Are any children involved?

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 29/01/2019 15:23

Lidl is your friend. Online bargains. Look into couponing.

I think what would help you the most though, Is some friends. Download the MeetUp app. I did, I joined some geeky gaming groups and I don't look back.

Makes a huge difference. X

Hidingtonothing · 29/01/2019 15:27

I could be talking out my arse but I was under the impression it's possible to pay legal fees from your divorce settlement rather than as you go along. Would that help take the pressure off OP? Maybe worth a chat with your solicitor if so. Here's another hand to hold in the meantime, sorry things are shit just now but please trust that they will get better Flowers

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2019 15:29

Sweetie. You need friends. .

Don’t compare yourself to others. That won’t help, you need to be kind to yourself.

Soon you will be rid of this arse forever.

blueshoes · 29/01/2019 15:31

Providing you've not cheated on him that is.

Is this even relevant?

GottenGottenGotten · 29/01/2019 15:31

Have you looked to see if you are entitled to any benefits?

If things get too bad, do consider seeing if you can access a food bank. These things are there to stop people falling through the cracks.

imamum21 · 29/01/2019 15:32

there is a few things you can do, one is surveys there is real ones out there, join feed yourself for £1 a day on fb, join skint dad there is a list of survey sites and apps you can download, everytime you go to the shops get a receipt and upload them to the apps and you can cash out via paypal or amazon etc, buy cheaper brands, check you are getting everything your entitled too benefit wise - you can work and get benefits to top up your wage. do you have a citizens advice or money matters in your area? ask your employer if there is any overtime available if you could be considered for it. things will get better

Original poster
MrsEddieEdwards · 29/01/2019 15:33

We have a grown up DD who is amazing to me (they don’t have much of a relationship as he’s a vile man)

There was no cheating, just grew apart after I found myself a little part time job. It started amicable but then I found out he’d been hiding money away.

His theory now is that because I was a SAHM and then a carer for my terminally ill mother, I didn’t bring any money in (until very recently) and therefore I’m owed nothing.

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 29/01/2019 15:34

Why are only working pt? She says she's searching for longer hours. I don't know what it's like in your part of the country but in areas away from the SE it can be extremely difficult to get a job.

Dextrodependant · 29/01/2019 15:34

I hope the divorce is settled soon. Are you entitled to any benefits in the meantime?

Petsimos · 29/01/2019 15:36

Ins and outs of a relationship breakdown is not taken into account in divorce settlements so please don’t worry about some of the above comments.

Have you spoken to your solicitor and let them know that you may need an arrangement/ for them to act on a more cost sensitive basis? They will be able to help and should not be billing excessively above what you agreed. Also agree with the above re doing a bit of budget planning and seeing where the big outgoings are and when they come out.

Flowers look after yourself

newnameforthis7 · 29/01/2019 15:41

Not much advice OP but lots of good wishes and good luck to you. I am so sorry you're feeling blue.

Have you looked to see if you can get any extra financial help/benefits/tax credits?

Life is tough as a single woman/single mom (of working age) unless you are well off financially. I know at LEAST half a dozen women aged 35 to 55, (on low income/in unskilled work,) who are divorced or just never married, and they are permanently broke. They fight for extra hours at work, and look 10 years older than they actually are because they've been beaten down badly by life, and constantly have money worries.

Flowers Look after yourself, and DO see if you can get any extra help financially.

BlueSuffragette · 29/01/2019 15:41

He sounds horrible. Hope you get a decent share of your joint assets, ie at least 50% maybe more if you stayed home to look after you DD when younger. Can you prove he's been hiding money, have you told your lawyer? Perhaps you could up your working hours for more money. What about doing some voluntary work to make some friends? Good luck. Flowers

newnameforthis7 · 29/01/2019 15:44

Oh and don't let the fucker get away with saying you are entitled to NOTHING because you contributed less financially.

He is an Arsehole. And he is also wrong.

Tjzmummabear · 29/01/2019 15:44

How long was your marriage?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/01/2019 15:44

I only mentioned that as Op said
"He wanted to give her nothing"
In divorce are you not legal entitled to half of everything. Unless you've cheated. I didn't say op had done so.
Please read properly and gather the thought behind the words before you go wading in

Tjzmummabear · 29/01/2019 15:45

You raised your kids. Are you aware that you can legally stay in the family home and he has to pay if they are minors (under 18)

Tjzmummabear · 29/01/2019 15:46

cheating is nigh on impossible to pro ve

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/01/2019 15:46

New name is right.
Wether you didn't even put as much as gold coin in is irrelevant.
You're still legal entitled to half. Don't be bullied or told different

rainbowruthie · 29/01/2019 15:47

Sending kind thoughts and offering a hand to hold Flowers