Aibu, childminders behaviour, do i move both children?

[Haypanky]

So Dd is 4, ds is not yet 2. Both go to a local childminder, who has Ds all day 3x a week, and takes Dd to and from preschool for me. We've had a few issues settling Dd in, and I'm the first to say she can be extremely stubborn and can have the emotional maturity of a fish. She's also quite anxious under it all. But after a rocky start, things were going OK.

Last week at drop off, Dd hesitated at the door. The childminder took her arm. Dd pulled back, the childminder pulled more, dragged her in screaming and shut the door. Dd says she wasn't allowed to get down from the table and had to face the wall. Preschool said Dd was very upset at drop off and felt sad.

Dh got home, and texted saying something like 'oh dear etc, we find Dd doesn't react well to manhandling, next time might be better to talk to her'. Childminder basically got the hump at us for implying she'd mishandled the situation. Dh ended up apologising.

Next day I did drop off, childminder was still in a hump and very off with Dd (Dd was really good, I was so proud/relieved!). I smoothed her down.

Then at pick up I received a pretty narky note, saying childminder was very raw still, we are implying she mishandled things, she's been a childcare professional for x yrs and a mother for x, she's had complaints and Dd still hasn't apologised! She doesn't propose to be put through the mill again and basically this is Dd's last warning. Having been nicey nicey, my blood did boil at this! Aibu?!

I could just about live with the childminder pulling Dd, if she'd then shown willing to discuss better tactics. But Aibu to think you don't hold a grudge against a 4yo for not apologising?!

Dd is not going back, easy to do breakfast and after school club instead. But what do I do about ds? He's settled there and it works for us logistically. But aibu to just not want him there anymore?

Advice please, do i leave Ds there or look elsewhere?

Oops my paragraphs have vanished and now it looks really long!!

I'd have him out of there quicker than Concorde. She sounds thick nasty, and possibly a bit unhinged.

I think you’ve got to move him. If you don’t like the way she manhandled your DD (with good reason!) I think she is not going to change her ways. What about the time your DS is stubborn or won’t listen etc. she’ll do exactly the same thing to him and won’t apologize for it.

Take him out. She can get the hump with customers and see how far that gets her.

Lol thank you. I think she is a bit old school, and thought she was nipping things in the bud. But just totally the wrong thing for Dd.

No way in hell would I keep that childminder she sounds horrible.

Absolutely move him as soon as you can, she sounds awful and you will never be comfortable with her again after this.

I would move your other child too. Child minder doesn't sound very professional.

Read your post op, you need to take both dc out, today. She sounds utterly bonkers and unprofessional.

-She punished an anxious child for her anxiety. I'd have your DS out of there.

Omg she sounds awful
Of only the way she dealt with your DD (which is not at all appropriate) but the sulking and turning it Roy d to be your/DD fault
Get your kids out and don’t go there again.
I’d be tempted to report her for the manhandling too

Nope, I'd withdraw the kids.

I have a childminder and she would never act like that.

Any adult that holds a grudge against a 4 year old child (and expects them to remember a minor midemeanor (though I don't even think your dd was being naughty, just anxious/unsure) does not deserve to be looking after them.

That is unbelievable. My CM wouldn't have done that in 1 million years. Who knows what is happening when you cannot see.

She punished her? Made her face the wall? And then was in a 'mood' with your child????

Neither child would be going back and I'd report her to Ofsted.

My childminder loved my kids like she was their actual grandmother! SHe did nothing but cuddle/ explain kindly / be loving and caring !

Move them. My childminder was excellent with my children if they were upset at drop off. Yes she would physically remove them from me but she would cuddle them herself until they calmed down or distracted the with food or play. You need to trust your childminder completely, if you don’t then you need to find one you do.

Totally not acceptable OP. If a teacher did that to a pupil they'd be out of a job, and it's the same type of professional relationship here. She should not be handling your daughter (or any child!) like that. I would withdraw both children and tell her why! She might have been doing the job for years, but that doesn't mean she's been doing it well!

Thanks lovely lot, that's super clear. I was honestly questioning myself after this mornings drop off, when ds went in happily and the childminder was 'normal'. I think I'm also being a wimp about handing my notice in and having to keep going for 4wks very awkward weeks! I will woman the heck up!

I'd love them out because you obviously don't agree with her way of doing things. We can't comment on anything else as we only have one side of the story

My sons cm is the opposite of the description of yours. Ds occasionally needs gentle cajoling (cause he wants to stay home and play with his stuff) but he loves cm and I know she loves him too.

In your position I’d pull both and make a formal complaint because as I understand it she has to keep records of complaints and when she’s next seen by ofsted they will see this

Why did u leave her there after she man handled your child?

Nope, when I have a child who doesn't want to come in (and it happens every so often even with the most settled ones) they get scooped up and cuddled. The woman is the type who gives minders a bad name. (P.s. late start today so no children were ignored while typing this message!!)

@Caxx, I didn't do the drop off, dh did. He doesn't normally do it and tbh doesn't have the fastest reaction times in the world. He was unsure what to do. The childminder then said she'd acted to make sure the child was safe and secure?! I don't know... Childminder is a strong personality and I know what Dd can be like on occasion so I guess I've doubted myself. I've been stewing about it all weekend. Hence this post.

I agree with onlyjoined -. Leave, find another CM.

I wonder why you weren't "talking to" you DD while she was having a tantrum about going in. If it works then surely you would have been able to persuade her to go in.

I would not leave my child there after she has man handled another of my children. That said - it was daft for your hubby to send a negative text - he should have rung or said something in person so any issues could be cleared up immediately. Although at least it exposed her immaturity.