Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do we take on our nephew

84 replies

LM37 · 29/01/2019 11:20

We have SGO of our niece since 24 Aug 2018 , we have now had a call about baby number 2 , any one been in this position ?

OP posts:
BlewGoose · 29/01/2019 16:18

The only I'd do it is if your partner spoke to his brother and got him to agree to have the snip first. Otherwise it's going to a parade of children with special needs.

Maryann1975 · 29/01/2019 22:25

If they go on to have another after this pregnancy will you take on that child too?
If you take on this child you will have 6 children to look after. Where do you draw the line... at 6,7,8?
I think this is really relevant. I know adoptive parents who took on one baby and have ended up taking on it’s 3 siblings later on as they have come along as they didn’t want to split them. They have told me that they would never have wanted four dc, but wanted to keep the sibling group together. I guess when number three cam along, they thought that one would be the last, so took her in. Then number four came along and they didn’t want that one to be the only one not with the rest. I have no idea what they will do if there is another and I guess that’s a very real possibility?

No idea what I would do, but I think you have done a wonderful thing for your niece and whatever you decide needs to work for you and you shouldn’t have any guilt because without you, your nieces life wouldn’t have been as stable as you have made it for her.

Original poster
LM37 · 30/01/2019 10:33

My 16 yr old is about to start his journey in the RAF , my older children have there own rooms and my 2 boys 10 and 8 share , our little one is in our room at the min while her room is being built (having a extension ) my partner is a builder :) we would never take on another with out a family chat , just like we did with LO we have now .

OP posts:
Original poster
LM37 · 30/01/2019 10:37

His brother thinks it's all a big joke , he's screwed up on drugs

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 30/01/2019 10:38

You have to decide what you reasonably think you can manage for the next 18 or so years. Please don not feel bad of you conclude you cannot take on another child. adoption os much more open theses days and you may find that the people who adopt the new child would be willing to keep some contact with you and the other child.

imanoldbattleaxe · 30/01/2019 10:46

I'd say no. She could keep having kids where do you stop. This is their problem not yours and you can't be responsible for their irresponsibility.

kateandme · 30/01/2019 11:06

Ask what the others think.they might surprise u and think very forcefully that u should have the child.this might at least alleviate that concern.
I think ur bloody amazing.
And I'm sorry ur in this situation.but also glad because u sound like uve given ur dn the loveliest home.
Is some list pro come logistic in order.have a look at what is currently swirling through it heads at 50 trillion miles an hour.
What does ur do think?
What does ur gut think.
Could u agree this would be it? Then no guilt or fear of there were another.

kateandme · 30/01/2019 11:08

Ducking autocorrect I hate it! Aaaaa fucking*

cowfacemonkey · 30/01/2019 11:18

Contact can’t be a forced requirement of adoption as it goes against what adoption actually is. I think it is recognised that in some cases contact is best for the child especially siblings.
A hard choice OP but I certainly wouldn’t judge you for saying no. There has to be a line at which you can stop taking responsibility for someone else’s bad choices.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page