Do we take on our nephew

[LM37]

We have SGO of our niece since 24 Aug 2018 , we have now had a call about baby number 2 , any one been in this position ?

If you have the provisions, time and energy then I would to keep them together

Can you manage them both?

I have 4 of my own , my niece who is 18 months , we went through 8 months of visits from social workers as niece has been here a year but only gained SGO in Aug , birth parents was visiting twice a week (when they turned up ) we won't know what problems baby will have untill he's born as mum has drunk through out , likely to be early too.

Totally depends on whether you think you can manage. If you can do it great but do not feel obliged to do it, you already have 5 kids in the house to say it's too much to have another possibly poorly new born does not make you unkind or weak it makes you practical, you have to think of your own children and your niece first

What a difficult situation. One of my thoughts is, what happens when baby number 3 or 4 follows?

I think it's the thought of having to go thru it all again , birth parents visiting , not sure if the process is any quicker second time round . not sure how it will effect our little one who has 6 visits a year from them now but only managed 1 since Aug .

Its OK to say no.
It is yours and your family wellbeing as well.

Talk to social services about money and a care package - this is a huge commitment for you and is saving the state £££ so make sure you get the higher rate of foster payments as with the drinking etc problems are possible. But you have to really don't you, I would for sure. A friend has recently taken their niece in, less than a year later she's thriving (from being abandoned in a crack den at 14) and predicted a*'s they did bargain with the council for support, financial and cahms.

The thing is, where does it stop. If you take on this new baby when it's born, are the parents going to create a new pregnancy?

This baby isn't here yet, and you are not attached. Give a lot of thought to your own DC and your DN and ask yourself honestly if you could cope with a 5th child, and will taking on an additional child (possibly with disabilities) will have a detrimental affect. Don't beat yourself up if you decide the answer is no OP. Do what is best for your and your current family.

I'd be thinking carefully because just how many children could they produce if the second one is due before the first is even two years old.

That's it ,it's very selfish of them to keep having , they was told any baby's born so soon after little one would mean a birth removal ,

I'd think very carefully about it before saying yes. It would be an additional child when you already have five and is likely to be a child with potentially life long additional needs, that would be a huge commitment on its own let alone with five other children to think of, you need to consider how you would meet the emotional and physical needs of six children. Then there's the added complication of visits restarting which would be unsettling for your niece, it sounds like she'll be better off once they dwindle down to zero and restarting them is only going to prolong that.

It's okay to say no, SS won't fling the baby out for the dustbin if you do.

Thankyou , I think it's knowing this one would be adopted out, our LO (niece ) came to us last January after having 5 months with my partners parents , they just couldn't manage so she came to us , so she was already part of out family

Only take a child if you can manage and be able to give the time and attention to all the children in your care. If you can't do this, then no, don't take him.

Do some reading and gather evidence on FASD. If the new baby has a high likelyhood of it then this should go someway to you getting some financial support.
Both of our adopted kids have potential FASD and are only 9 months apart - taken away at birth due to excessive drinking and domestic violence

If we could jump straight to SGO it would make things easier , (makes us in control ) my older kids are not a issue they are 18 and 16 and do there own thing , my boys 10 and 8 (my niece cousins ) they had every weekend on hold for 8 months , and the thought of them being round LO (niece ) when they haven't been more than once since August , they get 6 visits a yr and they can't manage that ,

I’d say no. For all the good reasons others have said upthread.

Baby will be placed for adoption, probably with family with no children or only one other. They will have more time to meet baby’s needs. You know that baby is at risk of having additional needs and you already have 5 kids.

And ask social services if you can have letterbox contact with the adopters . That way the children can know about each other or even meet up, if both sets of parents are happy.

Accept that the adopters will be suspicious of you initially as you are kinship carers and they will worry you will breach their confidentiality and put them and their child at risk. Time will show that you are genuine.

Please don’t assume that there will be FAS problems for the new baby. My mother drank solidly through 2 pregnancies with no issues, so it’s not necessarily a foregone conclusion.

It’s ok to say no, or yes, as you feel best for your whole family.

Our little one (niece ) was born 4 weeks early , at the min she's doing ok, she drunk through out her pregnancy with her too , Sw got involved when she was 7 months pregnant , she's just a little delayed in milestones but is catching up, we was told there could be learning difficulties down the line

BTW does new baby have same father ? Otherwise that adds another complication, if you might have separate visits from one Bio mum and two bio dads.

People don’t understand how much this disrupts your life. For years.

We had already spoke to them about contact with any future siblings (when we went for SGO ) and we agreed on this then, never thought she be pregnant so soon ages nearly 30 weeks

Only you can decide this but don’t feel you have to take the baby.
Problems with alcohol don’t always show straight away.
We are in your situation as kinship carers and only started thinking something was wrong around the age of 2.
You have a horrible, very difficult decision to make thinking about possible long term care needs for the baby, the effect on the other children and, as others have said, what you will do if baby 3 comes along.
We decided that we would not be in a position to take on another child. Fortunately that hasn’t happened but I know from other kinship carers that it frequently does.
Social services will press you to take the baby, partly because it is a cheap and easy solution for them.
I wish you all the best in making the decision that is right for everyone.

Yes same father

Ffs why is another child even being born in to this? What a selfish so and so your sister is. Keep having dc for them to be removed is wrong on so many levels

It’s ok for you to say no if your family can’t cope with another child, You have to decide what is best for your current little unit.

Oooft, what a difficult one. I feel for you. They keep popping them out and you keep taking them - and she drinks while pregnant?? Who is to say she doesn't just keep having more? Your call as to whether you can continue to do the best for all kids in the circumstances. I agree splitting them would be very sad, but you must have a limit in terms of capacity. Good luck with it all - you are clearly trying to do the best for everyone and that must be stressful