To be utterly fed up of advice?

[Mississippilessly]

DS is 18 weeks. He only has decent naps on the sling or car seat. He doesn't sleep well at night.
I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. I've people around me but none that can really truly help out.

I am sick to my back teeth of advice. People telling me to CIO, or put him on solids, or follow Gina fucking Ford. I've no idea what I'm doing and I'm so so profoundly exhausted. It doesn't feel like it will ever get better. But I'm so ground down by the advice. As well as people telling me I 'look tired' no fucking shit Sherlock.
Sorry. As you were.
To make me feel better - care to share any bad advice you were given!?

IDK if the binky actually helps with sleep but they were my DDs' constant companions at that age (and still are for DD2 aged 6!) Just, if he does take to one, get a couple of spares and rotate them so they all get old and loved and stinky at the same rate and you're not completely stuffed if you lose one.

I really hope it gets better soon, it's a total killer I know! And IDK why people think FF is a cure-all either, I think people thin you just dial up 180ml and fill them up like a petrol tank and they sleep all night. DD2 had the appetite of a sparrow, still does, drank about 90ml every 90 minutes. Then when she went onto solid food we managed to drop all the night feeds except one at 3am... she kept that going till she was 15 months! It took me about another 4 years not to automatically wake up at that time - and then DD1 started getting up for a 3am wee and waking me to chum her to the toilet which is right next to her bedroom door, like she had to pass it to get to my room so I was back to it! Luckily you can bribe a 5 year old to go on their own...

Thanks for being so lovely everyone. Love mumsnet.

Is there a sale section? Can I advertise a small boy?

I'm pregnant and the unwanted advice is already coming in thick and fast. If I ever want advice I will ask for it, but if I felt I needed to ask other people for their opinion on every detail, I wouldn't be having a baby.

I think being pregnant or having a young baby makes people think it's an open invite to share their views.

No real advice but I could have written your post. Mine is 20 weeks and today I've hit a new level of exhaustion where I had to admit I was too tired to drive. When your knackered it's so hard to do anything but get through the days/nights. I sympathise.

Also why do people think formula solves everything? Agreed.

Can I tentatively say something....

If he sleeps well in sling and car seat have you investigated if he might have reflux? In the sling and car seat he's more or less upright so the reflux would improve, then the crying on a night could be when he's laid down and reflux is bad?

You do what works for you and your baby, knowing that this won't last forever. Just smile and say you'll give their advice some consideration then ignore.

That's not advice that's suggesting an avenue - that's different!
He's on reflux meds. I also suspect CMPA so I have cut out dairy for a while.

So I cant even comfort myself with a Twirl. Thanks wakeup

I have the best advice I promise. Given to me by an experienced mum when I could see no way forward. Ready?
you say that’s a good idea, thanks for that, then you do what you were going to do anyway
Stops the conversation because they think they have imparted their wisdom and you can get on with your day.
Sainsbury’s do dairy free cake that taste nice. But that’s not advise.

When I have a pregnant friend I give them 2 bits of advice

1. However annoying it is when ppl tell you to make the most of your sleep now, don't roll your eyes because you already know what it's like to be tired, followed by an epic eye roll

1. With the exception of point 1, ignore any advice you're given. You're a parent to your 50% genetically similar offspring so trust yourself.

I can't help beyond that, but want you to know I feel your pain. Circumstances meant I had to go back to work when DD was 10weeks and it destroyed me doing the night wake ups you describe xx

Ah ok fair enough, I did suspect you might be at the point of you've tried everything but thought I'd check.

It's relentless it really is, I have two DC one is now 6 and one is 2, I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing, feel guilty every night when they go to bed for things I feel I've done wrong in the day, I feel guilty I don't play with them enough or give them enough 1-2-1 time. Honestly you're doing great, if you're worrying about being good then that means you're good! This too shall pass.

Then you have the toddler stage where they don't listen to fuck all you say and can run at the speed of lightning!

I know the advice from people is unwanted and annoying but it does come from a good place. Hugs OP

Lift the cot mattress so head above stomach

Buy the Ford car like baby crib (no sure in cost but genius!)

Sleep in the car yourself

YANBU. My first was a terrible sleeper who needed to be attached to someone 24/7 and the words "drowsy but awake" still make me see red. Someone at baby group said once "have you tried just putting her down in the cot and seeing if she goes to sleep herself?" and I could have lamped her with a Ewan the Dream Sheep.

Oh! And "don't go running in at every little whimper." BRILLIANT ADVICE, now tell me where to get one of those babies that a) lets you leave the room in the first place and b) has a 'little whimper' setting rather than going from 0 to full-on red-faced screaming puking rage in 5 seconds!

