Colleague acting strange. Aibu?

[Diamondangel8]

One of my colleagues that I get on with really well has just returned from travelling. We have been in touch and been communicating fb and WhatsApp. Anyway she came back on Monday and been totally off with me. We norm go out drinking, lunchtime together. I went to see her in her office first thing and her face was like thunder. She carried on with her work and wouldnt look up from her screen saying how busy she is and can't meet me for lunch. so simply tried to ask had she had a nice time? Very odd. I said if she can spare 5 mins to come see me in my office like she normally does as looking forward to hearing all about it. She didn't. I saw her in the corridor yesterday as returning from another office and she dashed down the other corridor when she saw me. I was talking with another colleague in the kitchen and she came up to them over the top giving them a big hug interrupting our conversation and ignoring me. I have absolutely no clue what is going On! AIBU? On her last day before travelling with her dh we went out for drinks and had a great time. I'm a bit in shock. WWYD?

She is moertified she told you and wants to pretend it never happened. Without a doubt its to do with that conversation. Or did she describe things her dh does and you called it abusive and she is shocked you said that.

This is starting to make sense now. She told me about her marriage which I thought does sound abusive. He tells her how to dress extremely controlling and railroaded her into marriage immediately and telling her how to dress on first date and controls all her money. I asked her is she ok with this? Tried to stop hints. Oh maybe this is what it is. I'll try to ask next week.

Bingo. You've got it. I think if you value the friendship I'd have a "I'd never judge your relationship and if you're happy that's all that matters. But if you ever need a friend I'm here."

Conversation with her.

I wouldn't ask next week, that just makes it an even bigger deal. I would just leave it. She'll get over it I'm sure.

If she's in an abusive relationship and he's cottoned on to the the fact that you've questioned his behaviour, he has probably instructed her to discontinue the friendship. She will do it because that's how coercive control works. She will believe that she has to do what he says in order to be the person he wants her to be.

I would find a way to let her know that you value her friendship, that you understand that she might need to step back now but you will always be there for her if she needs any support and will be happy to pick up where you left off.

At least then she will know she can turn turn to you again if she is ever able to walk away from his coercive control.

If she's in an abusive relationship and he's cottoned on to the the fact that you've questioned his behaviour, he has probably instructed her to discontinue the friendship. She will do it because that's how coercive control works. She will believe that she has to do what he says in order to be the person he wants her to be.

This. Have experienced similar from a friend in a controlling marriage.