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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Heating in winter!

104 replies

dbgirl · 29/01/2019 11:35

After 7 years of being together – and I know that as I write this, it will read extremely bizarre – but DH and I don't argue about life events, mother in laws, romance etc. We argue about...temperature!

Jokes aside, this is really getting us both down. For several years of our marriage, I have worn coats at home. It's only when friends visited and commented how cold it was in our home and if they could borrow jumpers, I began to be quite vocal about how much physical discomfort I am in at my own home after a long day's work. We've had arguments over my £12 tiny fan heater by my feet as he is very concerned that the electricity bill will shoot up if I use it up to an hour every day.

Fast forward to winter 2019 and we bought and refurbished a house, over the course of almost a year. Throughout the build, I wanted to ensure the house would be sufficiently heated through insulation and the right size radiators for every area, to the point of paranoia. Again, money came to the equation and even though I could very much afford it, DH simply put his foot down and did not want to get the right size or number of radiators and deterred me from overseeing builders when it came to insulation (we've subsequently discovered that most of our internal walls have no insulation at all - a building regs no-no that I am trying to resolve with the contractor).

So after promising that our new house would be efficient and different to our old house in terms of heating, it's turned out to be worse. Truthfully, I dread waking up these mornings as it's unbearably cold to the point I might as well be camping outside. The trouble is, DH grew up in cold weather and finds it invigorating so he simply won't have any of it and shouts at me to put on a jumper, when I'm in fact wearing 3. I am not even allowed to buy a tower fan heater for our bedroom. He wants to wait until next winter to 'save' and find more 'permanent solutions' (he did say this morning that he might try and get a new window for our bedroom next winter as it's the only one with single glazing - I find that's a positive step but most other rooms have double glazing, yet, they can't keep the heat in; we simply don't have the right insulation or number of heaters). I am trying my best to find innovative, cost-saving solutions that won't require breaking the bank or dreaded building disruptions but everything I say just turns into an argument.

I'm entering my third trimester and perhaps it's the thought of taking maternity leave and staying in this house an entire winter that is making me even more miserable. Neither of us like these daily arguments. Honestly, if I was just able to buy 1 cheap tower heater as a temporary solution and use it for half an hour in the morning and half an hour before going to bed, I would keep my mouth shut.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Seeline · 29/01/2019 11:38

What is the temperature in each room?

Holidayshopping · 29/01/2019 11:41

I cannot bear being cold-I think I’d just move out!

floraandeloise · 29/01/2019 11:41

He sounds selfish and a bit miserable. YANBU.

SpanielPlusToddler · 29/01/2019 11:47

If you’re in your third trimester then soon you’ll have a newborn and it sounds like your house will be far too cold for a baby. Our baby monitor displays the temperature and I think it’s recommended to be 18-20 degrees day and night. Maybe your husband will take note of advice for your baby?

MeetJoeTurquoise · 29/01/2019 11:47

I couldn't live like this, I don't like being cold. I have the heating on, my husband who prefers a cooler temp just wears shorts and t shirts in the house in the winter.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 29/01/2019 11:48

What temperature is it. It needs to be quite high for a baby

MeetJoeTurquoise · 29/01/2019 11:49

And a house that cold is no good for a newborn. When the health visitor or midwife visit they'll likely mention it.

EnoughSnowAlready · 29/01/2019 11:50

YANBU. He sounds incredibly selfish. I couldn't live with someone who only thought about himself.

Slothcuddles · 29/01/2019 11:51

Your house will need to be WARM with a newborn! You wearing 3 jumpers in doors is bizarre. I’ve got a t-shirt on with a thin jumper right now, and I’ve just turned off the heating and about to take my jumper off.
Please tell us the temp in each of your rooms.

dementedpixie · 29/01/2019 11:54

Just buy the damn heater. Do you really need his permission? He sounds like a selfish git tbh. How cold is the house? Is there central heating? Thermostat?

Slothcuddles · 29/01/2019 11:54

For what it’s worth my kitchen is 18 degrees and the rest of the place is 22 degrees at the moment.

missmouse101 · 29/01/2019 11:56

Why on earth does he have the final say on everything? Sad I wouldn't tolerate this. Are you running a dehumidifier? If not, I suggest you get one as it sounds like the house will be damp too. Dry air heats much faster than damp air. But no more bowing to his final decision OP. I'd buy whatever you need to keep warm.

