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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a bloody family holiday!!

91 replies

Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 10:31

I don't mean my own family
obviously.
Talking about other close relatives.
Back story is in the past we have had many holidays with both my sibling and DPs sibling and their partners.
Had good times but also some bloody nightmares.
My family slightly worse as a bit argumentative,mainly with each other. DP is quiet and has,quite rightly,had enough.
His family bossy and take over and one member moody at times.
This pisses me off.
Overall though we all like each other if that makes sense!
Anyway over time we have phased these hols out and we just go away on our own.pick what we like and we know what we like. All great.
Now his family asked us for a short break away. I'm neutral on this . Don't want to go or not go. Not fussed.

Place looks nice but not somewhere I particularly am desperate to go to.
DP is keen and offered to pay!!! If it was a one off i wouldn't be so concerned,but I'm.worried that it's the slippery slope to more breaks away. No fucking away.

So stupid me has reluctantly agreed.
Today I feel irrationally annoyed at myself for being a pushover but I didn't actually have an excuse to say no.
I'm annoyed as obviously out of the two awkward families I'd prefer mine but I'm going away with his!!
He seems quite chuffed by it all

OP posts:
CallMeVito · 28/01/2019 11:55

If i said id booked a holiday with my family he wouldnt.point blank refuse but he certainly wouldn't be offering to pay!
you can look at it another way: if they invite you for diner, they would pay, but they wouldn't give you cash for having diner tonight on your own would they.

Sounds reasonable to offer to pay when you invite someone.

oohyoudevilyou · 28/01/2019 11:55

I don't want to waste either doing something to please other people.
Yes he's paying but it's still all shared money.
There are about a million places I want up go and this isnt one of them particular

But your DP does want to go - so much that he will pay for you. Don't you want to support a close relationship between him and his family? (assuming they're not completely toxic)

CallMeVito · 28/01/2019 11:57

there are so many threads where people feel left on the side - there's one running at the moment. Just be happy your IL try to include you. Make the most of these days, and just make sure it's a firm no next time if you don't want to go, so they don't try to reschedule all their plans to accommodate you again.
Not being able to take any more days off this year because you have already booked everything is enough.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/01/2019 12:00

If you don't want to go, don't go....? Not difficult! Let the rest of them go if thats what they want - means you get the house to yourself for a few days

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:00

Parthnope,
I totally agree. However when I've said no the things in the past the family take it really personally and funny.
I did originally say id think about it but one family member wouldnt take no for an answer. Without me actually saying I don't want to go with you it was hard.
DP should have said no. Me saying no looks like I'm the funny one. They would have got arsey 100% with me.
I don't want to cause am atmosphere just rather him say something. We both have a small family and I like both families and their company just not a holiday!
He knows it's not my thing. Why should I be the bad guy but point blank saying no.
His family don't seem to think you CAN just say no thanks

His family shouldn't keep asking till we agree. It's nice to be asked but then they should leave it with us with no pressure.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:06

Hes got a close relationship with his family
I kept my deal by not going away with my family again.
We are all close and visit spend time together and have meals out etc
Just want to draw the line at nights away.

I just think it's really cheeky that his sibling kept badgering me. Just get the bloody message.
Give me space. Not keep saying:
"What about this one or this one or can you do this date or this date?"

OP posts:
Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:07

They havent rescheduled their plans
Didn't book anything till we said yes

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/01/2019 12:08

I think you have to go this time - just do it and forget about it. Make a stock answer for the future, buy yourself time and say you have to ask DP. Then get him to say no. Do you have DC? If so, you could get "D&V" and get him to take the DC without you - result!

pineapplebryanbrown · 28/01/2019 12:08

Also - LTB!

LadyBunker · 28/01/2019 12:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:10

He could have gone on his own but it's difficult. We are all friends so to speak. So it would be odd me not going with him and our dc with 'no reason'

Without me actually saying I don't like going away with you!!
Awkward and cause unnecessary friction

OP posts:
Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:11

Thighofrelief
The mood I'm in today I'm considering itGrin

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/01/2019 12:12

My sib keeps offering to take me on holiday - she's very rich and I'm not. It's a kind thought but my idea of hell would be to spend 2 weeks in her company. I just find her very wearing and I would come back a jibbering wreck. I say "that's a very kind thought and thank you but I'm just a weirdo and like to do very boring things and be alone".

Fairenuff · 28/01/2019 12:13

DP should have said no. Me saying no looks like I'm the funny one.

But you are the funny one. He is happy to go. They are happy to go. If you don't want to it's up to you to say so not expect him to.

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:15

Yes thats another thing
They have more money us. It's just a little extra break for them

I've got lots of things I need doing and a few breaks in the pipeline this year
Whether DP pays or not it's eating into our budget

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/01/2019 12:16

Possibly you could just say (in the future - you have to do this one) "I know it's me but I just don't enjoy group holidays with anyone. It's too full on for me, you know how much I love you. It;s just the holidays".

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:18

I don't think DP is that fussed. He's not very sociable! He would be too scared to say an outright no though

How do you actually say no to someone who will be properly offended?
They would be like what's up with snap?? It would probably lead to an actual fall out. Which I don't want.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:20

Yes thigh
Maybe next time.
As it's just a short break i felt I couldnt wiggle out of it

A main holiday I'd have just said no as we. got plans

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/01/2019 12:25

The older I get the less i understand people. I don't know why people want to take groups on holiday - is it Noah's Ark or something? No room for independent thought or movement. You can't read by the pool because some fucker likes you and wants to chat.

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:31

Yeah and the older I get the less tolerant I am of other people. And doing stuff to people please.
I'm.dead sociable.and love having a laugh but my holidays I like to be just us
I like specific places and doing certain stuff. So does dp.
In my experience trying to do these things with.less like minded people does not work.

OP posts:
Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 28/01/2019 12:31

It's you that doesn't want to go, stop passing the buck and expecting your husband to take the flack, open your mouth and say you don't want to go or shut the fuck up. Why the hell do you think your husband to do your dirty work? it makes you sound like a bitch

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:34

Ha ha
How does it make me sound like a bitch
He had said himself he prefers to not go with family anymore himself

It's only that his his sibling has put it to us
He would never plan a mini break! I wpuod tell my family no full stop. But They are not my family. It's his place to say something not me

OP posts:
Parthenope · 28/01/2019 12:37

How do you actually say no to someone who will be properly offended?They would be like what's up with snap?? It would probably lead to an actual fall out. Which I don't want.

Well, then you have to decide whether you doing something you really don't want to do is more important than looking like the 'bad guy' in your ILs' eyes (whereas you are happy to have your DH be the 'bad guy'?) You have clearly decided that what they think of you is more important than you going on a holiday you don't want. It's better for you to be angry than it is for them to be offended.

If that's your choice, that's fine, but you have to live with the consequences. And, in the nicest possible way, OP, it is a choice. No one put a gun to your head.

Original poster
Snapisallicanplay · 28/01/2019 12:37

I am actually being kind by agreeing. I could have actually said no i dont want to waste my money or my valued annual leave in going with you as you are too bossy
That would have made me a bigger bitch.
He knows all this. But he won't upset his family by saying no.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 28/01/2019 12:39

Are you more bothered by upsetting them or the fact that it would be you upsetting them and not him?

I don't get why you are blaming him. He asked if you wanted to go and you said yes. This is your own doing, not his.

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