This article is brilliant: thespinoff.co.nz/parenting/19-04-2017/emily-writes-putting-to-bed-bad-advice-about-infant-and-toddler-sleep/

I’m out the other side of 6 months raising satan’s off spring. He slept for a full night last night and I nearly wept with joy. This will happen to you and you will forget the crap few months you had and at some stage you might even have another one because you forgot about the crap!!!

The best thing about having my third child was that people left me in peace to “wing it” without feeling qualified to “advise” on everything. Those who had the same or more kids than me had clearly realised that all babies were different so advice about what worked for them is mostly pointless and the rest just assumed (wrongly) that I would know what I was doing!

Smile and nod at all the advice, take a deep breath, tell them it sounds like a good idea and then change the subject!!

I hear you!!!!
What worked for me (in the end) was co sleeping. I made peace with ‘ it doesn’t matter who sleeps where as longs as we get sleep ‘
And the hairdryer. On for HOURS 🤣

Another hairdryer dc over here! Mine needed background noise to sleep. And boob.
You will get through this. Take care of yourself

53rd yy To "drowsy but awake" and "every little whimper"...I have a 4 month old here too and I got one hour's sleep last night. If I put her down drowsy but awake she screams blue murder and wakes up my toddler who then also screams blue murder... fuck jt, i might just join them in the screaming tonight

No white noise app! It had to be the hairdryer!!!
And yes to boob, fed to sleep, turned around at some point in thr night for the other boob.
Do not listen to anybody tell you that you are making a rod for your back whatever you decide to do! Its total BS!!!

Why do people with great sleepers always assume it's what they did? Sometimes, kids are great sleepers. Sometimes they aren't. I have been a very light sleeper since birth, forty seven years ago. Some people just are! Gina Ford and so on has nowt to do with it!

I was so tired of the advice constantly being thrown at me. My friends and family members kept giving me advice on DS and DD. The advice ranged from tips on ear infections, bowel and bladder issues to clubbed feet. Some of the suggestions were downright too much for me personally. I also had to field questions.

“Take DS to a clubbed feet clinic” (I do that already)
“Perhaps DD needs to see a ENT” (I am going to see one)
“I recommend contacting the local hospital” (done)
“Have you seen a urologist yet”? (umm he’s being followed by one)

Worst advice - do controlled crying and "put a drop of brandy in his bottle" , My DD never slept. And my boy had serious reflux. Car seat helped BUT... If you are that exhausted you really aren't helping yourself by driving for 4-5 hours and your reflexes and reactions will be slower which puts you both at risk.

Not what you want to hear I know OP. You are doing brilliantly. It is exhausting. I was mad with sleep deprivation. I was living in a dreadful parallel universe where everything was weird and I could not think straight. It does get better.

I know you don't want advice, but I'm going to give you some anyway. Your child is perfectly normal so just go with what he wants and ignore the people yapping about routines and rods for backs. Babies just do what they want and life is much easier if you go with it until they're old enough to understand things like beds and routines.

@kitkatsky I'm nearly three months into life with a crap sleeper and I am absolutely furious about the number of people who did the whole smirky 'you've never known exhaustion like it' bollocks to me. Particularly the men. They had so much experience of the impact of late pregnancy exhaustion after all

No, I didn't know exhaustion like it, but terrifying pregnant women who are going through a tough time physically, even with a good pregnancy about feeling even more tired is pretty nasty. I actually think one of the biggest issues I faced with a non-sleeper was the fact I was recovering from later pregnancy and childbirth on no sleep, and I am cross this aspect is minimised.

It also turns out that once you get to about 6 weeks with a crap sleeper, people make shocked faces that you aren't getting much sleep and state their LO has been sleeping in 6-7 hour stints since 3 weeks and 'have you tried a bed time routine?' Fuckers.

I was you. Kids didn’t sleep till well past 18 months 2 years and only once I had sought professional help from a sleep consultant. Best money I ever spent. Also received shite advice from everyone I knew - formula,wean,routine,buy a particular mobile/lamp/blanket etc. To the point that I used to lie and say they slept fine even though my face said otherwise. Can honestly say some days those comments were worse than the sleep deprivation. You just survive. I bet your child will be a wonderful teenager

OP, I really feel for you, DC1 didn't sleep for longer than 2 hours at a stretch for over 2 years. At first helpful advice like 'you need a proper bedtime routine' or 'you give in too easily, it's just attention seeking' made me want to stab the unsolicited advisor in the eye with a fork, but gradually I was so worn down I started following it. We tried anything and everything, even a sleep consultant who gave us a refund. Nothing worked, until eventually it just got better. DC1 now sleeps for a good 10 hours and we did nothing different. It's easy for me to say now I'm out the other side, but just try to look after yourself as much as possible, get a break/sleep in shifts if you can. And feel free to stab people with a fork if it makes you feel better ;-)