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Original poster

To be sacked due to sick children?

583 replies

Spamup · 28/01/2019 18:56

Regular user but have NC for this!

My children, DS and DD both under 3 have several bouts of sickness before christmas and today my DS is not well which has resulted in a hospital admission - my employet has casually mentioned before about how i would probably be better off not working but nothing has been written down regarding this - ff to this evening, it has been sent to the HR department for formal disciplinary process to start and i am in bits - i am a lone parent and no family or friends to support me with emergancy childcare as they all work full time - can i really lose my job over this? I have bills etc to pay and worked a long time in this field to get to where i am now :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Spamup · 28/01/2019 22:03

I know it has been excessive- yes i think you might be right!

I have tried but i am only one person and am limited within my capabilities at present, my DC have to come first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spamup · 28/01/2019 22:04

Its ashame that the other parents named on the birth certificate manage to forgo their rights through their own choice when it suits, as it would make my life much easier especially as he isnt working, but i digress!

OP posts:
Rockybooboo · 28/01/2019 22:05

Even if you had support, you'd want to be with your child if they were in hospital.

VanGoghsDog · 28/01/2019 22:05

You don't use parental leave for sick children.

You don't have occupational health assessments for you if the reason you are off is due to sick children.

The leave you use is emergency carer's leave/dependant's leave - but it is really only supposed to be used for the odd day, in an emergency, you are expected to put other plans in place after that.

Parental leave is a different thing altogether - it's longer term, comes in week blocks (if you use just one day in a week it still counts as a week), is planned, and like annual leave has it be requested and can be turned down (postponed) by the employer for operational reasons.
Plus you get a max of 4 weeks a year, so the OP has gone over that anyway!

It's a really tough situation, I hope the employer just wants to talk it over and put some plans in place to support the OP and help her, rather than go down the warning route.

Original poster
Spamup · 28/01/2019 22:10

I will go and have an open and honest conversation with them and hear what they have to say before i make any rash decisions but that is what i am heading towards at the moment with my gut instinct!

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 28/01/2019 22:11

this role clearly doesn’t fit in with your commitments as a single parent

We don't know that. We know that the OP has suggested a different work pattern and the company has refused. We don't know if a tribunal would consider that a reasonable refusal.

Parental leave is a different thing altogether - it's longer term

Not necessarily. There is Parental Leave as defined by law for the post birth/adoption period. Many firms also use the term "parental leave" for X days per year to support staff needing time for family issues eg sick children.

You don't have occupational health assessments for you if the reason you are off is due to sick children.

The OP was off ill in her own right for a prolonged period after domestic abuse and PND. That was the reason for occupational health is involvement. She made this clear in her posts.

Rockybooboo · 28/01/2019 22:11

Good luck OP. I really hope life picks up for you at some point.

ItsMEhooray · 28/01/2019 22:14

Hope you get sorted with a childminder/nanny. I work 2 days a week too and I find when my son leaves nursery on a Friday he develops whatever cold or virus has been going round that week just in time for me to not be able to go to work next week Confused they'll have a lot less sickness if they're at home with someone looking after them.

Original poster
Spamup · 28/01/2019 22:15

Thankyou, i know its all a bit doom and gloom but i am in a far better place then i was and fortunate as there is always someone far worse off - cliche but at least we have a roof over our head etc!

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 28/01/2019 22:16

Good luck OP. I really hope life picks up for you at some point

Yes this - its tough enough being a single parent and a victim of domestic abuse but you are trying to work and compensate for a non paying shit of an ex.

I hope you get some support.

Coronapop · 28/01/2019 22:19

Since you obviously need the job I would think your best option is to persevere, attend work as much as you possibly can and keep employer informed, especially of any attempts to try and make alternative arrangements. I would suggest not resigning at an early stage and letting the procedures run their course. It may be that if DCs' health improves and your attendance improves the situation will be resolved. If not and it reaches the stage of 'termination of employment' you could suggest you would take employer to a tribunal for unfair dismissal - more in the interests of either keeping job or getting a decent 'settlement' than actually proceeding to tribunal.

DocusDiplo · 28/01/2019 22:23

OP, I think you are an incredible and strong woman. I hope that you manage to find a solution to your employment, perhaps looking for a role?

I have been reading posters who are being blunt and terse. Towards a woman who has had the courage to protect her children and who is doing this all alone. Having small children is extremely hard, have some compassion, for gods sake. Really upsetting to see how callous people can be.

Good luck OP, best of wishes and luck.

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2019 22:23

Op, would you rather quit? There is no shame in that. Can you survive financially? Have you worked out the financial impacts, if you get no maintenance, have Nearly wiped out your savings ( and you need those for emergencies) and you can't get benefits for a number of weeks?

Rockybooboo · 28/01/2019 22:24

You do sound very optimistic despite everything. I had post natal depression but I was on mat leave so didn't have to worry about work. My daughters had minor illnesses such chicken pox but I've got a partner who can worK from home. Of she was hospitalised, I'd want to with her.

