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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague acting strange. Aibu?

107 replies

Diamondangel8 · 24/01/2019 20:47

One of my colleagues that I get on with really well has just returned from travelling. We have been in touch and been communicating fb and WhatsApp. Anyway she came back on Monday and been totally off with me. We norm go out drinking, lunchtime together. I went to see her in her office first thing and her face was like thunder. She carried on with her work and wouldnt look up from her screen saying how busy she is and can't meet me for lunch. so simply tried to ask had she had a nice time? Very odd. I said if she can spare 5 mins to come see me in my office like she normally does as looking forward to hearing all about it. She didn't. I saw her in the corridor yesterday as returning from another office and she dashed down the other corridor when she saw me. I was talking with another colleague in the kitchen and she came up to them over the top giving them a big hug interrupting our conversation and ignoring me. I have absolutely no clue what is going On! AIBU? On her last day before travelling with her dh we went out for drinks and had a great time. I'm a bit in shock. WWYD?

OP posts:
BasilFaulty · 25/01/2019 01:01

How was today OP?

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 25/01/2019 09:56

I tried to talk again this morning when I saw her in the kitchen she's been too busy she was saying. Then a colleague was telling me they were hearing all about the travelling yesterday and some nice things her and her husband got up to including a renewal of their vows and did I not know? I'm not enquiring anymore, fed up of all the nonsense. I thought we got on but obviously not

OP posts:
bellinibobble · 25/01/2019 10:32

Wow.. what is her problem?

Not knowing would drive me mad but it looks like you've tried all you can OP.

ApolloandDaphne · 25/01/2019 10:34

I think it is time to let this friendship go.

Atetoomanymincepies · 25/01/2019 10:38

Sounds like you are better off without her

Nellabella · 25/01/2019 10:50

Sounds no matter what you say she won’t tell you what her problem is anyway. Hold your head up high and treat her as though she’s just another colleague who you don’t know outbof the workplace.

Dyingforchocolate · 25/01/2019 10:56

Sounds like you are better off without her op, she sounds very petty. I would message her and and ask if you had done something to upset but that's just because I probably wouldn't be able to let it lie without finding out, but either way the way she is acting she doesn't sound like a great friend anyway.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 25/01/2019 10:59

How very random. I would agree that you are better off without the dram of a 'friend' like her. It sounds very odd she's happy to talk about her travels to others and not you. Honestly she sounds petty and exhausting.

cstaff · 25/01/2019 11:24

This sounds so bizarre OP. Whether it is worth pursuing it is up to you. If it was me tbh I am not sure I could let it go. I think I would have to know - even if it was something that I didn't want to hear, at least I would know what her problem was and could either do something about it or just forget about the friendship.

RiverTam · 25/01/2019 11:34

I must say, whilst she's clearly not the friend you though she was, I would really want to get to the bottom of this.

And I think that one of your colleagues has been stirring - it really smacks of that, that a mutual friend has been dissing you to this woman.

Nellabella · 25/01/2019 11:42

Actually thinking about it I had someone do something similar to me, she was just that sort of person who thrives on drama and being Queen Bee, nothing you can do to change her attitude.

MrsGideon · 25/01/2019 12:26

Seriously, why don't you just ask her?! It doesn't even have to be in person, you could text or email her!

Yes it sounds like she's probably just not very nice, but equally there could be some huge misunderstanding and she's pissed off about something!

Drum2018 · 25/01/2019 12:33

I'd also want to know what her problem is. Could someone have said something about you? I'd just ask her straight out - 'what the hell is going on'. If you're willing to let the friendship go you have nothing to lose by being blunt.

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 25/01/2019 15:29

Tbh she's quite a self absorbed person (though I always tried to overlook this). I don't think it's a loss if this is how she is going to carry on. I did mention to a couple of colleagues and they said they hadn't noticed her being funny. I'm just going to ignore her and get on with my job.

OP posts:
Didntwanttochangemyname · 25/01/2019 15:39

She sounds really childish, but it would be killing me not knowing what I'd done. You are probably right to take the high road and ignore her.

DoJo · 25/01/2019 15:43

it would be killing me not knowing what I'd done

NOTHING! Unless the OP or you suffer from very specific amnesia, the chances of genuinely upsetting someone to the extent that they treat you like this without noticing are vanishingly small.

hellsbellsmelons · 25/01/2019 15:45

Wow - 50 and behaving like that.
It's weird and down right rude.
You are right to just ignore her and carry on.

limpbizkit · 25/01/2019 15:53

Renewing vows? Perhaps she's got problems in her marriage? Somethings probably going on that's making her like this. BUT she sounds like a drama llama. You've been nothing but kind and done all you can to be friendly. You don't need this kind of crap in your life. A true friend wouldn't behave like this. If its bugging you I'd outrightly ask. You've got nothing to lose

Frizzcat · 25/01/2019 15:56

Op, clearly her problem. Has anything positive changed in your life whilst she’s been away?
Jealousy could be a theme here....

SilverySurfer · 25/01/2019 16:05

I wouldn't pander to her ridiculous behaviour and would probably say something like - when you feel like behaving like an adult rather than a 12 year old, perhaps you will tell me what it is I'm supposed to have done to warrant you ignoring me. Then walk away and leave her to it.

missyB1 · 25/01/2019 16:06

My guess is someone has been stirring. Mind you that’s no excuse because she should have the balls to confront you if that was the case. You have two options, ask her outright or ignore her. Personally I would want to clear the air as I could do without the drama at work.

AllSuits · 25/01/2019 16:15

Ridiculous behaviour from an adult, that's a horrible way to be treated.

I think you're doing well to rise above and just carry on - don't give her any attention.

lotusbell · 25/01/2019 16:16

Please approach her and ask her. If not for you, for us. I'm invested!

Lovemusic33 · 25/01/2019 16:24

FFS just ask her.

Send her a text saying “I’m not sure if I have upset you or done something wrong, if I have please can you tell me what I have done?”, simple.

Seaweed42 · 25/01/2019 16:27

You said you all went out for drinks before she left. Was she really drunk? Was it just you and her left at the end of the night?
Maybe she feels she did or said something really embarrassing (or thinks she did) and basically can't face you now. Could it be something like that.