To really not like working

[Mammylamb]

I really don’t enjoy working. I need to work to earn money; but I really don’t enjoy it; I feel anxious most days, even though I work in a relatively nice office with nice colleagues. I just spend every day worrying that I’m not doing a good enough job. Or that I’ll make a mistake.

When I look on MN, loads of women have senior roles and sound like they really enjoy work; Aibu to really not enjoy work?

The idea of being dependent on someone else to survive (by choice) is an anathema to every woman I know

to be honest, I wouldn't want to entirely rely on anyone else either, but on the other hand it would be really nice to work less hours or not at all.

some women are happy to be SAHM's, housewives etc and there's nothing wrong with that IMO.

I think you have to address your anxiety and confidence issues OP . Maybe have some counselling to talk about it. Have there been times in your life when your confidence has been undermined? In my experience employers have never been good at praising staff but quick to point out when something is wrong.

I have always had the same anxiety issues that you have about whether I'm doing a good or bad job. Unfortunately most of my bosses have been horrible and I have worked in quite a few toxic work environments all of which has affected my confidence and increased my anxiety. In the end, after an extremely awful episode at work, I packed it in and moved to Cornwall. Now I spend most days down the beach.

I understand that that is probably not an option for you. From what you have said, your work environment sounds quite nice. Do you have annual appraisals at work? Perhaps you could speak to your boss and say that you always endeavour to do a good job and improve work practices so is there anything that needs improving.

to be honest, I wouldn't want to entirely rely on anyone else either, but on the other hand it would be really nice to work less hours or not at all.

I think we all feel like that!

some women are happy to be SAHM's, housewives etc and there's nothing wrong with that IMO.

I didn't say there was. And presumably that is discussed and agreed between the pair of them to suit their family. Not to mention the concept that SAHM role is a job in itself. Not just sat round eating cookies and filling their time with Pilates.

callmesir wow you have sooooooooo twisted what I said right there!

you said you wouldn't want to rely on someone else, being a SAHM is relying on someone elses wage. Yes, the role is a job in itself (and I never said it wasn't) but you don't get paid a wage for it, you are reliant on your husband/wife/partner.

you also said every woman should want to be able to provide for herself, but then you've said there's nothing wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife who clearly do not subscribe to the "providing for themselves mindset" you believe they should have!

Anxiety could be a key issue to enjoying your life more. Some counselling might help maybe?
Much as I hated my job (high pressure, bullying manager) my anxiety is currently really affecting my life enjoyment even though I am currently not working.

@MyNameIsArthur did moving to Cornwall and walks on the beach make your life 100% more enjoyable or do you still struggle with things?

I enjoy my job. I feel like I’m making a difference. I do feel anxious about making mistakes or saying the wrong thing though. I only work 24hrs pw though I would not want to work full time.

flamingo I think we actually agree, but I fear you have taken offence where none was meant

you said you wouldn't want to rely on someone else, being a SAHM is relying on someone elses wage. Yes, the role is a job in itself (and I never said it wasn't) but you don't get paid a wage for it, you are reliant on your husband/wife/partner.

Yes, but more often than not, temporarily and they are are still contributing - not just said they don't fancy working and are going to sponge off the working partner forevermore - that's what I meant by reliant.

you also said every woman should want to be able to provide for herself, but then you've said there's nothing wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife who clearly do not subscribe to the "providing for themselves mindset" you believe they should have!

Women should be able to provide for themselves. By which I mean they shouldn't start their working/adult lives doing sod-all and simply expecting someone else to provide for the rest of their lives. Being unwilling to contribute to their cost of existing in this world - financially or via labour - is a poor show.

callmesir I think you're right! no offence taken I think we have just slightly misinterpreted each other!

yes, I agree with both those points!

I was made redundant a couple of years ago. I was fortunate to get a new job quickly. A job is 1000 times better, than not having a job. My job pays for my lifestyle, hobbies, holidays, bills, pension. It's not all about money, I enjoy working with the people too

@Snog I would say maybe 70% better. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with cancer about 9 months after moving here so that has been a struggle. Am in remission now. However, I think the cancer has been easier to manage living here than if I had still been living where I had previously.

