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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think an 11yr old can take a bus on their own?

106 replies

user1490465531 · 26/01/2019 11:21

To think an 11 yr old can get the bus on their own?
For context I think my 11 yr old dd is old enough to take the bus on her own with same age friend and go to the local shopping centre or swimming baths without me always needing to be there.
Both are one short bus journey away and I think it's important to get some independence before she starts secondary school in September when she will be getting the bus on her own to and from school.
However she is horrified by the idea I think mainly because she's never travelled by herself.
AIBU to think she's old enough or what age is deemed old enough.
She is my only child so got nothing to compare her with.

OP posts:
Itwasbestoftimesworstoftimes · 26/01/2019 11:22

Yes. I was allowed to go swimming myself at that age. It’s a gentle move forward to independence.

By 12 I was coming home from high school, making myself a microwave overchip sandwich and going back out to netball practice. Those were the (skinny) days!

Iggii · 26/01/2019 11:23

Mine hasn’t but maybe I should start to let him, for the same reason as you. There isn’t anywhere he’d want to go on the bus so it’d be a bit of doing it for the sake of it, but I could at least take him on the school route.

Ikeameatballs · 26/01/2019 11:25

Yes, totally. I started my dd with things like this, she’s nearly 13 and I’m really proud of how independent she is.

FullOfJellyBeans · 26/01/2019 11:25

Depends on the child but as long as she's sensible and confident it should be absolutely fine. I would build it up in small bits though. Once she's used to walking to the local newsagent on her own she could do a longer, familiar journey one way with her friend etc.

snowybird1 · 26/01/2019 11:25

YADNBU! My DD11 gets the train and the bus to school by herself!

kaytee87 · 26/01/2019 11:25

Yanbu I think this would be fine.

cariadlet · 26/01/2019 11:26

I think it's a reasonable expectation and good preparation for the independence needed in secondary school, but if she's never travelled on her own before then it's understandable that she's anxious.

It might be worth talking to her to help her unpick exactly what it is that scares her. For example, if she's nervous about speaking to the driver and asking for her ticket then tell her what she needs to say and role play doing it at home. Then go on the bus together, but give her some money so that she boards first (with you just behind to give her confidence) and asks for the ticket herself.

Original poster
user1490465531 · 26/01/2019 11:27

It's nice to see that I'm not being unreasonable as I was worried I was expecting to much.

OP posts:
RossPoldarksWife · 26/01/2019 11:28

Yes it’s a great idea. My daughter first went on her own at 11yrs. She’s now 14yrs and took the train alone to her aunts in Cornwall, a 6hr journey. She loves the independence.

cheesenpickles · 26/01/2019 11:28

It was the only way I could see my friends after school or go into town after school. My dsis still picks up her (almost 30!) year old kids and ferries them around. Confused

Ted27 · 26/01/2019 11:28

Do you use any public transport at the moment or is she used to being ferried about in a car?

I don't drive so my son is very knowledgeable about buses and trains and how to to use them. We took some friends 13 year olds out with us last summer and going on the bus was a huge novelty for them but they didnt know how to buy a ticket, or how to check the timetables.

ILoveDolly · 26/01/2019 11:29

My dd gets the bus to school everyday. Its a private coach, but the principle of having to be at the right stop at the right time to catch it is the same: it won't wait for latecomers! She has done this since 11yo. Many of her friends take the train to school. If you are not sure how she will fare, do the journey with her once but let do her buy the ticket and do the time keeping

Original poster
user1490465531 · 26/01/2019 11:31

We get the bus everywhere so she is used to buses.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 26/01/2019 11:32

Dd was going to school in central London and negotiation the tube and rail network everyday from age 10.

If you usually travel by car I would do the journey a couple of times then let her do it by herself.
As long as she has a mobile on her and she knows how to cross the road then there shouldn’t be a problem

HenweeArcher · 26/01/2019 11:33

My parents told me I could get the bus into town on my own (with a friend/friends) when I turned 11 and I counted down the days, it was so exciting! We’d been going to the park/the shop/the next village etc. for a bit before that. It was definitely the norm that we all started to be given a bit more independence in the latter part of year 6, in preparation for secondary school (where most of us had to travel alone and often went home to empty houses).

Wearywithteens · 26/01/2019 11:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

flowery · 26/01/2019 11:35

My 11yo (year 7) gets the train home from school twice a week because of after school activities. He was nervous the first time but we practiced the 10 minute walk from school to the station with him and showed him everything about buying a ticket/which platform, and he was fine. Like pp he loves the independence.

He’s never been on a bus, we don’t use them anyway and there’s no need, but he’d be the same I’m sure.

flowery · 26/01/2019 11:36

I also have an app on his phone so I can track him, and he texts me to say he’s on the train.

MrsSchadenfreude · 26/01/2019 11:39

Yes absolutely no problem. @wearywithteens - why on earth would you worry about a 14 year old on a public bus? When do you think you would be able to let her have some independence?

ChoudeBruxelles · 26/01/2019 11:41

I think she’d be fine but where I live she would t be able to go swimming as kids have to be 12 to go in the pool unaccompanied and without a parent/guardian staying the building

TopicalUseOnly · 26/01/2019 11:44

Yes, totally, she can do this. January may not be the best time to start unless you're sure all journeys will be completed in daylight (it will probably feel more intimidating for her on a dark evening).

Do a dry run or two where you demonstrate how to find the right bus stop, check the bus number, know where to get off etc. Then a dry run where she makes all the decisions and finds the way without you prompting.

A mobile phone (even just a Nokia brick) would be good.

My 11 year old learnt to do this OK (and he is the least practical kid in the world and awaiting assessment for ASD). He did get lost once, but asked people for directions and worked it out, which I think is also a good learning experience (obviously you also need to tell them what to do if they get lost, and not to follow strangers down dark alleyways, if you haven't already).

Moondancer73 · 26/01/2019 11:46

YANBU. My son was getting two buses across town to school at 11. If they are sensible then I think it's fine.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 26/01/2019 11:50

yes, fine. i was going into town on the bus at that age. we've been doing a bit of graded exposure with 11yo dc1, and although i've dropped her in town to have a wander with her mates so far, getting her to get the tram herself is definitely something i want her to do in the next month or so.

Original poster
user1490465531 · 26/01/2019 11:50

She has a mobile and is quite sensible but seems reluctant to do anything on her own.
It's hard because she expects me to do everything for her still,I wash her hair get her clothes out every morning for school get her breakfast ready bring her up cup of tea etc all whilst I'm trying to get ready for work myself.
I thought it would be easier for me at this age but sometimes I feel like we are going backwards but if I ask her to do anything she just gets moody and upset.

OP posts:
FairyLightBlanket45 · 26/01/2019 11:51

I started getting sent on the bus at 11 years old in year 6 too (no mobile phone at this point either!) so I don’t think your being unreasonable.....

Maybe if she is nervous the first time, go with them on the way to the swimming pool for example. Make sure her nerves are solved by showing her where the return bus stop is and the time table, and she will already have her ticket by then, then she and her friend can make their own way back. This is how it started with me, also with a cerfew to start practising time keeping and see if I had the sense to call if I knew we would be late!

It sounds daft but I was also given the chance to buy myself a proper bag and wallet to go out so I could safely pack away my money and such and not just throw them into a swim bag. That might be a nice thing to do! Night make her excited rather than nervous....