SoyDora · 29/01/2019 11:56

He doesn’t care that you’re miserable and uncomfortable in your own home. His comfort is more important to him. That’s a pretty big issue.

Slothcuddles · 29/01/2019 11:57

And if he’s not there, why aren’t you turning it up??

(Sorry I hate being cold, hate it with a vengeance, I don’t know how you are managing it?!?!)

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 29/01/2019 11:57

He sounds like a skinflint. Why on earth do you have single glazing in a new build house? (Of course, if the rooms are already 20 degrees and you want them to be 30 then my answer changes!). But I agree with pp - I got told off by the midwife when DD was tiny for having the room too cold.

dementedpixie · 29/01/2019 11:58

I don't know the temperature in my rooms but am half dressed sitting in my bra and jeans and am not freezing (although we have snow outside) heating went off at 10am so the house will get cooler over the next few hours. If it gets too cold for me with a cardigan on over my clothes then I will boost the heating again

Neversurrender65 · 29/01/2019 11:58

As it not occurred to you that you are married to a controlling idiot. Idiot because he doesn’t have the sense to listen to you and your wise thoughts on proper insulation, has blown the viability of your new home and it’s Energy report, something any future buyer will take into consideration. The arguments and taking over of anything regarding home improvements smack to me of the lower end of emotional bullying. He might be nice and kind and thoughtful with other things, but frankly he’s worrying, and especially with a new baby on the way.
Don’t argue with him. Get together lots of information about making a house warm, how to best make the most of keeping warm on a budget, how a newborn needs keeping warm in a healthily regulated environment. Give them to him and ask him to read them. It’s not all about watching the meters, it’s about weatherproofing, heat proofing your home. And go out and buy yourself that heater. He needs to start listening to you.

ladybirdsaredotty · 29/01/2019 11:58

Yes, overnight temp for a baby is meant to be 16-20 degrees. We bought an oil radiator for our room for this reason as it's a cold attic room and dipped below 16 even with the heating on 19 or 20 degrees all night. It's not optional, and he's an idiot if he doesn't 'allow' you to keep the temperature at a safe temp for the baby when s/he is born. Although he sounds oddly controlling around it anyway if he's letting his pregnant wife wear 3 jumpers indoors. He sounds a bit obsessive around saving money but for no actual lack of funds Hmm I'd be very irritated to the point of possibly considering the relationship, partly because of the controlling nature of his interactions and actions around this, rather than because of the heating issue itself.

ladybirdsaredotty · 29/01/2019 11:59

*rather than JUST because of the heating issue

babysharkah · 29/01/2019 12:00

What a dick. Why does he get the final say? He sounds mean, and miserable.

russiandwarf · 29/01/2019 12:01

I hate being cold and feel freezing just reading your post 🥶 I can't understand his not wanting proper insulation - that's just false economy. I've had issues over the years with my husband not wanting the heating on, it's really annoying! He's better about it now but I still bought an electric fleece blanket from Lakeland in December. Get yourself one and a tower heater. Your husband is being selfish!

ExplodedPeach · 29/01/2019 12:01

He sounds controlling and mean to the point of obsession. Not putting insulation and radiators in a house you're renovating is incredibly short sighted - not least because you'll end up with damp and mould eventually.

Just buy yourself a heater. Why does he get the final say and not you?

Elfinablender · 29/01/2019 12:02

He shouts at you to put a jumper on when you are already wearing three?

Who made him boss? Just turn the heating up and invite him to leave if he complains.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 29/01/2019 12:02

Book yourself into a hotel and refuse to move back until the house is kept at a comfortable temperature. If he wants to live in freezing conditions he can always sleep in a tent in the garden.

Celebelly · 29/01/2019 12:03

Bloody hell. I thought it was bad enough until I read you are pregnant and having to wear three jumpers. His behaviour is bizarre and he seems to have sabotaged your new home. You can't have a newborn baby in those kind of temperatures, he does realise that?