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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lady begging on the tube

337 replies

UsedtobeFeckless · 28/01/2019 22:55

Please all tell me in shouty capitals how it's a big wrong thing to give to beggers because l'm feeling bad about this.
Sitting on the tube and a lady comes along the carriage asking very quietly and politely for money. Everyone put their heads down and ignored her. I did too. If anyone else had put their hand in their pocket l would have done too but no-one did so l just sat there and l've been beating myself up for it ever since.
What would you have done?

OP posts:
Pumpkintopf · 28/01/2019 22:57

I'd probably have given her something in that situation, but generally try to eg buy the big issue so I can try to ensure the money goes to the right place. It's a tricky one op.

MargueritaPink · 28/01/2019 22:58

I probably would not have given anything. I do give to beggars in the street, particularly young women and those with animals.

Ivegotthree · 28/01/2019 23:00

I think I had the same woman at the weekend. I kept my head down as I had no money on me bar a credit card but felt bad about it.

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 28/01/2019 23:01

I do buy Big Issue, it was just being stuck there with a load of other people all pretending she didn't exist, l felt like l couldn't break ranks! I'm a bit ashamed of myself - l thought l had more gumption than that ...

OP posts:
theatrelady · 28/01/2019 23:03

And what exactly did she say?

Was it along the lines of "Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm just trying to get together a few pounds so I can get a bed for tonight. I'm really sorry. Any money or food that you don't want would be great."

If so, she's definitely from one of the organised gangs. They have a particular speech that they all use.

It's always best to either buy from Big Issue vendors or donate to homelessness charities - that way your money goes where it's genuinely needed. I'm not sure I've ever seen a 'real' beggar on the tube.

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 28/01/2019 23:03

lvegotthree skinny, small, glasses, woolly hat with ears on?

OP posts:
MissGiddyPants · 28/01/2019 23:04

Did she not perform? In Italy the beggars play an instrument or sing before taking a cup round the carriage.

But if you wanted to give then bloody hell don’t wait for others.

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 28/01/2019 23:05

That was it! Almost exactly! This was Victoria line, Oxford Circus-ish ...

OP posts:
chocolatespiders · 28/01/2019 23:06

I prob would have given a pound if I had it. Someone asked me earlier for change and I said I didn't have any. I had just given my last 40p to a lady begging with an amputated leg who I often see in my place of work (council). The lady who asked me then proceeded to say can you go to the cash point and get me a fiver!!!! I was a bit taken a back. So many professional beggars near me I prefer to go to the homeless that sit in the library all day never begging and give them small amounts of food/money. I also prefer to give my time and help at the soup run as to be honest money is tight with me and my children so time is normally the best thing I can give.

grenadezombie · 28/01/2019 23:06

Professional beggars. Not uncommon.

Areyouongluedear · 28/01/2019 23:06

No it’s not a big wrong thing to ‘give to neggars’ but equally it’s your money. Give if you can/want to or don’t. Your choice... but don’t feel bad. If you want to help on the other hand there’s always crisis or homeless hostels/charities you can volunteer at. Loads in London!

Areyouongluedear · 28/01/2019 23:08

What the hell is neggars? Bloody autocorrect.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 28/01/2019 23:08

I give to people in the street but I won't give on public transport. I appreciate that they are desperate but I feel very pressured and I resent that.

imip · 28/01/2019 23:09

It used to be a very common occurrence on the overground line. Or busking on the overground.

I don’t like donating to beggars as I’m never sure if it is genuine or not. Or local area has cashless card donations to homeless shelters. I feel more comfortable about this.

theatrelady · 28/01/2019 23:09

@UsedtobeFeckless Was that in response to me? If so, Oxford Circus is tourist central - it's a good place for the gangs to try begging. People who aren't used to the gangs won't know the spiel, will feel bad and they'll all chuck a few quid in a cup.

Homelessness is a real problem - I give to real charities and I volunteer in real shelters. But I don't give to beggars on the tube. Largely because they're not genuine.

