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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think an 11yr old can take a bus on their own?

106 replies

user1490465531 · 26/01/2019 11:21

To think an 11 yr old can get the bus on their own?
For context I think my 11 yr old dd is old enough to take the bus on her own with same age friend and go to the local shopping centre or swimming baths without me always needing to be there.
Both are one short bus journey away and I think it's important to get some independence before she starts secondary school in September when she will be getting the bus on her own to and from school.
However she is horrified by the idea I think mainly because she's never travelled by herself.
AIBU to think she's old enough or what age is deemed old enough.
She is my only child so got nothing to compare her with.

OP posts:
cheminotte · 26/01/2019 15:45

Well done your DD!

combatbarbie · 26/01/2019 15:55

It's hard because she expects me to do everything for her still,I wash her hair get her clothes out every morning for school get her breakfast ready bring her up cup of tea etc all whilst I'm trying to get ready for work myself
And there lies your problem..... she is not self sufficient.

Your original question I would say yes, but that would not always be the case if for example you live in a rough area etc

combatbarbie · 26/01/2019 15:56

Seen your update....well done to her! It's amazing how independence can affect them..... now you need to enforce that independence at home Wink

BiscuitDrama · 26/01/2019 15:56

Stop phoning her! Smile
You sound a bit of a worrier.

Buttercupsandaisies · 26/01/2019 15:59

How different regions must be! My dad is the oldest in her year and in year 6 and none of them have started hanging round in town yet - never mind getting busses! And we live in a small town where the centre is pedestrianised. Most start around the Easter holidays. However, near me no child has to bus/car to school - all schools are within walking dustance so maybe that’s why everything seems so late.

Buttercupsandaisies · 26/01/2019 16:00

Older dd and her mates have just started getting the train to go shopping at age 13.5!

MsTSwift · 26/01/2019 16:01

My 11 year old happily going into town on bus with friends

BiscuitDrama · 26/01/2019 16:03

Sorry, I was a bit blunt with my worrier comment.
I’m just thinking maybe you need to encourage her to be a bit more independent. Smile

Original poster
user1490465531 · 26/01/2019 16:08

Your right biscuit I am a worrier!
Guess it's because it's her first time going out on her own.

OP posts:
flowery · 26/01/2019 16:12

Do you have a tracker app on her phone OP? We use Life360 with ours and it means we can see where they are at all times without keep phoning them. It also bings to notify me when they’ve arrived at/left home/school.

greenelephantscarf · 26/01/2019 16:12

she will be absolutely fine.
next step: getting her own stuff ready for school on monday.

Beamur · 26/01/2019 16:15

Yay! That's a great update.
Independence is very empowering, you'll be doing her a favour by letting her do more.

recklessgran · 26/01/2019 18:35

Ah that's a brilliant update OP. Strike while the iron's hot and praise her when she gets back before telling her that from now on she will be seeing to herself in the mornings. Remember. you're the parent.

PerfectlyPetty · 26/01/2019 18:43

Ds1 has just turned 11 and this is my plan for him this summer, to get him used to catching a bus on his own before comp.

I know 14 year olds not allowed out on their own for a moment...you have to prepare them for adult life and keeping them in won’t do that.

Graphista · 26/01/2019 18:44

Great update. It is hard not to stress but this is good for both of you.

Her having more independence will also give you more freedom.

Is it just the 2 of you?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 26/01/2019 18:50

How can children learn to be adults without doing stuff for themselves?
An 11 year should be capable of getting herself up dressed and breakfasted without a parent doing it all

Fairylightfurore · 26/01/2019 19:03

It depends on the 11 year old. I did but I had friends who were too shy to speak to the driver at that age and would walk rather than go through the embarrassment Confused You know your child but not every 11 year old will be able to do this

BigSandyBalls2015 · 26/01/2019 19:22

It’s great she’s done it. Hopefully it will encourage her to do more. All kids are different and it does depend on your area but generally when they start secondary school they change enormously regarding what they want to do and who with.

Most of us know primary school friends parents with drop offs/pick ups. That doesn’t generally happen in secondary and they’ll be off with friends you’ve never heard of, it’s a learning curve.

bookmum08 · 26/01/2019 19:23

Your daughter sounds like mine. Mine is the most un-independent 10 and a half year old ever. I am dreading September when she goes off to Secondary. We are trying. But some days I just want to cry. She is like a helpless kitten. I think I am doomed.

MsTSwift · 26/01/2019 19:50

A few detentions sharpens their minds

SparkofJoy · 26/01/2019 20:12

Stop phoning her. Ask for check in at specific times if you must. We all have a Life 360 app so can see where everyone is, it was a prerequisite to dc getting a mobile.

Cut back the morning support. I'd go cold turkey but if you don't want to give notice. From next week if you want a cuppa you need to get up a little earlier. My ds is the same age and lays his own clothes out, makes his own packed lunch, is responsible for getting his own kit / stuff for school ready. He needs a prompt to get out of bed and we are working in him being completely able to be independent in the mornings. He is fun of an evening, he comes in, makes a snack and plays Xbox. Maybe give her a task at the weekend or after school. Like emptying the dishwasher, getting dinner started.

SparkofJoy · 26/01/2019 20:13

His is fun, I meant fine after school.

donkeyshrekmom · 26/01/2019 20:14

I'd say don't force her. Just gently suggest / offer. Secondary school is still some months away and she'll probably just get on with it when she has to, like many other kids have to. And she won't be alone.

Does she go on the bus with you? If not, then maybe do the journey with her so she's comfortable with getting on / off / finding her stop / paying / using her pass etc

My DS14 has no desire to go on the bus on his own and it does worry me that he has little independence but when he HAS to, he will no doubt just get on with it. He can walk to school so hasnt had to travel out of his comfort zone (literally and metaphorically)

People do love to criticise / belittle and accuse of raising snowflakes etc but each to their own. Kids have a lot to deal with and if some prefer not to spread their wings at the earliest opportunity then that's no big deal.

donkeyshrekmom · 26/01/2019 20:16

Dammit - I didn't RTWT - apologies! I hope she's having fun!

marymarkle · 26/01/2019 20:33

I think some kids are desperate for independence. Some need a gentle nudge though. It sounds like your DD is the latter type of child and needs a gentle nudge to become more independent.

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