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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague acting strange. Aibu?

107 replies

Diamondangel8 · 24/01/2019 20:47

One of my colleagues that I get on with really well has just returned from travelling. We have been in touch and been communicating fb and WhatsApp. Anyway she came back on Monday and been totally off with me. We norm go out drinking, lunchtime together. I went to see her in her office first thing and her face was like thunder. She carried on with her work and wouldnt look up from her screen saying how busy she is and can't meet me for lunch. so simply tried to ask had she had a nice time? Very odd. I said if she can spare 5 mins to come see me in my office like she normally does as looking forward to hearing all about it. She didn't. I saw her in the corridor yesterday as returning from another office and she dashed down the other corridor when she saw me. I was talking with another colleague in the kitchen and she came up to them over the top giving them a big hug interrupting our conversation and ignoring me. I have absolutely no clue what is going On! AIBU? On her last day before travelling with her dh we went out for drinks and had a great time. I'm a bit in shock. WWYD?

OP posts:
peachypetite · 25/01/2019 16:28

Ask her

Rachelle3211 · 25/01/2019 16:28

Why not just come out and ask her?

Randomname12345 · 25/01/2019 16:31

Could her manager have said something to her about how they think you're a distraction and she should avoid you or something? To be honest, going out drinking at a Monday lunchtime doesn't sound great. What sort of work do you do? Could it be affecting afternoon performance?

Thiswayorthatway · 25/01/2019 16:34

How can a bunch of random people on the internet tell you what's wrong, just ask her.

JessieMcJessie · 25/01/2019 16:34

Do you drink at lunchtimes? It wasn’t clear from the OP whether the lunches and drinks are at the same time! Perhaps she has realised while away that she has a drink problem and needs to stay away from people who will encourage her to drink? How long was she gone?

cabingirl · 25/01/2019 16:40

It's worth pursuing. It's very possible someone else has said something about you, or claimed you did or said something that has upset her.

It's worth finding out because you either did something to upset her and didn't realise it so finding out will give you a chance to apologise if necessary.

or

You are the subject of a lie and you will find out who has been saying something untrue about you.

Something like this happened to me once - an old friend suddenly stopped talking to me straight after her wedding. I later found out that she'd been told by someone that I had been going around the wedding saying how awful she looked in her dress. It was completely untrue - I hadn't even thought to myself that she looked bad - she looked gorgeous - so I definitely didn't say it out loud.

Deathraystare · 25/01/2019 16:42

Why the fuck won't she tell you if something is wrong?

You've heard of dress down Friday - could it be 'Behave like an 8 year old' week and you missed the email??!

Let it go and don't bother with her (though not in the childish way she is behaving to you.). She may eventually tell you what is wrong.

rytonsister · 25/01/2019 16:43

I'd ask, simple
Text saying you seem a bit off , is there a problem?

If no reply or no explanation id then leave it and avoid!

SaturdayNext · 25/01/2019 16:45

I think you do need to try a bit more to get some answers out of her. If she's heard something untrue about you, or if it's a misunderstanding that you could easily sort out, it would be a pity to let the friendship go.

Paddybare · 25/01/2019 16:47

You really have to ask her what’s going on.

You ‘just leaving it’ could, in her mind, imply that you are guilty of whatever it is that you are supposed to have done.

Get to the bottom of it, stamp it out, and then reconsider your friendship as this woman is obviously slightly unhinged.

Honeyroar · 25/01/2019 16:50

Ask her. Or ask your friend that works with her (and apologised when you went to her office - she clearly noticed)?

TrollQueen · 25/01/2019 16:55

Just say to her "Why did you leave for holiday as my friend and come back as a giant twat?" 🤔

Billben · 25/01/2019 17:01

Instead of asking her outright what her problem is, you are asking a bunch of strangers to try to guess what her problem is🙄

YouokHun · 25/01/2019 17:08

I’d have to corner her and ask her what her problem is. Front it out, don’t let her single you out for silent treatment so that others can’t see what the problem is.

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 25/01/2019 17:09

Ok I'll ask her to her face next week. Last time we went out before travelling we went out for drinks last day of work just the two of us. She did tell me about her marriage which imo sounded very controlling and poss abusive. I couldn't get a word in edgeways and she talked about herself the entire time except to ask me one question about myself and then cut me off half way through answering. I wasn't very impressed but let it go as a one off and then she comes back like this!! 🤔

OP posts:
Knitwit101 · 25/01/2019 17:12

So she's had a dream holiday with her dh and is regretting telling you so much bad stuff about him before she left

Onecutefox · 25/01/2019 17:17

It's either work (someone isn't happy with her) or her marriage. She may just envy you and your appearance simply irritates her. Is it a good relationship between you and her? No.
I would ask her what's up but I wouldn't ask her for drinks etc. Then I would ignore her and get on with my own stuff. Hello, hello and that's it.

MRex · 25/01/2019 17:21

Did you tell her that her marriage sounded abusive? What were the last messages you received from her?

Butterymuffin · 25/01/2019 17:33

Ask her. If she denies anything is wrong, it's what Knitwit said.

Honeyroar · 25/01/2019 17:38

Do you think she’s embarrassed that she told you too much about her marriage?

ShadyLady53 · 25/01/2019 18:02

Have you said anything on social media or liked anything that could have offended her? Anything political, religious/anti-religious, anything that could be perceived as racist or xenophobic, anything Brexity?

Rosstar84 · 25/01/2019 18:12

Holidays can change people they have time to step back learn new things see the bigger picture and see people in a different light and realise what's important. Personally I would waste no time asking them what's changed and why they are acting differently towards me but also be patient allowing her a few days to get back into the swing of things.xxx

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 25/01/2019 21:17

Why are you wasting your time on a person like this? You sound like a nice, kind, warm person and she’s just one of life’s users. Walk away now and ignore her. Work a bit on your self esteem as you have allowed her to treat you rudely and given her more chances than she ever deserved.

SaturdayNext · 25/01/2019 23:05

She did tell me about her marriage which imo sounded very controlling and poss abusive

I suspect that's your answer. She's spent her holiday going cold with horror about how much she's told you, and now she can't face you in case you bring this up again.

BSintolerant · 26/01/2019 00:08

SaturdayNext may well be right.

That said, do you think your colleague's husband is jealous of your friendship and has told her to cut you out of her life - or else! Divide and conquer and all that.