To be annoyed with DH

[AliceRR]

DH and I are sharing a car at the moment.

I am 38 weeks pregnant and have just started mat leave. Before then DH and I were travelling to work together in another city as I had managed to get a parking space there so could park for free under the building. I have PGP so it’s difficult for me to walk far and stand on the train etc.

Anyway I’m now on mat leave and DH is still working so we have different needs for the car. I don’t need the car every day but there are things I need it for eg shopping and midwife appointment and just getting around. DH needs it to get to work although he’ll be driving to the train station now that he’s going alone and won’t be able to park for free...

I’m annoyed with DH as I feel he wants everything his way regarding the car. He thinks that he should take the car to the station every day and if I want the car that day I should either get up at 7:30 and drive him to the station and then pick him up in the evening (so then would have car all day) OR get a taxi to the station to pick up the car. I’d then need to pick him up after work.

I suggested that wasn’t fair as it means for me to use the car I have to either get up early and go out in the cold when I’m on leave or get a taxi to our car. It’s less than 10 mins in the car so a taxi would cost maybe £4 around here.

He doesn’t have to change anything - he just gets to take the car or be dropped off and picked up.

Part of why it annoys me is I just feel new not thinking of me. I almost always give him a lift to the station on days when I’m not working as I don’t want him walking in the cold, especially as cold as it is now, but he doesn’t think twice about getting me up early.

Today he woke me up at 7:30 to take him to the station and I just didn’t want to get up. It didn’t help that he comes to bed late and so he disturbed me and I ended up having less sleep anyway. I told him I’m not getting up so just take the car. But then I was annoyed as he’d woken me up and I was left without a car!

I suggested (we spoke after he left) we needed another way as I just feel like I’m compromising and he’s doing nothing.

Also he can’t discuss it. I just want a solution we’re both happy with, bearing in mind i plan to take maternity leave for a year, and thinks will change again when I have a newborn baby. He just says fine I’ll buy a car at the weekend and you can have your own way. But he won’t. It’s just his way out of the discussion!

AIBU?

I think I’m not. I think he’s being selfish.

But I know some of you may think I’m probably making something of nothing. I’m grumpy at the moment! And I woke up in a bad mood because I was woken up and I can’t really go back to sleep...

[GetUpAgain]

You are 38 weeks pregnant. He is lazy. It is impossible for you to be unreasonable. Your wish should be his command right now!

[Purplelion]

Sorry but I think YABU. You share a car, so why should he have to pay for a taxi a few times a week! I think you should compromise and drive him. I would for my OH. Plenty of people only have 1 car and I think to get use of it you should drive. Go in your pyjamas, you'll only be out of the house for 20 minutes then you can go back to bed!

[Jess499427]

He needs to cycle or walk, and maybe you could make an exception and drop him off for heavy rain or strong winds. It’s only a mile. YANBU.

[AliceRR]

I think your solution sounds good and YANBU to want to be left the car 2 days a week, he can book a taxi in advance to come at the same time 2 days a week for say the next month and then he doesn't even have to ring one every morning and you can pick him up from the station after work

Exactly it’s getting to work on those two mornings and that’s it. I think that’s fair. It’s a compromise as it means I don’t have the car for the other three days when obviously ideally it’s nice to be able to have the option to go out whenever I feel like it eg if I fancy a macdonalds milkshake or something?!

My view was that we should have got another car. He kept saying no it’s too much pressure. We could have afforded it because we did it before but it was basically his decision (it was a year ago) but now we are about to buy a house and I’m going on mat leave so it’s not the ideal time.

But I think if he wants to share a car then he needs to compromise too

His proposal doesn’t involve any compromise on his part

I even said to him this morning, if I get a taxi will you pay for it. He said no because we need to save money. But he was happy when I was going to be the one paying!

We don’t have a full joint account yet...

[AliceRR]

Did you say that’s what it feels like at 7.30am for me?!

Yes!! Of course I did!!

But that’s when he says fine I’ll walk to the station for the rest of the week and buy a car at the weekend and then we’ll have no money for the new house.

He doesn’t mean any of it. He’ll expect to take the car tomorrow or get a lift and won’t buy a new car. He just can’t discuss it

[CarolDanvers]

He needs to cycle or walk, and maybe you could make an exception and drop him off for heavy rain or strong winds. It’s only a mile. YANBU

I’d tell my DH to FRO if he dictated the above to me.

Honestly some MNetters run their marriages like they’re in the army.

[Notagainagainagain]

I’m on your side OP.

It’s a question of the worst inconvenience to me: being woken earlier than necessary whilst struggling with sleep vs having to walk a mile. A mile! We all should flipping walk a mile and not use our cars unless otherwise impaired.

Plus you’re heavily pregnant! And sod driving to the station with a new born in tow that’s been up half the night.

Not sure how you resolve this one with your dp, can you revisit how tired and uncomfortable you are?

[AliceRR]

Just to be clear, realistically it would end up being maybe one morning a week when he has to walk or get a taxi, maybe not even that. The rest of the time he’d have the car or I’d take him.

It just annoys me he is asking for EVERYTHING and doesn’t seem to be able to compromise

[Jimjamjong]

He needs to cycle to the station, then he saves the parking fee, petrol, gym membership and you get to have the car some time.

[katsucurry]

We have the same situation. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and the train station is about 1.5 miles away. It never even crossed my mind not to give a lift - it's so cold!

He'd suggest walking anyway if it was warmer but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a quick lift at this time of year. As my husband gets a 6:30am train it's just too cold in winter that early to walk. I wouldn't want to and he would give me a lift also if he was off.

