Aibu, childminders behaviour, do i move both children?

[Haypanky]

So Dd is 4, ds is not yet 2. Both go to a local childminder, who has Ds all day 3x a week, and takes Dd to and from preschool for me. We've had a few issues settling Dd in, and I'm the first to say she can be extremely stubborn and can have the emotional maturity of a fish. She's also quite anxious under it all. But after a rocky start, things were going OK.

Last week at drop off, Dd hesitated at the door. The childminder took her arm. Dd pulled back, the childminder pulled more, dragged her in screaming and shut the door. Dd says she wasn't allowed to get down from the table and had to face the wall. Preschool said Dd was very upset at drop off and felt sad.

Dh got home, and texted saying something like 'oh dear etc, we find Dd doesn't react well to manhandling, next time might be better to talk to her'. Childminder basically got the hump at us for implying she'd mishandled the situation. Dh ended up apologising.

Next day I did drop off, childminder was still in a hump and very off with Dd (Dd was really good, I was so proud/relieved!). I smoothed her down.

Then at pick up I received a pretty narky note, saying childminder was very raw still, we are implying she mishandled things, she's been a childcare professional for x yrs and a mother for x, she's had complaints and Dd still hasn't apologised! She doesn't propose to be put through the mill again and basically this is Dd's last warning. Having been nicey nicey, my blood did boil at this! Aibu?!

I could just about live with the childminder pulling Dd, if she'd then shown willing to discuss better tactics. But Aibu to think you don't hold a grudge against a 4yo for not apologising?!

Dd is not going back, easy to do breakfast and after school club instead. But what do I do about ds? He's settled there and it works for us logistically. But aibu to just not want him there anymore?

Advice please, do i leave Ds there or look elsewhere?

Gotton-do the childminders in East Renfrewshire have a terrible reputation?

Done. Notice in. Dd isn't going back. Ds will finish this week, go to grandparents for a couple of weeks then start at nursery, because I can't afford 4 lots of childcare for a month! When we're sorted I'll look into reporting this. Thanks for the clear advice everyone.

Glad you’ve pulled them out, I’m still not sure why you’re paying the notice period to this woman!

Do you favour one child over the other as it seems so? If one isn't safe then why is the other?

@makeitamazing that's rot. Both kids are now out of the childminder.

They weren't both out on Monday night. I can only comment on what you tell us.

Well it's not the case, got no qualms on that front.

I'd be worried of this behaviour. Pulling children and closing the door on parents. Expecting a 4yr old to apologise cause she was upset. Not a person I'd leave kids with. Pull both out, you don't know how else she treats them behind closed door. Maybe she also needs to be reported to safeguard other kids. She should have spoken to your DD and tried to reassure her and get her to go inside not pull her about. She did this infront of the parent....what else happens.

She meant complaints from her neighbours about noise during drop off (her 'reason' for pulling/dragging Dd inside (she wasn't being noisy until the pulling started!) ) and complaints from another mum about Dd's behaviour upsetting her child (I think this is crap, other mum probably said what in earth or some such, I wouldn't see this as a complaint as such...). She meant she didn't propose being put through the mill again by my child. Who is clearly a delinquent. Not.