IconicWaffle · 28/01/2019 23:10

I think it’s a matter of personal choice whether you (I mean the collective ‘you’, not you as an individual OP!) choose to give money, but what I will never understand is just ignoring the person who asks. I work in central London and pass countless rough sleepers, if any of them ask for change I either give it (not often I carry cash though), or just say ‘really sorry’ (that sounds blunt written down but it’s said with warmth and sincerity) - I usually get a smile or polite comment in return. I wouldnt ignore a person in any other walk of life so not sure why we do this with rough sleepers.

onegrapeshortofabunch · 28/01/2019 23:10

Do it. Give money. Make eye contact. I don’t care what someone’s reasons are for begging. They’re a person who deserves dignity and respect and not to be ignored. Even eye contact and a shake of the head is better than pretending they don’t exist

There has been a huge increase in beggars in the tube over the last decade. There used to be loadswhen I was a kid, too. In the intervening years they disappeared - thanks to more progressive social policies under the labour government.

WetWipesGoInTheBin · 28/01/2019 23:11

I don't give money to beggars fullstop. Yes I know they need alcohol and drugs to cope with being on the street but seeing people acting strangely because of the drugs they are on and knowing recovering alcoholics, means I never give money.

Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 28/01/2019 23:13

I think it's embaressment.

OP posts:
Original poster
UsedtobeFeckless · 28/01/2019 23:14

Sorry - that was to iconicwaffle

OP posts:
lisasimpsonssaxophone · 28/01/2019 23:15

I live near a very busy station and there’s a particular woman who hangs around approaching commuters and tourists outside. She’s very convincing and has a whole story about how the cash machine has just swallowed her bank card, and she’s so embarrassed but she just needs some money to get home, and if you can get her a tenner she’ll take your address and get it back to you as soon as she can go to the bank. Sometimes she’s crying as she says it, sometimes she just acts very shy and embarrassed. Occasionally she has a particularly shady looking bloke with her.

She fooled my partner once because he felt so awful for her and wondered what he’d do in that situation himself. But then we saw her outside giving someone else the same story a week later. Then finally, a few weeks ago, she actually approached the two of us again, at which point I politely just said ‘not today, ok?’ and reminded her that she’d already got us before (at which point she stopped crying, rolled her eyes and made a run for it).

It’s difficult to know how to feel about it because on the one hand, she’s clearly scamming people, but on the other hand I can’t imagine she’d spend her days scamming tourists out of tenners if she otherwise had a particularly nice life. The next time she approaches me I kind of want to ask her why she does it and if she needs help (apart from money!) but I can’t really imagine it going down very well Sad

MyFriendGoo5 · 28/01/2019 23:16

Professional beggars, I never give anything as it's encouraging the gangs.

I did however tuck a £20 note into the sleeping bag of a young lad sleeping in the underpass early one morning. I wouldn't usually as I'd usually donate to outreach but Sad

Squirreltamer · 28/01/2019 23:17

I give to charities. But have a family member who suffers with mental health and addiction issues.
We try to help him so much and he’s on the straight and narrow at the moment but he’ll never be “normal” as he’s damaged his mind too much.
But he used to beg even though he had all the help in the world and a small flat. The money he received would spiral him out of control on drugs.

So for me no. Everyone who gave my Family member money were unknowably assisting him on his road to self destruction. Not one penny went on food, just on drugs.

I was always imagine when I see beggars, my brother one visit to the drug pushers away from death. And I wouldn’t want to be assisting anyone with this.

We’d get my him off the streets after being picked up by police for committing a crime like shop lifting. The begging money was like a life support to continue his drugs without committing crimes.

You may all disagree with me but my personal experience means I will never give a beggar money only charities.

RockYourSocksOff · 28/01/2019 23:18

I’ve encountered two beggars on the tube. One woman was playing an instrument, just walked up and down stopping in front of passengers. The other a youth asking for change.

I didn’t give to either but I did give a couple of pounds to a man near to Greg’s at Westminster. He definitely looked like he needed a break. Who knows though. It’s hard.

Fatasfook · 28/01/2019 23:19

Don’t give money if you don’t want to but to ignore her completely is non human, a quiet “sorry I can’t help” doesn’t cost anything.