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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a bloody family holiday!!

91 replies

Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 10:31

I don't mean my own family
obviously.
Talking about other close relatives.
Back story is in the past we have had many holidays with both my sibling and DPs sibling and their partners.
Had good times but also some bloody nightmares.
My family slightly worse as a bit argumentative,mainly with each other. DP is quiet and has,quite rightly,had enough.
His family bossy and take over and one member moody at times.
This pisses me off.
Overall though we all like each other if that makes sense!
Anyway over time we have phased these hols out and we just go away on our own.pick what we like and we know what we like. All great.
Now his family asked us for a short break away. I'm neutral on this . Don't want to go or not go. Not fussed.

Place looks nice but not somewhere I particularly am desperate to go to.
DP is keen and offered to pay!!! If it was a one off i wouldn't be so concerned,but I'm.worried that it's the slippery slope to more breaks away. No fucking away.

So stupid me has reluctantly agreed.
Today I feel irrationally annoyed at myself for being a pushover but I didn't actually have an excuse to say no.
I'm annoyed as obviously out of the two awkward families I'd prefer mine but I'm going away with his!!
He seems quite chuffed by it all

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 28/01/2019 10:34

Nip it in the bud and say you don't want to go

evaperonspoodle · 28/01/2019 10:35

Suck it up OP, you are getting a free holiday and it's only a short break, not 6 months on a barge boat. Enjoy it and never repeat again.

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 10:40

Ha ha evap
Wished I'd said no but couldnt think if any reasonable excuse. Yes it's a free holiday but i rather DP spent his cash towards our family holday

OP posts:
Mulberry72 · 28/01/2019 10:45

Extended family holidays have never, ever appealed to me, ever. My parents, siblings and their families have always gone away together, but we’ve never gone. There are too many of them, they’re too loud and there is just the constant expectation to be up, doing stuff and having “the best time”.

We get called miserable, unsociable etc but I don’t care. Even when DF & DM have paid for everyone to go, we’ve still not gone.

justilou1 · 28/01/2019 10:45

Agree to go. Get travel insurance. Get sudden "D&V" bug the night before you are due to travel. (Laxatives.). Do Dailymail sad face as you wave them off at the door. Enjoy the peace and quiet while they are gone. Easy.

RupaulsGagRace · 28/01/2019 10:50

Find a different, better holiday and show Dh that youd rather go there as a couple.
Dont go on this family hol if u wont enjoy

CallMeVito · 28/01/2019 10:53

Don't be mean, if you have already agreed, it's mean and frankly rude to change your mind. I suppose if they haven't booked anything you can come up with a work emergency, but you cannot cancel at the last minute.

It doesn't have to be a slippery slope, it's a perfect excuse for not going to another one any time soon once you have gone to that holiday. Just say no next time - not many holidays, want an intimate one, job done.

Parthenope · 28/01/2019 10:56

But you don't need an 'excuse' not to go. Many or most people don't want to go on holiday with extended family. Just say you'd rather just holiday with your own family unit this year. Or, if your husband is that enthusiastic, let him go with the children, and you do something else?

My PiLs and SiLs have been begging us to go on a cruise with them for years -- I just say that's my idea of hell, and leave it at that.

Miane · 28/01/2019 10:57

Agree to go. Get travel insurance. Get sudden "D&V" bug the night before you are due to travel. (Laxatives.)

Erm Just you aren’t really suggesting insurance fraud and unnecessary medication to the OP?

I can’t tell if you are being serious (I hope not!)

Parthenope · 28/01/2019 11:01

Agreed Miane. I was assuming it was a joke, but there's a depressing tendency on these threads to think that it's easier to concoct a fake excuse at the last minute than to simply politely refuse in the first place.

Oysterbabe · 28/01/2019 11:01

Yanbu.
We keep going on holiday with DH's parents and brother and his family and I don't know why. BIL and SIL in particular have a very different holiday style to us and we drive each other nuts. They have a rigid timetable set around their kids food and nap schedules and start getting twitchy if we haven't left for the first destination by 9:05 as planned etc. We prefer a more relaxed approach.

justilou1 · 28/01/2019 11:02

I'm not REEEEEALLY being serious..... but you never know....

Holidayshopping · 28/01/2019 11:04

DP is keen and offered to pay!!!

