How to do this without offending friend

[Claudia1980]

I’ll try to keep this short. A school mum messaged me and another mum ( my good friend) about catching up for dinner.

We both responded we were keen to catch up. Fast forward two days and my good friend tells me and the mum who was organising the dinner that she has invited another friend. The mum who invited us doesn’t know her. I do but don’t have much time for her.

I feel like my good friend has kind of hijacked the dinner. I think the mum who invited us is a bit put out.

How do I tell my friend it was a bit weird to invite the other mum and that I don’t want to go to dinner with the tosser mum from baby class? Any I’m guessing the original inviter doesn’t either seeing she doesn’t even know her!

Advice please. What would you think? TIA

I’ve never understood why a guest thinks it is ok for them to invite another guest without even asking the host. It’s just rude!

I was the young mum once, in a very affluent area where all other mums were mostly SAHMs and could afford NCT etc.

It was horrible having them look down on me. Is she genuinely nasty or just not as organised as the rest of you? And perhaps not able to host given her means?

GoneGirl were you a complete flake and really annoying?

If not, you were not that mum.

were you a complete flake and really annoying?

That's as according to the OP anyway! The mum in question doesn't appear to have done anything wrong, apart from not feeling able to host!! She probably thought they would judge her even more than they already did if they saw where she lived.

I don't see the problem tbh what's the big deal if another human being is invited to go for dinner? Bloody hell grow up

Op, you'd have a point if the three of you were best friend from school, and the person who had been invited had had an affair with your husband/slagged you off horribly/lost you your job.

As it is you seem to be a group of school parent type mates and her worst crime against you seems to have been not committing to something social when your children were smaller.

And if she's that flakey maybe she won't turn up.

How rude can a person be? Inviting another person without consulting the organiser and to make it worse the organiser doesn't even know the infiltrator. If you don't go this could mean the friend and other could well ignore the organiser all evening. I would ask rude friend why XXX is going when organiser doesn't even know her, didn't invite her and doesnt't even line her.

Cant everyone just get on with it? unless the person was an absolute nightmare or had done something to really upset me then I'd just go with the flow.

I think taking someone else along to your dinner date without asking you guys is rude and inconsiderate. However if this mum is a generally nice person then maybe there's a good reason for it? May I ask if you and the invitor mum are better friends in your 3 ppl friendship? Maybe she felt a bit left out sometimes so she wanted to bring someone else to balance it out?

Just go FfS...lifes hard enough as it is without making it worse. Grin and bear it with good grace. God forbid, you might even enjoy it. Yes it was thoughtless to invite another mother but what's done is done.

Don’t call another Mum a tosser then try and back down. None of us truely know other people’s circumstances and as the older Mum you should know better. Be kind.

I can appreciate the difficulty - especially as, as a mum, we often get very few evenings to go out and socialise, and this thoughtless invite (which should have been run past you and host first) has thrown a spanner in the works. I think you can either (a) go and make the best of it; or (b) make an excuse. It’s never a good idea to ask why someone was invited - it can be seen as bitchy.

It's been done and since it sounds like it's a restaurant I would just go with it. Maybe this other mom could use some friends, and your good friend likes her enough to invite her.

I think it was rude and inconsiderate of the mum to invite someone to a gathering organised by someone else, especially without checking first.

Even if I was the organiser and had reason to want to invite someone in addition to the original group I would always check with everyone else first. In fact I did this just this week, even though I know for a fact that the parties involved all get on really well.

Even when everyone likes each other, it changes the dynamic to bring other people in. This can be a good thing, but not when it's counter to other people's expectations.

I would just let the rogue inviter mum know that you won't be joining them. Maybe you and the organiser mum can have dinner just the two of you while rogue inviter mum entertains the flaky mum on her own.

Maybe your good friend doesn't actually like being in your company too much and invited the other mum to have a bit of light relief x

You must take care that you are not inadvertently making someone new a social outcast from the beginning without knowing what is what.

Maybe your good friend doesn't actually like being in your company too much and invited the other mum to have a bit of light relief

If that is the case it would have been better to decline the invite, surely.