AIBU to think DH can go back to work with an infected cut?

[TimeAwayCat]

DH had a minor operation and the incision has got infected. It is being dressed at the GP surgery, but they have said if he feels up for it, he can return to work and it won't damage his health. He stacks shelves in a supermarket/warehouse and says it pulls when he does heavy lifting and irritates the area, the doctor is happy to still sign him off.

AIBU to think he can get back to work now? I'm not trying to disbelieve him but he manages to do some household chores with no problem... I think he's enjoying the lay ins a bit too much.

AIBU?

So your husband has had an operation and is sti recovering but you think he's just lazy and can't be arsed even though he normally works full time plus in a fairly manual job? Or that he isn't capable of making his own grown up decisions.

Wow, feel the love!!

For some reason I thought it was an injury to a finger
OP get real, he's had major surgery and the wound is infected.
You are truly selfish.

his recovery has been very good

Clearly it hasn't if he's now got an infection. Look, it's obvious the guy works his arse off and he's doing his bit around the house at a time when plenty of men would be crying on the sofa, milking it for all it's worth. Try and be a little more understanding as right now, it looks like you see him as little more than a walking wallet.

Repetitive work that causes low-level pain really takes it out of you. He’ll be exhausted. This really should be up to him. If we were talking about a post-op woman who’s husband was saying she had to return...

I'm pretty sure a grown man is capable of judging for himself whether he feels well enough or not to go to work, considering the problem is with HIS body.
Doesn't sound like he's your average layabout either, if he does overtime every week!
You're out of order.

Oh common... no he isn't a lazy man and I never implied such a thing, and yes I know he does his bit around the house. No need to be snarky about me being a SAHM, we have 2 under 3 and neither in nursery so it makes sense I'm at home.

And yes it was a keyhole surgery. The wound is about 3cm long... I know the infection isn't pleasant but it's well dressed and covered.

What was the surgery for? Laparoscopic incisions generally aren't as long as 3cm, indicating in itself possible complications.

His recovery hasn't been that good if he has a post operative infection.

If they had to go through the abdominal wall for a resection it's going to be sore for a while. Unless he has form for malingering I think you should leave it up to him.

Stacking shelves is a more physical job than I think most people appreciate. Constant lifting and stretching, and you’re expected to be fast. With it being on his midsection, he’ll be stretching and straining the point of incision thousands of times each shift. That would have been ok by now if he’d healed perfectly, but he hasnt, and going back with an infection is silly. There’s a good chance he’d make it worse and end up needing more time off than he would have otherwise.

I have had two operations, a routine laparoscopy by keyhole and a total hysterectomy with a full incision.
After the laparoscopy I got an infection in one of the sites/cuts and it was awful! Much worse than the pain from my hysterectomy. I was up and about doing things arpund tge house but it took me a full 6 weeks be pain free whereas with my hysterectomy I felt better much sooner. An infection in one of the sites can be really very painful.

Another one here who had an infection after abdominal surgery. It was MRSA and I ended up with an abscess and 9 days in hospital on a drip. OP, go easy on the poor guy.

I think if money is that tight maybe you need to look at working around his shifts. Evening jobs.
Weekend work?

I know the infection isn't pleasant but it's well dressed and covered

For crying out loud, it makes no odds how well covered it is, if it hurts, it hurts.

Insensitive and selfish OP you really are

YABU. More haste, less speed. If the wound is compromised further by his working then he’ll be out of action for longer.
I’m sure as a competent adult he can decide for himself when he’s able to go back. Three weeks in and I bet he’s actually starting to look forward to getting back to some sort of routine.

So he's had what you describe as minor surgery so presumably keyhole? The smaller incisions often make people think it is more minor surgery as it looks that way on the outside but it's still major surgery on the inside. Lifting heavy things such as stacking shelves and all the twisting and bending is going to be hard after any abdominal surgery.

Unless there is some massive drip feed coming (and possibly even then) YABVVVU.

I’d never treat my dp like this. I’m of the mind that he knows his own body and if he says he doesn’t feel well enough to do something then he doesn’t feel well enough to do something.🤷🏻‍♀️

@gamerchick - what a rude thing to say that it was obvious she was a SAHM, so am I and I think OP is being unfair, a cut in the side would definitely have the potential to cause pain or discomfit in a physical job.

My DH cut his hand and had to take a week or so off work, my DH went back too early..... shock horror, I told him he wasn't healed enough yet, he ended up hindering the healing.

so what is your judgment on me, two SAHM's with different views, aka two different people with different views, who woulda thunk it?

Yabvu! I wonder if doing too much at home and not resting as much as he should have been in one of the reasons for the infection!

And so what if he's enjoying the lie-ins. Given he's doing very regular overtime to fund the lifestyle you both want to have, it's not unreasonable to want a bit of extra time if you can have it.

I had abdominal, keyhole, surgery. It didn't get infected.
I went back after 2 weeks, and really shouldnt have. I couldn't stand upright fully. After 3 weeks I was just about right to sit at a desk all day. Stacking shelves, lifting stuff would have been horrific. Add to that, his wound has been infected, and the poor guy needs to put his feet up.

Yes he should stay off work, you are being very unreasonable, plus you should look after him more rather than it being ok for him to do housework because he isn’t bleeding. You should be thankful you have someone who is willing to work while you stay home and judge his recovery and still stay with you

YABU. If the cut is to his stomach and it's been infected he really needs to give it time to heal before he resumes constant bending and heavy lifting. I'm amazed you even need to be told this.

YABU!
Surely he's the judge of what he is capable of, shelf stacking is lots if bending, pulling and stretching.
I had a cyst removed from my back, not a massive hole, but as I didn't her sick pay and couldn't afford the time off I went to my job as a cleaner the next morning, as I bent down all the stitches ripped out, bled through my uniform and it got infected.
If it's irritating and hurting him then he should rest. The doctor said it's up to your DH and how he feels, he's decided he's not up to it.
I'm a SAHM now, my DH has the flu last week, I didn't tell him to go to work when though it'll affect our bills and budget. People get ill, pretty sure he's not playing sickie to piss you off.
You clearly don't think you are being unreasonable as you keep coming back to minimise his pain and the surgery.