To really not like working

[Mammylamb]

I really don’t enjoy working. I need to work to earn money; but I really don’t enjoy it; I feel anxious most days, even though I work in a relatively nice office with nice colleagues. I just spend every day worrying that I’m not doing a good enough job. Or that I’ll make a mistake.

When I look on MN, loads of women have senior roles and sound like they really enjoy work; Aibu to really not enjoy work?

I worked in higher education as an academic librarian. Previous to that I worked in a public library for six years. I did really adore my job completely 100%. I did endure three people who were utter arseholes as work colleagues over those years but I had limited contact with two of them. I occasionally see the really loathsome one on the tv spouting his expert knowledge. I think in a career spanning 27 years I was very lucky to only meet 3 intolerable twats.

Anchor "I strongly don't believe there are two types of people here; there are just two ways of dealing with work."

strongly disagree. Some people absolutely love their work. My dad was a great example - he was utterly bereft for a long time after retirement.

also the friends I describe will take on extra duties, enjoy work parties, wouldn't work at home even when given the option....really genuinely enjoy it. Of course there are people trying to make the best of it because they have to, but the people who love it and who don't mind the commute absolutely do exist.

I started my career in high-powered environment. Working my socks off, getting promotions, having incredible pressure on me from managers and clients. Worrying myself silly about whether I've phrased something right in an email, or if I forgot a tiny thing.

Then I had 2 non-sleeping DC (1 doesn't sleep well for medical reasons, the other just because )

7 years of sleep deprivation, and 1 burn out later I'm in a different job. Not so high-powered, 4 days a week (working 32 hours a week instead of the previous 55-65 hour weeks), earning the same amount as 4 years ago but literally no salary increases expected in the years to come.

I do get bored but I've learnt not to care and get anxious about every little thing. So what if I phrase an email slightly wrong? If necessary I can apologise. If not, I just learn how to improve it next time.

I've found that having DC has given me more perspective and not to sweat the little things. I ask myself - will it matter 5 days from now, 5 weeks from now and 5 months from now. And if I'm particularly worried - 5 years from now. Generally the answer is NO!

OP if any consolation I really needed this thread today. I have been spoiled - took redundancy last year but have to work again now - and it's good to be reminded that I'm by no means alone in how I feel about working.

also checking my privilege in that I was lucky to get a good redundancy package.

I enjoy my job and feel lucky to have found it - it's a great fit for me and I like being at work. But I still hate working, regardless! It's not what I'd choose to do and I hate leaving the house every morning, getting the kids up early, driving to work, all of it. So even having a job you like doesn't make the actual slog of working and how it impacts your life any better.

I know very few people who truely love their jobs. Or probably only one who is an academic with a passion for his subject. Others (mostly career types) enjoy aspects of their job.

I find my job stressful and anxiety inducing but overall I am glad I do it - and I don’t find it boring. It gives me goals and a sense of achievement when it goes well and forces me out of my comfort zone to be better at things (I’m looking at your- public speaking). I think this has a halo effect on other aspects of my life including parenting.

All these things are available in other arenas of course but none keep a roof over my head and in reality would I push myself so hard if I had the option not to? Highly improbable!

Clearly if I won the lottery I would do something else.

I would like to do less if it as well without the inevitable compromise.

I feel the same but I really value independence and being able to support myself and enjoy my life outside work (lunches, holidays, shopping when I want to etc.) It can be hard to stay positive sometimes but I would absolutely hate to be unemployed (it's actually one of my biggest fears and I've been really anxious in the short bits of time I've had to spend job hunting in the past). I guess if I won a million I'd just stop though as that fear would be gone My DP is the same, he can't wait to leave each day either. I do feel like I'm lazy in comparison to other friends but can't seem to change my mindset (and I've had therapy and done all sorts of things and still feel the same in every job).

I don't mind my job but I hate the routine of
Working and I resent that I will be doing it for another 30ish years! I console myself in the fact that as far as jobs go mine is okay, and I earn reasonably well so can afford to do a few nice things when I don't have to be there!

Thinking about working for another 35 years is incredibly depressing. Maybe I'll try and overpay my mortgage in the next few years as a PP said so I can retire earlier. I can live on quite a low amount I think as I have never cultivated any high end tastes

Could you afford to go part time, get benefits top up. Signed off for stress by GP and look for something a bit more fulfilling on days off?

And a huge thank you to BoatyMcBoatface2

Yours sincerely,

Working taxpayers of the UK.

FFS, the OP just doesn't like working - this is not stress, but preference.

Another one here who can't believe the earnest advice to go part-time and have the rest of us top up the OP's wages.

I think you have to work out whether it's that specific job you dislike or whether you hate work in general. Those with friends who love work may just be people with a great attitude generally. Those who hate work generally may be just a bit entitled and expect others to fund them (see advice given above.)