It is annoying and I would rather stay in bed, so I know how you feel. When I'm on maternity leave in the summer he'll definitely be walking then if you can talk to him about that?

[TheOrigFV45]

A mile? He can walk, bike, scoot or jog. When you said 10 min drive I imagined 3 miles, which in the warmer months might be lovely but not right now tbh.

[DrWhy]

I’m going against the grain. Your DH is being unreasonable in my view. You are tired and need to rest towards the end if your pregnancy, it’s only a mile to the station, that’s a 20 minute walk! I wouldn’t bother with the taxi, he can walk in the morning and you pick him up in the evening. A compromise would be that if the weather is vile he takes the car and you get a taxi there to pick it up when you need it. Once you have a baby and are needing to take them, their car seat and and all their stuff you getting the taxi is off the cards though.
The first week of my Mat leave I took DH into work the couple of days I happened the be awake, he cycled the 8 miles there and 8 miles back on the other days. We realised very quickly this wasn’t going to work well with a newborn when no-one was getting much sleep. Fortunately we were able to afford a second car and we bought one before DS was born. Where we live there’s not much I can do without the car and if I’d been woken to give him a lift at 7.30am after the nights I had with DS we’d be divorced by now!

[Bluntness100]

God, the petty predicaments people get themselves into.

If you can afford another car, buy one. There is no point going through this if you can afford one, which you clearly can as he said he would buy one at the weekend.

I mean seriously.

[OutPinked]

I think it’s fair for the next couple of weeks until the baby is born. You won’t need to go shopping or to a midwife appointment every day and you could always do both of those things in one day so you may need the car 2-3 times over the next fortnight or so? You can surely deal with waking at 7:30 to drop him off since it’s what you’ve been doing to get to work every day anyway.

Once the baby is born you will need another solution. You will eventually need to be mobile for doctors appointments, health visitor, possibly baby groups etc and I don’t think dropping him at 7:30 when you’ve been up most of the night will be the most feasible! If you can afford to run a second car that may be your only option. Alternatively he will have to get taxis to and from the station every day.

[Frouby]

I think you have bigger issues than the car tbh. You talk of you paying/him paying and you are about to go on maternity and buy a house.

He is being a knobhead by not walking or taking a taxi to leave the car every day for you. Me and ds walk to school, and it's a mile door to door. Ds is 5, we leave at 8.15am so it's still cold and we both survive just fine. He's parking the car a mile away, not on the moon. I presume a fit, grown man is capable of walking or booking a taxi if he is too bone idle to walk.

And if it was my car no way would I be left without it. And no way at 38 week pg would I be dragging my arse out of bed to pander to a fucking selfish manchild not having to make his own way to a station a fucking mile away.

Tell him to use his money to buy, tax, test and insure a car.

[rainflowerstar]

Oh ffs once the baby is here and your doing the night feeds the last thing you want to be doing is setting an alarm to take a lazy man to the train station. He can walk it's ONE MILE he's not walking through hot coals! If he's that bothered and lazy then tell him to buy his own car!!

[Juells]

I thought you were a bit unreasonable about the taxi thing, until I read that he expects you to pay for it

I can't believe that he leaves you without a car all day rather than walk a mile to the station. He's being an arse.

[SaturdayNext]

If he says he'll get a car at the weekend and you can have the current car after that, then really push him on it: ask when he's going to the garage, maybe offer to go with him to make sure he actually gets something. Even if he doesn't, make it clear that you are holding him to his promise that the current car is yours from Monday.

[SweetNorthernRose]

We live a mile from our local train station which we use to commute to work (although i work at home 3 days a week). My dh walks there and back on my working at home days. It's not far. I think your dh is being extremely lazy!
7.30 is early if you're not working in my view. I think you deserve a bit of a relax before the baby comes! YANBU.

[JasperKarat]

He can walk a mile! DHs office is a mile from home , there's no parking so he walks, when I was pregnant I worked from home a lot in the later stages and if I was up I'd offer to take him , he finishes late a couple of nights a week so i would offer to pick him up, he would sometimes say no he likes the walk to decompress after work or no go back to bed in the mornings. I had a sacroiliac joint dysfunction so I understand the lack of sleep and pain, sometimes I wouldn't get to sleep until five so getting up again at seven just to give a lift would've been a no go. It's the same now although he says not to pick him up in the evening because it's cold and DS is only little, but if DS and I are awake, dressed and I'm not feeding him, we'll drop DH off in the morning.

[AliceRR]

He'd suggest walking anyway if it was warmer but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a quick lift at this time of year.

He wouldn’t walk in the summer either!

And he didn’t mean it that he would buy a car at the weekend

He won’t buy one, that’s why the car arguments are such a big deal to me, as he basically didn’t give me any choice in sharing a car with him but then he’s not willing to be flexible about sharing

But he doesn’t need to be as he gets to share a car, it costs half as much, and HE is never inconvenienced!!

[Nativityriot]

Is a mile not just like a 15-20 minute walk? That's crazy!

[AliceRR]

7.30 is early if you're not working in my view. I think you deserve a bit of a relax before the baby comes! YANBU.

Thank you. That’s what I think too! Especially if he only has to walk / get a taxi maybe one morning and the rest of the time he has the car or gets a lift

[Neverunderfed]

It's a mile for fuck's sake, why can't he walk? If I was up/awake I would take him happily, but otherwise why doesn't he walk? If it was tipping it down then a taxi. I'm amazed he drives 1 mile, leaves the car there all day then drives mile back.

[BlackPrism]

You need to get another car or this will continue to be a cause of friction.