HettieBettie · 28/01/2019 22:26

Good luck OP and as the parent of a child who had tonsillitis 7 times in 5 months - I feel your pain and have no clue how I’d have coped if I was solo parenting
(Tonsils are out now and the child has never been sick again! Hooray)

To some of the posters here, unless you’ve been there.. try to be kind

Rockybooboo · 28/01/2019 22:29

Yes comments such 'it's not your employer's fault your kids are sick' are just nasty.

Battenburg1978 · 28/01/2019 22:32

Spam, I have no advice over and above that already given but want to say well done you for keeping going for this long under such. Tough set of circumstances. In not a single mum and even with support I have found it exceptionally hard when my DD was hospitalised 3 times in 2018 and my partner was also hospitalised for a week as we have no family in England. I cannot imagine how strong you have been to get through this so far.

I really hope that the suggestion of a nanny will help (as an aside I also see many nannies looking for work as well as families posting to seek nanny shares on local Facebook groups - worth finding out what the relevant FB/Mum's / selling types groups for your area are and join them).

I'm also not sure of the cost, but my work offer 10days of 'emergency nanny' childcare cover and they are able to source nannies at a very short notice to come to your house and they're happy to look after 'mildly' ill children ie not well enough to go nursery. May only be relevant if you are London based but happy to share the details if you like.

Good luck with your workplace tomorrow andrheEAP

Josiebloggs · 28/01/2019 22:33

How old are your children? Its so hard when they are young and they pick up every bug and virus. If your DD was premature and has a weak immune system you may be better with a nanny who comes to your home, is that a possibility?
Can you speak to gingerbread and ACAS? They may be able to help. You've left an abuser, are working to provide for your children and trying to cope with your MH, if you can do all that you can deal with this.

Justaboy · 28/01/2019 22:33

I don't know what you do but is there any possibility of working from home at all at times to suit you so you can have a bit more flexibility?

And not be in the prest awfull situation:!

Original poster
Spamup · 28/01/2019 22:38

Prior to moving here, i was doing a similar job for a different company which i loved, sadly got made redundant from there and i have since learnt the majority of their staff now WFH which is a shame and thanks to DV moving back to that job wont be an option for a while but its always good to know it is doable.

Genuinley, thankyou for being so kind, im really touched !!

OP posts:
paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 28/01/2019 22:43

I breezed through life as a working parent of DC1 & 2. Then DC 3 & 4 arrived as preemie twins. One thrived, one did not and has suffered years of recurrent poor health and therapies. After 3 years and many tearful months, I threw in the towel, and that was with DH & I working together to manage sickness.

People simply don't realise that not all children get the odd cold and can be bundled into nursery. You can't simply leave a sick and exhausted child with a stranger (so-called emergency child care), that even good friends aren't generally willing to look after a sick child from 8am - 6pm more than once, family often don't live close by, or in our case, aren't well enough themselves to drop everything. You can't leave a small child in hospital while you go to work - those days are gone. You can't demand weekend or early/late appointments with paediatric clinics that seem to operate approx 10-3. You can't schedule appointments for your day off when a clinic only runs once a week.

Good luck OP, its bloody hard.

Jarstastic · 28/01/2019 22:43

Can you manage to do a full day tomorrow? (As a half day won’t bode well) Do what you need to do, call in favours, agency nanny etc.

In regards to room for an au pair, can you squeeze in? Eg my cousin and her dh had 2 children as junior doctors, they lived in a 2 bed with them and their children in one room and the au pair in another.

GinandGingerBeer · 28/01/2019 22:48

On a separate note @Spamup (I've skimmed the tread and can't see that anyone has mentioned it) have you checked if you're entitled to help with childcare costs?

TheLastNigel · 28/01/2019 23:01

You have my sympathies op. And for what it's worth as a manager I would be trying to help you any way I could because I can't see what else you can actually do other than look after your sick kids.
People saying 'you have to sort this out now' aren't actually suggesting an immediate solution to having a sick child and no one to help.
Deffo look in to the Nanny and then that's something positive and pro active pucks say to work tomorrow at least.
I'm sorry for the time you have had and are still having

nonickspetticoat · 28/01/2019 23:11

Another who wonders what world some posters live in where they suddenly magic up emergency child care as a single parent with no family support. I had the luxury of parents on tap to take care of my DC if he was ill - I am so grateful, and yes, lucky. Without their support there would have been no way I could have held down my FT job.

OP ignore the pious holy than thou posters - you've done your best and I'd seriously consider taking time out while your children are so young - absolutely not your company's fault - they've been more than fair to not pull you in before now - that's not a dig, it's a fact that you're absent from work more than present.

What is appalling is that it's usually the mother who is left juggling work/home life/children when dead beat fathers walk away scot free.

I'd be doing my best to prove he was working if he is - how low to become unemployed just because you want to wriggle out of paying child support - utter scum.

Good luck and I hope everything works out ok