It's called "work", it's not called "go to that place and have a super duper time doing the thing you love most of all in the whole wide world"

Saying you don't particularly enjoy having to do stuff to earn money is not exactly the height of surprising anarchy. It's work, we do it to earn money to live. If we can enjoy the tasks we have to do; and find satisfaction and pride in doing it well, even better.

(I get there are people who absolutely, beyond all feeling, loathe and detest their jobs, but for that group, and the even more small subset of them who can do absolutely nothing about changing that, is a different issue)

On the 'would you give up work if OH was loaded' thread, I stipulated these conditions:

I don't want to work FOR another person.
I don't want to (significantly) MANAGE another person.
I wouldn't like to work more than 30h per week.

I am perfectly happy to work though - I like making clever spreadsheets, I like creating things, I like working with my hands. I have written several books in my own time (and quickly), so I have no problem self-motivating.

I fail on all three counts at the moment.

• I am a company director, but the responsibility unnerves me as much as it frees me from pettier management.
• I have to manage two people, both difficult in their own ways.
• I work 40 stupid hours.

I am a senior HCP. I bloody hate it and am actively looking for a complete career change. I cannot imagine slogging away doing what I do now for another 5 years, let alone another 25. I have gone from full time to 24 hours a week in the last 2 years but I still feel sick and anxious about going to work, worrying about any mistakes I might have made, what-ifs etc. The problem is, I have to work for the usual financial reasons and, for the region where I live, earn pretty good money. I am almost at the top of my pay band so unless I go into senior management ( and I would rather gouge my own eyes out) I will not progress any further but finding another job round here that pays what I get now for 3 days a week, or indeed I am qualified for, is practically impossible.

Re the comment about 'entitled people' above, I would just like to clarify and say that I would never give up work and expect the state/family/my partner to fund me (unless I was too sick to work or something). I know I have to do it, but I reserve the right to moan about it sometimes (anonymously on the internet)

I have what most people would consider to be a really good job. It is also one where I'm using my qualifications and is closely related to one of my main interests.

I still hate it and am currently investigating whether can afford to drop down to a 4 day week.

YANBU. I hate the whole structure of office life and the rules and regulations and the way you can't just go home when you have your work done.

By the way I totally agree that going part time and looking for benefits is not the solution. That's just selfish and free loading. (Not aimed at OP).

yanbu I hate work too. The stress of it makes me ill.

YANBU. I fucking hate working even though I like my job.

I'd much rather be at home. I wouldn't get bored, there's plenty to do, like reading, gardening (I want to start growing my own veg), window shopping, shopping, gym, nails to get done, plus I'm lazy and am perfectly happy doing nothing lying on the sofa endlessly. Dog walks! Family to visit.

All that being said, I've never been out of work so the reality of it is probably completely different.

The project I'm working on at the moment is due to finish and there aren't any starting up nearby so my only option is to travel back in to London which would be 5 hours a day on the train. I did that for a year when I moved and I'm not doing it again.

I'm a trained dog groomer so I'm going to be forced to give up the day job and go self employed as a groomer full time. Scary & exciting times!

I won't mind working at all then.

I used to be quite happy at work, pre ds.

I enjoyed maternity leave but was happy to go back.
I used to be a 10 min walk to work, it was no effort, could nip home at lunch time.

we moved, now I have to drive 20 mins, drop ds off at nursery and drive another 5 mins.

Hate it. Hate the effort, hate the traffic, hate all the in and out of the car.

its not my job as such its the circumstances around it, and unless I get a job somewhere really close to my home when ds is at school (round corner from my house) I expect I will feel like this for as long as I have to work.

And you know what makes me particularly angry about some of the responses on this thread - and partly the OP's attitude to work?

Go back a hundred years or so, when women

• weren't permitted to work at most jobs
• weren't paid the going rate for their work

- had fewer choices about work

Go & read a few vIctorian novels where the heroines are desperate for education, work, and meaningful interaction with the world outside the home - women NOT being allowed to work in useful work caused illness.

And then stop moaning about not liking work. I love my overall job (it's a vocation) but there are aspects of it that I don't enjoy, that make me nervous, that stress me.

But the alternative? To be dependent on a man for my livelihood, my food, my clothing, the roof over my head?

Far far far worse.

Go & read a few vIctorian novels where the heroines are desperate for education, work, and meaningful interaction with the world outside the home - women NOT being allowed to work in useful work caused illness

oh give over. Because Victorian women wanted to work doesn't mean every woman now should actively want to and enjoy it.

^every woman now should actively want to and enjoy it.&

I think every woman should want to be able to provide for herself and have some independence though - which I class as "want to". The idea of being dependent on someone else to survive (by choice) is an anathema to every woman I know.

(Active enjoyment is a bonus, vocation even more so)