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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think DH can go back to work with an infected cut?

123 replies

TimeAwayCat · 24/01/2019 21:51

DH had a minor operation and the incision has got infected. It is being dressed at the GP surgery, but they have said if he feels up for it, he can return to work and it won't damage his health. He stacks shelves in a supermarket/warehouse and says it pulls when he does heavy lifting and irritates the area, the doctor is happy to still sign him off.

AIBU to think he can get back to work now? I'm not trying to disbelieve him but he manages to do some household chores with no problem... I think he's enjoying the lay ins a bit too much.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Handprints2018 · 25/01/2019 07:29

Yabu. My friend had keyhole appendectomy which became infected. 1-2 week is quick to go back for some anyway. My friend was off a month and her job wasn't manual.

You may need that extra money but you are suggesting it at his expense.

U2HasTheEdge · 25/01/2019 07:38

Why do you call it a cut?

YABVU but I think you get that now.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 25/01/2019 07:51

I had a small operation (for something less serious/painful than a gall bladder) on my back about two years ago, I was told not to do any heavy lifting for at least six weeks to give the incision time to heal. I was also signed off for four weeks, and I have a very sedentary desk job.

YABVU. I'm not a person who would knock SAHMs, I'm really not, but in this case, if money is tight you need to step up and earn some. You can't expect the poor sod to risk long term damage so you can stay at home.

Omzlas · 25/01/2019 08:03

The man had an operation FFS, keyhole or not, it's surgery.

I had keyhole surgery and I was in more pain than another surgery I'd had that was open

YABU.

At home, he can wash a few pots and have a sit down. Do a bit more and have a cuppa.

You cannot seriously expect him to go back to lifting boxes with an infected wound, leave him and stop pushing him to return to work, he NEEDS rest before he ends up in an even worse state.
I understand that the money is helpful but at what cost to his health??

MrsBandersnatch · 25/01/2019 09:18

Why do you call it a cut?

Indeed. It's a deep abdominal incision.

TrudeauGirl · 25/01/2019 09:30

It's an incision not a "cut" I'm sorry, but you sound very mean to him about this. Shelf stacking could very easily pull on that wound.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 25/01/2019 09:43

turnipfarmers · 25/01/2019 09:50

t was a gallbladder removal, one of the incisions is about 3cm, the others smaller. And I'm not just making stuff up, he was originally told he could be getting back to normal activities 2-3 weeks after.

I got an infection (MRSA) when my gallbladder was removed,the GP didn't let me go back to work for two months.

Unfinishedkitchen · 25/01/2019 09:51

Beyond your current situation I’m concerned for your long term future. Your family is in a very precarious financial situation. Your DH is doing a job which requires no qualifications so I’m assuming he has none. There is no long term future in what he’s doing. As he gets older, it will get harder. He’s very likely to be replaced by technology also.

If I were you I’d be be using this situation as a warning to make changes i.e you will have to make yourself employable and get a part time role so if this happens again you aren’t so exposed. You working PT will also allow him to drop some hours to give him some time to retrain.

Original poster

TimeAwayCat · 25/01/2019 09:54

Oh common, you know nothing about our situation and the digging at me needing to get a job is ridiculous, you don't know our situation and at the moment we are doing what is best for our family.

OP posts:

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 25/01/2019 10:08

Clearly it isn't best for your family because your husband missing one weekly overtime shift is causing you financial difficulties.

I sympathise, I really do! It should be possible for one parent to remain at home while the other works. Unfortunately, society is now geared around people having more income than shelf-stacking can provide.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 25/01/2019 10:11

Oh common, you know nothing about our situation and the digging at me needing to get a job is ridiculous, you don't know our situation and at the moment we are doing what is best for our family.

Is it genuinely what is best for your husband, too? It doesn't sound like it is, if you are putting pressure on him to return to work when he's an infected surgery wound.

If you don't want to get a job, can you cut costs so overtime isn't a requirement every week and is a bonus instead?

rytonsister · 25/01/2019 10:31

Op it sounds like he is just your work horse.

Yabvvu. Give the poor man a break and let him heal.

He has had major surgery and the wound site is now infected.

you come across as selfish.
If you're that worried he's missing his extra shift maybe you could temp for a few weeks while he stays home and you go earn a bit of money?

KittenKaboodal · 25/01/2019 10:57

Resuming normal activities does not mean stacking shelves and doing over-time.

He gets sick pay yes? So the money you are missing is the over-time money. YABVU to expect someone recovering from surgery to work over-time stacking shelves even if he was able (which he isn't) to do a normal working week.

It may be sometime before he feels up to over time even after he returns to work.

I suspect this is not about the money. I think it's him being at home all day disrupting your routine that's the real issue. Are you feeling like you need some time to yourself? I get that, I do, but you can't expect him to go out to work right now.

ReaganSomerset · 25/01/2019 12:06

If you're that worried he's missing his extra shift maybe you could temp for a few weeks while he stays home and you go earn a bit of money?

Yes, great advice. Do that.

WillowPeach · 25/01/2019 12:17

Lay off of him. If he normally does an extra day overtime each week and he already works full time then he is obviously ok with pulling his weight. You sound massively ungrateful for the hours he puts in OP. Sure you put them in too with your children but he doesn’t have to work that extra shift, he could just work his contracted hours and let you pick up a part time job. Let him have the break. The GP said it’s fine so it’s fine.

RCohle · 25/01/2019 12:57

Surely your husband also knows how helpful the cash from his extra shift is to the household.

So when deciding whether he is well enough to work he is taking that into account. He is really the only one able to weigh up the extra cash v how bad he feels - and he as made that call.

Referring to a surgical incision as a "cut" is increasingly dismissive. I opened this thread thinking he had a sore finger. I hope you've been kinder to him in real life!

SushiMonster · 25/01/2019 13:10

Oh common, you know nothing about our situation and the digging at me needing to get a job is ridiculous, you don't know our situation and at the moment we are doing what is best for our family

It’s hardly best for the family of you want to cause the only wage earner pain and suffering so you don’t miss one overtime shift worth of cash.

You don’t work. He stacks works in an unskilled job. This isn’t a good long term proposition for your family. Suggest you think about what might be best long term for the family here regarding work and skills.

ShodAndShadySenators · 25/01/2019 13:14

Keyhole surgery to remove an organ is like an iceberg - there's a hell of a lot under the surface that can't be seen. On top of that, he has bad bacteria charging around in his bloodstream.

Please just let the GP and your DH be the judges of when he can return to his very physical job. He could manage before and with an overtime shift on top, but that was before his major surgery. I see you are acknowledging YABU though, good on you

brizzledrizzle · 25/01/2019 14:04

and at the moment we are doing what is best for our family.

Forcing your DH back to work when he is still ill and recovering from surgery is best for your family? What about when he gets worse and ends up back in hospital on intravenous antibiotics? You sound really uncaring and quite unreasonable, not least for asking for advice on AIBU and then insisting what you are doing is right when it's really not.

gamerchick · 25/01/2019 15:34

gamerchick - what a rude thing to say that it was obvious she was a SAHM

Well it was

so what is your judgment on me, two SAHM's with different views, aka two different people with different views, who woulda thunk it?

Well yeah, that's how the world goes round. If you can't see the difference between the two then there's no point in explaining.

Oratorio · 28/01/2019 19:27

I’m lying in bed with an infected incision after having my gallbladder out a week ago, and I really feel for your poor husband with how dismissive you’re being of his surgery and his pain.

Fancyacuppaluv · 28/01/2019 19:52

YABVVU - but I guess you didn’t want to hear that

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