I hated working. For a brief time I worked freelance from home which I enjoyed as I had loads of flexibility to enjoy my day - wake up at 9am, go to the gym at 2pm, sunbathe in the park on a nice day etc..
But my well paid office jobs with commute to the City. Nope nope nope. Hated it.

I'm a SAHM now and love not working.

I’ve had so many jobs and never found one I liked! In order I’ve: worked retail, trained as a nurse, cabin crew, then various secretarial/admin type jobs. I’ve also worked in financial legal compliance in the City.

I’m in a new job now and I have the new job anxiety. Even though everybody is nice enough, flexible hours, decent salary very relaxed, I have my own office and I can walk to work. I honestly feel like I’m never going to find anything I like and I’m always on the look out for the next new job.

Recently I worked part time in a library and didn’t like that. I think I’m much happier not in a public facing job but I get bored in offices. I also had a few months of bliss not working but knew I needed to start earning money again.

Not sure of the solution. Lottery win please! I can only hope that automation and universal basic income can free us from these boring, pointless jobs.

I’m definitely quite a lazy person! I get demotivated easily and bored. Whenever I’m at work, I’m counting down the clock until the earliest time I can go home.

Did I change my name and write this when I was smashed?! Are you me?

Question - if you are not working during pre retirement age. How are you going to afford to live when you are a pensioner and not working ? State pension is not much and you need to have paid into the system to receive it

Would love to be a SAHM. DH is a high earner and agreed on me taking a year of mat leave but then wants me to work at least part time. We are quite keen to pay the mortgage off and have free childcare (grandparents) but still!

Do some people on this thread really believe they are the only ones to dislike having to work and would rather not?

As if everyone else bar them skips off to work every day saying "oh GOODY, I can't wait to get to my desk! In fact don't even bother paying me, the love of my job is payment enough!"

(That said, i can't imagine not doing anything with my days, even if I won the lottery. I would need to use my brain and my skills for something, even if that was voluntary work for my skillset. Back to wanting to contribute, I guess..)

I love my job and I know I am good at it but I still get swallowed up by imposter syndrome quite a lot!

@goingonabearhunt1

I've been planning for early retirement since I was 28.

bit puzzled by pp assuming alternatives are depending on a man. I'm single for life. I tend to hope for a win on Premium Bonds or something. Depending on a man isn't something I've ever considered.

The only bit of my job that I really enjoy is the commute. I don't hate my job, I only work 3 days a week. The job itself is not particularly rewarding but it's not hard and it fits around childcare etc. The boss is a nice bloke and I get on, in general, with everyone. I do have worries that I'm not really very good at it, but than being on my phone (and MN!) too often, no one has ever said anything. I never seem to have massive piles of stuff to do, it's rare anyone will come back to me and ask me to re-do something.

But I'd give it up in a heart beat. There are just other things I'd rather do, like be at home with my kids, or finish writing the novel I started in 2006. The bathroom could do with a clean too, but I can't be bothered after a day in the office.

I love my commute though. It's less than hour each way, unless traffic is really bad, but I get the time to myself to listen to an audio book, listen to music, not be pulled this way and that, no demands, nobody trying to touch me...

It seems crazy, that as humans, we sit in artificially lit offices for 8 hours a day doing jobs that are largely pointless. Bring on automation!

We go to work to pay the mortgage and bills. Then our houses get sold to pay for our nursing care when we are elderly. Then we die. Is this all there is to life?

Polarbearflavour that's exactly what I was thinking

Another in the same boat.

On paper, I should love my very part time job. I don't.

I think my personality just doesn't fit the career route I've taken and I'm not sure how to rectify it.

polar bear flavour
Imagine NOT being in a society where going to work to earn money to support yourself is required.
Instead you build your own shelter from whatever you can find - near to running water, preferably.
Then all you have to do is find food. Every day. Whatever the weather.
You may need to fight and defeat people who decide to take your food or shelter. Over and over again.
Then one day you die.

That IS what life is all about when you strip away all the extraneous stuff that a civilised society values. Survival. That's all.