What do you mean-offered to pay for everyone?

SaturdayNext · 28/01/2019 11:05

It's only a short break, and it's a long time since you've had to share a holiday. You need to suck it up but make it clear to your DP that this is strictly a one-off.

Crunched · 28/01/2019 11:07

Check out the location on Trip Advisor before you go and plan activities for you/ DP/ DC to do whilst you are there.
As you will be going off on a food walk, boat trip, visiting a local museum etc. you won’t need to stay with the grumps for much time at all, and, when you do see them you will have plenty to talk about.
This is the way I handle extended family holidays.

Yabbers · 28/01/2019 11:08

I thought you were neutral on it?

Whisky2014 · 28/01/2019 11:09

I think you should go on this one since you already agreed even though you were never keen, seems a silly thing to agree too. So i think you should suck it up. You'll either have a good time and that's great or it really will be the nail in the coffin and there will be no next time. Win win Imo

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 11:13

No i mean he's offered to pay for us! Meaning won't cost me any money
I'd rather the money be spent on something else as I didn't want an extra holiday!

It's only a few days not full week

I think I'm more annoyed over his enthusiasm. If i said id booked a holiday with my family he wouldnt.point blank refuse but he certainly wouldn't be offering to pay!
I've told him point blank it's a one off but it's not him suggesting it in the first place. He would never do that.
But I can just see his family saying after that was nice shall we do it again?

OP posts:
Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 11:15

Yabbers
When No said neutral i meant isn't particularly want to go away to where we are going but not the worst thing in the world either.
If it was a fortnight abroad it be point blank no.

OP posts:
StroppyWoman · 28/01/2019 11:18

You can't back out now you've agreed, that would be a rotten thing to do.

Maybe think of a good reason, right now, for you to use in future scenarios? It isn't a "slippery slope" if you don't let it be.
"That was a lovely change, so nice to spend time with you all - we must do it again for PIL's 60th" etc
Try give yourself a narrative to set future expectations and try have fun on this short break anyway.

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 11:19

whisky
I didn't really agree. Just Had his family texting me.saying this looks nice, do you fancy it?
Then further messages asking can I do this date,that date. I said I couldn't get the off work so they downsized to less time away and have picked a time they know I'm off and not going anywhere.
I.dont want to cause an atmosphere by saying no full stop. Not When I havent got an excuse. Not that I need a bloody excuse! DP should have made his excuses really so I don't look like the miserable one

OP posts:
oohyoudevilyou · 28/01/2019 11:40

For us, group holidays with our siblings and all our kids and our parents (various permutations, not everyone together) has been the glue that keeps family bonds strong. Its given the kids a strong bond with cousins that they wouldn't otherwise have due to distance. Sometimes there have been tensions, but we find separate caravans or villas, or at least a roomy holiday cottage with plenty of bathrooms works well. Splitting and doing our own thing for a couple of hours is a good idea too. Absolutely love the evenings sat around drinking wine, chatting and playing games though. I'd advise giving it a go for your DP's sake, OP.

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 11:44

Oohyoudevil
I've given it a go for my DPS sake many many times.
As he has for me. I dont want to start to do it again
A one off will be fine and a laugh I'm sure.
Its just my time and money are precious
I don't want to waste either doing something to please other people.
Yes he's paying but it's still all shared money.
There are about a million places I want up go and this isnt one of them particula9

OP posts:
Parthenope · 28/01/2019 11:44

Snap, I think you're misdirecting your anger here. Your husband wants to go, and you can't blame him for that -- they're his family, and he presumably likes them, and finds their 'quirks' less irksome than your family's, which is natural enough.

You essentially set this holiday in motion by making it sound as if you wanted to go but couldn't get the time off work, with the result that your ILs opted for a shorter break at a time you said you could make, because they presumably think you want to go, and are trying to make it possible. Again, that isn't their fault, because you didn't say no, thanks at the start. It's not their fault or your DH's fault that you didn't discuss this up front and just say it wasn't for you, or that while you couldn't go, you were happy for DH and the children to go without you.

Tinkerbell89 · 28/01/2019 11:53

Could your husband go on his own if he wants to go? Be honest with him and say you'd discussed holidays before and agreed to stop them. You're happy if he wants to go but you'd rather not spend another holiday with them. If you really don't want to go you need to speak up sooner than later

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